The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really feel like I just need to cut my losses and move on with my life.
My AH has been sober for over a year, however, he is still very much an alcoholic. All that's gone is the drink. I have simply had enough of it.
We've been going to counseling, and I really wanted to try to make it work for the sake of our 8 week old daughter. I really don't want to be a single parent.
But, I need to accept reality for what it is and do the best thing for myself and my daughter.
our household is so much healthier for me and the kids without him in it...my AH and I also had a very sick pattern together...me controlling and raging...him lying and drinking...you know the drill...
I am in charge of my own life now (it's been a year and 3 mos) It feels really good to detach...and not worry about what I am coming home to every night...will he be angry? drunk? passed out?will he have spent all kinds of money we don't have on his latest thing?
now I only have to worry about what's for supper...it feels amazing.
your child deserves to live in a peaceful healthy home.....
good luck on your journey....and listen to your intuition...its not an easy road, but it is a healthier one...
as you know we can not give you advice on how to deal with your situation oly you can make this choice.
Are you attending al anon?
Is your husband in AA?
I found it very hard living with a dry drunk and learnt very quickly that this disease does not just disapear when they put down the drink. My partner has been in AA for nearly 3 years he is currently only sober for 3 months but is working his programme in AA better than ever he is getting better by the day, however he is attending two meetings a day. His sobriety is his top priority at the moment, he is truly doing it for him and wants to stop.
we do not live together as we are both very sick I go to 2/3 meetings a week and I have my life seperate from him. This disease has caused lots of problems for us however we are both trying to get well. The only suggestion I can give is to attend meetings and come on here , get a sponsor and make any decisions with a clear mind.
sorry you are experiencing this it is hard but you are not alone
I attend one Alanon meeting per week. He has only been attending approx one AA meeting per month. He does not have a sponsor. That's part of the problem - he is not working a program and he is still a very sick person.
We have been separated since April and we both were supposed to use that time to work our programs. I have been doing that. He hasn't. I was attending more meetings before I had my baby.
We're in couples counseling with a certified addiction counselor.It has been during counseling that I've truly gotten a glimpse into how sick he really is.
Props to you for making a choice and moving forward. Your post rings very true for me and what I am currently living with, while I haven't made the final decision to leave yet I do think about it often. I think sometimes I haven't left simply because I am afraid of the aftermath I know he will cause me, getting out will be ugly. I guess when you finally know you know, and until then you take it one day at a time. Keep us posted on your journey, prayers and good wishes are with you. You are a warrior, be strong. :)
There is no easy path, but given time, your HP will guide what is best for you.
Where you are sounds about where I made the decision to leave- everything was crashing and my exAH said he was told it was ok for him to drink. I didn't have alanon at the time.
Now I can see that working with a sponsor can make a huge difference, in working a recovery program regardless if there is an A in my life or not. I would not know if things would have turned out differently had I had the program much sooner, but that is water under the bridge.
Leaving was painful and extremely scary, but it did provide financial and emotional relief for me and our daughter.
Thank you so much for your post. My daughter is 20 months old. When she was 3 weeks old, my husband had begun drinking again after a long stint of attempting sobriety (without AA support). It has been a VERY difficult 20 months, though wonderful to have my daughter. My husband, last summer, went to an inpatient program. He did this after I left him for two months - my daughter was only 10 months old. He is officially 7 months "sober," but not thinking soberly.
The alcohol has not been the problem. The alcoholic behaviors, decision-making, perceptions, feelings and thinking have been. The emotional abuse continues, and the physical threats are beginning again.
I feel that, if I were to be honest with myself, a large part of the reason I did not leave him permanently was because I was afrain - he's always threatened to keep my daughter from me (I don't even know how he thinks he could do that!). Recently, he threatened suicide if I leave.
I find myself feeling the same things you have expressed in your post.
I would support anything you say you need to do. At the same time, on a personal note, I feel you are doing the right thing, and commend you for your courage. PLEASE CONTINUE TO POST. Please feel free to private message me as well.
Love and support,
KLotus
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
We have been in marriage counseling for several months now. He has manipulated that as well. So, I understand the need to feel you've done all you can. I hear your concerns and frustrations.
I will pray for you. I believe that when you make decisions, in your own best interest and in the best interest of those you love, your HP will open doors for you. Stay in the moment.
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
stopandchat: I just want to say that I am sure you will make the right decision for you & your daughter. I hope you will attend Alanon meetings no matter what. I have for 26 years & I am still coming. I have been in & out of relationships but have always tried to come back!
