The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i just had a real shocker. was checking FB news feeds and someone on my friend's list status pops up.. that they are married. a bunch of congrats posted etc etc. This person happened to have been our best man at our wedding. and (was?) one of my husband's best and oldest friends.
This is very disheartening, I am sure he would have mentioned it if he knew.. so the fact that he didn't even know... I don't even want to imagine what AH did that was so bad he was cut off like this
This is not the first such incident but it's probably one of the closest friends. So very sad.
I guess the important thing for me.. is to not lose touch with MY friends. Keep involved. it's so easy to cocoon myself up away from the world but I don't want to be in some crazy bubble with him.
The fall-out from the disease touches anyone close- it's so difficult to watch, as well as deal with. It is so very sad, but I'm glad that you are taking care of you.
The same thing happened to my AH. He lost many of his close friends - lifelong friends. Can't say that I blame them.
I was just reminded today by someone in alanon not to isolate. I'm glad to hear that you recognize how easy it is to do that when you're caught up in the A's chaos.
(((tweety))) I'm so sorry this is happening. But it seems to be one of the many consequences of alcoholism/addiction. My A has also lost most of his friends. Many of them were my friends too. Some of those (former) friends seem to see us as a unit and want nothing to do with him OR me anymore. Some of them have told me I am welcome to visit them but without my A. We have one friend who continues to visit and be friends with both my A and me, God bless him. It is very sad. You're right on track when you say the important thing is not to lose touch with your friends. This disease can so easily isolate us if we let it. So DON'T let it! Thanks for your share. It reminds me how important it is to take my own advice-
Thanks for your responses and understanding. It's really saddened me, as I was always envious of him and his lifelong friendships. He had such a tightknit close group of friends from childhood. it really is tragic. but this was his closest friend. so much much worse.
anyway.... already made plans to go out with some friends for coffee this week. thank you again.
My AH has lost touch with the friends he had, he pushed them all away. I've encouraged him to make contact, but leave it at that. You are absolutely correct, you can not isolate. I've made it a priority to make time for my girlfriends. He resents it, and I refuse to give in to the pressure. I need a life apart from him so that I can continue to live my life with him.
I, too, have been thinking long and hard about staying close with friends. I have been making attempts to see everyone. Its hard because of my financial situation. My best friend invited me for dinner tonight.. its nice she is trying to see me despite my lack of money. NYE was hard because I chose not to go out with all my friends this year. They probably think it has to do with my AH being in AA and all but what they dont get is that through al-anon I have just felt this way about being around a bunch of drunk people. I dont want to be around them and i dont want to drink and I dont want to be driving on the roads with crazies out there. It does not matter what they think because I know my reasoning for not attending the party. Im sure there may have been some gossip but you know what, I had a safe, sober NYE, I did not feel like poo the next day. Those who are my true friends I will see even though i dont go out for the drunktivities. My AH has kept most of his friends but the opposite side of what youre saying is now that he is working AA he is losing all the friends that are still out partying all the time. I know its sad for him at times b/c some were very close friends he's had for years but I try not to internalize his pain b/c it will do me no good to feel that sadness. That is his to feel and I will be there for him when he needs to talk about it or just needs someone to be.
Tweety, your AH is lucky to have a such a sweet person in his life who cares about and loves him so much.
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I feel the same way, about being around drunkenness now.
This is hard. As ah and I met we were "party people", the two of us were always the last ones to leave a party etc. basically this is how we hooked up. Now 20 years later, I don't enjoy being around drunk people at all and he is still the same as he ever was. I guess his friends are over it too. I wish the teenage me knew these choices would impact me forever. I feel like hounding my teenage niece "do not pick the life of the party!!"
