The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is it ok to overwhelm all of you with my problems? I found this site and it feels like the first time I've been able to get help. The help I desperately need. I look to you guys already. Even just reading other posts helps me to calm myself and realize that it's gonna take time.
I'm currently frustrated because I am getting crap at home (I recently moved back to my moms) and i feel like she is already sick of me working on myself. She says before he was out. (he went to treatment- and now stays there working an extended program, but it's more "free"-"risky" for his recovery) anyway. She says i was more focused and now tht he's out I'm wrapped up in his recovery. I tried to say that I am, I know I am and I need help. Well she's mad at him because he made me feel this way, because he messed me up and I even need help.
The truth is that I am messed up but some of it goes deeper than just this man. I honestly believe that. I think there are deeper things going on with me. If I tell her that she will definetly get upset, feel attacked. She needs her own meetings I think. I have a sister and a bf all messed up in addiction. I can be messed up too, addiction terrorizes the whole family. I don't know. Am I wrong? I've tried to just "get over it" but I do hurt and I do need to evaluate my life. I feel attacked that she says those things. Love is love, isn't it? I know I can leave, but it's a commintment I made whether married or not and the love isn't gone, I don't believe that. I just think my own head gets in the way of my heart because of my sickness and I don't know how to control it yet.
Through all of this I've quit smoking cigs. I've gotten a job (I wasn't working when I moved home, lost my job) I went to school to get that job and I'm currently working on getting my RN BSN. I'm doing alot for being all "wrapped up in him." I just wish I could leave here sometimes. I don't know if I should be working towards that or waiting for "us" me and my bf to get it together, together??
Ok enough is enough. Are you guys going to hate me for venting so much? I have no other outlet that is right here for me anytime. Please don't get frustrated with me too. I'm sorry. Thanks so much for listening. I'm sure I got more in me somewhere.
Alcoholism is a family disease, you are right about that. You also do not need to apologize for venting. That is why this wonderful site was started so people could vent, relate, keep focused on their program, share their recovery, etc. You are welcome here with open arms. Keep coming back. Also I was having trouble with the chatroom too but all I was doing wrong was not pressing "No" to that one pop up window. Try it again and this time press "No."
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
(((Mel))) Don't feel bad about venting, that's what we're here for! We're human, sometimes we just need to vent. There's only so much we can keep inside our heads. I imagine a day a few weeks, or months from now when I will come here to vent and you will be here to give me support. By the way, congratulations on your achievements-quit smoking, new job, going to school! You have a lot on your plate right now and it's easy to be overwhelmed. But you're on the right path to making things better. Post (and vent) all you like. We're here for you.
Some of the time in my recovery process I took time out to listen to others who were caught up in it also (family disease right?) just to listen and just to acknowledge that my venting and craziness wasn't all made up and sometimes I listened so that I could ask them for their view of the whole thing and when they got to talk about it...they were helped...go figure!!
Be a newbie for now...you're not alone in the disease and certainly not in the recovery from it. Boy do I have stories about how my family was affected!!
Please don't feel hesitant to vent at all - we're here for you. Venting is therapeutic and no better place to do it than where you know people will understand. You are going through a lot and it sounds to me like you are handling things really well. A new job, degree, etc are no small achievements and to do all this in the midst of dealing with another's addiction is a daunting task. I agree that addiction is very much a family disease. For me, the actions of one person (my AH) has caused a ripple effect - practically an avalanche which has affected the whole family. In my case, there are family rifts that may never heal and I am trying to come to grips with that. It sounds like you're doing a great job working on yourself. Keep coming back and sending you support, nyc
Mel...you are fine. The only thing I see at the root of all of this is some insecurities you have that definitely do need working on. Aside from that, none of the questions you have are easy ones and it is painful to figure out some of the things you are going through. Face to face alanon and getting a sponsor and going through the steps can really help you.
Alanon helped me to see what I needed to work on. Going to face to face meetings really helped. When I got some phone numbers I could call and talk to people that helped too. Then I got a sponsor who has been great. The thing is, it does take time. It took time for us to get so messed up, it takes time to work through it all. It all comes back to step 1. WE are powerless over everyone and everything else except our own selves. I can only change me, and my attitudes and ways of living. I can't change anyone else. So getting busy helped me and helping others helps me too...Take care of you! You have lots going on, pat yourself on the back! HUGs
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I'm currently frustrated because I am getting crap at home (I recently moved back to my moms) and i feel like she is already sick of me working on myself. She says before he was out. (he went to treatment- and now stays there working an extended program, but it's more "free"-"risky" for his recovery) anyway. She says i was more focused and now tht he's out I'm wrapped up in his recovery. I tried to say that I am, I know I am and I need help. Well she's mad at him because he made me feel this way, because he messed me up and I even need help. 
