The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm drowning now. I can't help but get sad. I just got on my email to send someone from the meeting a message and I seen that it showed my boyfriend online. (it could be that is email is linked to his phone, and nothing more) Immediately I thought he was cheating or talking to someone else behind my back and lying to me. I thought he was online talking to others when he says he doesn't have much free time. I'm so lost right this second.
What did I do? I texted him. He said he wouldn't do that to me and that he would leave before dragging me through anything like that since he's done enough damage to me already. I believe him in my heart. I love him for him, even when he was using...but my mind is in control of me now, not my heart. I sometimes can't control where the thoughts take me. I'm so frustrated with myself. I just want to love myself and him. I want him to love himself and me.
There is an old saying when "I get busy I get better". When I get into stinking thinking I stop what I am doing that is causing it and move on to doing something else that is more productive. Clean something, read a book. You mentioned earlier that you have some co dependency books to read that would be a great place to be instead of obsessing over what your boyfriend might be doing. The reality is you don't know. It's sheer torture to do that to yourself and to continue to do so.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I started reading Courage to Change shortly after I posted this and it has helped some but it's very difficult for me to just forget it. Like I said I'm stuck in places my mind takes me. I have really tried today, whether he notices or not I know I tried. I will keep in mind, that I need to remember "I get busy, I get better". Thanks so much!! I'm sorry for being a pain.
Something that helped me besides just al-anon was getting my own therapy. A whole hour to talk about myself, I came to some amazing realizations through therapy that I know I would not have discovered without it. It has also helped me to get active. I move, hula hoop, run in spurts, then walk, lift weights, shovel snow, sing, dance.. that helps me.. and also praying for courage, strength, and support have helped me. when I pray for comfort, I feel comfort.. some true miracles because I never had any faith at all before al-anon.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Wednesday 4th of January 2012 07:35:37 PM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I feel better being able to read on here and post to others posts and talk it out with you guys. I wish I could get the chat going but it's not working for me. I do feel better. I wish I would have put it here first before sending it to him. I can't burden him with my recovery while he is working his. I'm trying to get through this the best I can. I just don't have all the tools yet!
No need to apologize! Easy does it. This will take time, but you have found Al Anon, and the seed has been planted. When I started I was impatient for results, because I was in so much pain. I still, one year later, remind myself Easy Does It. All the pressure I put on myself in life I was putting on myself in Al Anon. In time, with some patience, things just got better and easier. Sending you support and compassion!
Mel...Danni's reply post rings true for me from my experiences. There really is no need to apologize...you're totally accepted for who and what you are right at this moment and you are allowed to come join us in accepting you that way also. Use acceptance let go of the apologies and negative self speak. You're making it and will do much much better in time. Just keep coming back...read, listen, ask questions, listen some more, practice, practice, practice. ..."If you keep and open mind you will find help." Listen to the closing statement of your next meeting and that promise will be read there and from my experience it was the very first Al-Anon promise that came true for me. I worked on keeping an open mind and I got more help than any time or place before it.
Keep coming back. Thanks for the support. (((((hugs)))))
melodie beatties book "language of letting go" has been really helpful to me when I get into mental torture mode. I tend to grab onto to a thought mentally and then spin there for some time...until I feel really wretched.
I use some budhist techniques...of just witnessing and accepting the emotions and thoughts that arise....and allowing them...fighting them somehow ("I shouldn't be in this headspace") just makes the stinking thinking worse for me...
I try watch the thoughts come and go like I would a passing storm...and know that they are only thoughts...NOT FACTS.Just knowing that I have a tendency to spin...helps me know that I can choose to sit and spin, OR I can do something else.
You and your life are more than the thoughts in your head....you don't have to believe what your brain is spewing, either...
