The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I discovered that I would not be getting my expected end of the year $6,000 in health savings reimbursements - because my alcoholic husband had submitted the receipts, intercepted my checks in the mail, and deposited them in his band account.
This is one of a number of recent "dry drunk" occurrences, pointing toward the alcoholic thinking re-emerging. He got out of an inpatient rehab in June, went to AA for two months, and that was it. We've been in some marriage counseling, and gotten some individual counseling, but here we are.
The disappointment, sadness, anger, and feelings of violation were a lot to handle yesterday. However, I was able to verbalize this to him. I'm so fed up with this behavior. I'm so fed up with putting effort into the health of a marriage, and getting very little in return.
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Soooo sorry that happened. It is wrong without question, there is no rationalizing a very irrational situation.
Be gentle with yourself and do something kind for you. You deserve a lot of kindness, especially in the face of such a violation. Good for you on taking a stand and saying enough as well. Look at how you have grown. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior and we do have a right to state how we feel and put up a good healthy boundary. What he chooses to do with that information is on him.
I will have you all in my prayers, sending love and support, hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I hope this comes across with the kind of dark humor that I first heard it with, but a friend of mine said to me, when I was in a similar situation, "Well, that's what we call 'tuition'!" She had been in an alcoholic marriage too. I don't mean to minimize your emotions at all -- when I first realized my A was stealing from me, I was beside myself with horror and sorrow. It seemed like a violation of everything we had. But I guess that they start by lying to themselves and then even more dishonesty piles on. It's so hard to be around. And it's so hard to be in a marriage where you are right not to trust the other person.
I hope you can keep on taking good care of yourself. Hugs.
It's okay to walk away from the frustration and anger and rage and confusion and stress of it all Klotus...that's why they make fishing poles. You go fishing for a while and take your HP with you...the good guy the one they call love and go do some peace of mind and serenity.
I remember the alcoholic/addicts thieving and even now years later I remember how absolutely mind boggling behavior like that was, and still it was a habit of the alky/addict. It was one of the "changing things that I could" steps in Al-Anon and I was shakey because I was new and the change wasn't the behavior that was normal for me and with "fishing"...not "fighting" trips where the program and my sponsor and the direction of my HP I came to make changes that I liked and were good for "me". "Lying, cheating, stealing"...normal alcoholic/addict behaviors; came to expect that and nothing else and made my own changes over time.
No justification for you to be stole from. No matter which one he chooses to use. Life ain't all about him... (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 4th of January 2012 01:12:35 AM
