The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He is so deep into his addiction although not on the actual drug anymore. He is in treatment but I should clarify, has not shown up for any of his classes for a week. He should be kicked out of the program but the director is willing to give him a chance. He had to show up today to give a urine sample to show good faith that he is at least clean. So far so good for that. He is not in a good place. Neither am I. I should be working my program better and I know this. I am feeling very weak. So I know he has to be feeling weak too. If he does not follow this program he will lose his job, no second chances or anything else. They have supported him through detox and rehab and if he does not follow this program they will no longer support his recovery "efforts" or lack there of. Which leads me to what I should be doing, the same!! He has lied and lied again. I so want to keep the line of communication open with him but he still insists on lieing. I have to regain my stength back in my program and work what I know works. I need to journal and do my reading. Although my literature applies to Alcoholics it's the same philosphy. I so need some ESH. It is my time to get back to me and work this thing. I know it but yet I still allow myself to be pulled back into the chaos of his life. My life is valuable too. I keep coming here and reading and not posting. I can't seem to get into a meeting on here which leads me to believe I should really be looking for an actual f2f meeting in town. Crazy huh? My computer won't allow the forum or something and won't let me download the program to run the meeting room. No excuse though, I just need to put some more effort into finding the meetings around here again. I know it would help me and in turn I might be of better help to my son. Or at least a better example to him. Well I refuse to beat myself up any further I am going to take steps to find the meetings that will help me. Keep the focus on myself and my program and let go and let HP. That is the best I can do for my son for now and probably for good. I sure wish RLC was still around he'd be telling me to take care of myself first and then other things will work themselves out. I know I know I hear you!!! I can feel your hugs now RLC, thanks. That's another thing I haven't taken the time to deal with. RLC's passing. It was such a shock for being off the board for awhile and then find that out. I have got to give myself the permission to grieve the loss. He was such a great person and a wonderful support to me. He was in "the know" about my son and had advised or guided me rather through other ordeals with him through the years. At least I still have our PM's to refer back to for some support and reference. Thank you all for reading and any ESH you have for me is appreciated. Love and hugs to you all. M
Finding a meeting is a great place to start and you know it will get better for you. He's going to be sober or not all you can do is take care of you. Sending you love and support. Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Your post has really gotten to me tonight. I guess from one mom to another. Sending you love and hugs and blessings across the wide open Internet tonight.
