"Swims across the sea of life, breasting its waves joyfully"

I get paid in two days and will actually be able to buy some groceries finally.  This humbling experience of having no money has given me some new found insight.  I watched a documentary where a whole world of people videotaped their life in one day and then it was put into a film.  I know I talk about gratitude alot but I can't get enough of it.  I have enough money for a coffee and a meeting and I feel so grateful.  I look around my home with a drum set and a guitar, a computer, blankets, couches, pots and pans, a refrigerator with some food, not alot but some :)  ... the list goes on and I think how grateful I am for what I have. I don't have the best things, mostly hand me downs from relatives.  I buy my clothes at thrift stores, but I like it that way.

I took a walk today, the sky ahead was white and pale blue and dimming and behind me it was pink and purple, the moon was to my right, about half full.  The trees above my head were covered with snow; their branches glistening, creeking, then still. I was the only soul on that street and it was freezing out.  I wrapped my scarf better around my mouth and cheeks and I had my music in my ears. I had a smile from earbud to earbud.  I just prayed to my higher power and said 'thank you.'  I finally see the world how it is meant to be seen; admired.

I used to view the world as a bore.. and often dark, annoying, imperfect.  I was only happy if it was a beautiful crisp fall day, a warm summer day or evening, or I was in the Caribbean. And even then if everything was not how GodMichelle wanted it to be I was unhappy once more.  Back when my AH and I had money we would take a vacation every year.  I would grit my teeth all winter until we finally got on that plane.  I have been to Mexico, Bahamas, Jaimaca, etc, you name it and we never stayed on the resorts either we went all over.  We would hike, hitch hike, take busses, the whole bit and travel all over the place.  It was a great time. Im not saying it was not.  But I had to travel pretty far to feel good about the world and life (at least during the winter months.)  Now beauty is in my own backyard.  Everything is beautiful to me now even 10 degree weather.  My cat is more fluffy, my husband is more handsome.. and even me. I look in the mirror, now, and I focus on the positive and not the negative.  I like me.

I can't explain this shift in my attitude/eyesite/views.  It is truly a miracle in the greatest sense.  This Earth we have for this time is just such a wonderful place even in all its sorrow and misery.. because it is all we have.  These people living in a third world country (not sure where) in that documentary I watched were living 13 people in a one room hut.  They had the clothes on their backs and were eating just enough to stay alive.  And the man looked at the camera and said "I know God has not forgotten us.  Why would he create us to just forget about us."  Now that is faith!  I am so grateful for each day I get to breathe this air. I am so grateful that I have found this oneness with nature and with others and with my HP.  Writing this is a message to myself, to anyone who reads it, but mainly its a gratitude letter to my higher power.