Something I first heard here, and something I repeat often, when in doubt, don't.

You can't trust your AH, this you know. Perhaps give yourself some time to research, and find someone who could do the repairs. Perhaps this doesn't have to be decided today.

Hugs and Support!!!

oh brother - why not just have your mom give hubby the cash outright and avoid all the BS?

KLotus,

I had a friend whose father was in financial trouble and convinced her if she bought a house then he would "fix it up" and maintain the mortage payments. He couldn't buy the house himself because his credit was not good enough. So, she signed for the loan and thought it would be an investment in her future. It didn't take long for the whole plan to go completely haywire. Within a few short months, he stopped making payments, got behind on the mortage, and the loan defaulted. Although the house was in her name, she was in school at the time and not able to pay the mortage herself. Her credit has been ruined. She wanted to "help" her father through a tough time, but the reality was that her father was financially irresponsible. He never apologized or tried to repair the damage that his actions caused her.

It seems from your circumstances that you need to consider and calculate this loan as if you are the ONLY person taking it out. If you and only you needs to pay back, let's say, $40,000 without depending on anyone else, does it still seem like a good decision? What if your mom passes away and her payments stop in 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years, then is it still a good investment? If it were me, I would consider seeing a financial planner to help me sort out these kinds of decisions, so I can make them with my head and not because someone is pressuring me.

There are MANY ways to invest in your and your daughter' future that do not have nearly the risks this has. You could establish a trust, buy an educational account for her, etc. And, I might point out that having huge loans to pay back is not necessarily an investment in YOUR future. What's that in Alanon about taking care of ourselves FIRST? :)

At any rate, a home purchase is a HUGE decision. I would not be rushed into making such a big decision.

BlueCloud

There will be other houses in foreclosure.  A friend recently bought one that didn't require any work.  Even a house that's fixed and up to date is a headache and a half -- it requires a lot of maintenance and money.  A lot of people who buy houses for investment purposes find that the headaches are way too stressful.  I'd suggest that a better investment for your daughter might be to disentangle your mother's housing and your daughter's future from your husband's alcoholism.  That's a mix that makes everything risky. Your mother may have to rent -- that may be the stress level (low stress -- the landlord is responsible for repairs, property tax, etc.) that's best for all of you.  And even sober, supposedly responsible professional workmen can drive you around the bend with their inability to get things done right.  What are the chances that an alcoholic workman with no business entity at stake will finish responsibly and on time?  If I never had to have another workman fix my house, my stress levels would be so much lower!  Anyway, just the reflections of someone who's fixed up way too many houses.  Take what works and leave the rest.

KLotus,

Since your A has recently stolen money from you, you might also seriously consider reviewing your credit reports and putting safeguards in place to protect you from identity theft. Your A would certainly not be the first A to forge his loved ones signature or take out loans in their name, etc. Hopefully, this is not at all the case, but since he has resorted to impersonating you already (by sending in your receipts), intercepting checks (that I am assuming were made out to you?), and depositing them in his account (which means he forged your signature?), I really urge you to protect yourself financially. If he created other financial messes, it would explain his urgency and pressure around the housing loan. I certainly hope that stealing your checks is where the thievery ends, but better safe than sorry. I know there are programs out there that will alert you every time something changes in your credit report. Might be a good investment. And, since you are married, you might check the laws in your state, to make sure you are not jointly liable for his financial debt, etc. I know at least one person on here who divorced her husband to protect herself financially and stayed together with him. NOT saying you should divorce, just saying it's good to be educated. BlueCloud

the now ex A presented me with plenty of situations like this.  Overall I always got pulled in.  Then I would be mired in frustration, grief and anger.

It all sounds so compelling doesn't it?

Maresie.