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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Feeling Disgusted
Post Info TOPIC: Feeling Disgusted
Tracey C


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Feeling Disgusted
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Hi,

I know my family of origin is very dysfunctional but this beats it all.

 My sister's mother-in-law asked my sister to ask our mother if we would like to have Christmas with them at their house.  We have spent the last few with them and we like them.  My Mum rang me up to say that my sister had invited them to have Christmas there, but she would prefer us to go down there and spend it with them as they weren't asked directly by her.  There was no mention of us having been invited at all.  We did go down and had Christmas there.  Today, while visiting my sister, she mentioned that we had been asked along too.  How terrible!!!!  How could someone do this?  Especially a mother/grandmother.  Our children could have had Christmas with their cousins.  I would have said goodbye to someone before they left for the other side of the continent.  It shows how sick she really is in the head.  I've asked my sister to talk to me directly in future as we don't know what she'll do next.

Thanks for listening,

Tracey 



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bud


~*Service Worker*~

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I'm sorry you have this - you're not alone and now I know I'm not alone either. I'm glad you've asked for better communication.

My exAH's family is in the habit of extending indirect invitations; sometimes the invite was passed on to us and sometimes it wasn't. We seemed to be the only branch of the family that was an after-thought at best. Their family is very comfortable functioning this way.

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MeTwo2


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As in the Steps .. Made Direct Amends whenever possible, unfortunately we usually need a 12 step program to learn how to do this ..
The crazy making piece just goes hand in hand .. we have crazy family dysfunction on my end with my own family .. Noone talks direct .. and when something happens it's the worst; there never was any direct communication in that others wouldn't let you know if you had harmed them or done something they weren't comfortable with .. Instead they would call in reinforcements and turn to telling others who would in turn then give a piece of their mind .. crazy .. and talk about Killing the Serenity in a home ..

My own mom is 87 years old .. on morphine and truly sicker in her thinking than the alcoholic who hasn't drank in years .. I stayed at her house last night which I don't do too often and my daughter woke at 3 in the morning scared .. I let her come in the living room (there are 2 my mother sleeps in the other in a chair) .. she woke up turned the corner and said dont you guys ever sleep ? why don't you just pack up your things and go home .. had I have said One thing to her, she would have gone into my father's room and told him I was causing problems .. the crazy part ?? he would have Automatically fed her sickness by taking her word as Unbendable Truth .. Those are some sick dynamics because the effects of My disease were Very hidden, confusing, baffling, etc.. well i'd like to say it's the morphine but I'm understanding today it's the disease .. it's always been like this .. crazy and very hurtful .. morphine just makes a good blame for today .. i know it increase things but my point is it's been happening long before morphine came into the picture .. We've had many miraculous moments together since my steps but as of late patterns seem to be creeping back in .. it's harder for me to deal with things too and yet Never as hard as when i first came in to the steps .. so i'm back to sharing in the steps .. and of course I meet my sponsor in the morning ..

Keep sharing and coming back .. something will hit home by another who shines light into your darkness .. God is good ..



-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Monday 2nd of January 2012 11:48:45 AM



-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Monday 2nd of January 2012 11:49:16 AM

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Pushka


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HHugs Tracey, so sorry you went through that. At least the lines of better communication is open. Hugs p ;)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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I am so sad this happened.

Myself I would have called your sis's mil and asked if Christmas was on this year or should I plan to go to my Mothers?

Not depend on mom at all. If she is an addict, it's only important if it is important to them.....

Hugs hugs, debilyn



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nmike


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I always anticipate dysfunction from our families during the holidays. Including myself. We are not at our best. I have asked, particularly my mother, to not triangulate (she told her to tell her, etc.) Be direct and don't talk about someone else. It is working better for me. Go to the source.

Nancy

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Tracey C


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Posts: 118
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Thanks you everyone for your replies.

I was going to confront my Mum about it, but since reading your letters I realise this won't improve the situation at all.  Even though she's not drinking as much she is still as sick as ever.  

Kind Regards,

Tracey



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