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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Deep down I know what I need to do
Post Info TOPIC: Deep down I know what I need to do
pinksurvivor


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Deep down I know what I need to do
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First off, I recognize in myself the 'enabler" role that I always manage to assume.  First husband was a crackhead, my next relationship was with an abusive drug addict/alcoholic who eventually died from multiple gunshot wounds during a drunken argument and now, once again, right after completing treatment for breast cancer, I managed to hookup with a raging alcoholic.

It was fun at first, partying all the time, doing outdoor activities, etc.  I was never a drinker before (both my parents were alcoholics-now deceased) but I was just coming out of cancer treatment and I kind of lost control temporarily.

Of course, things went bad quickly.  Within 5 months I broke up with him.  Due to lonliness and no familial support system, I let him back in my life and he was my support system through numerous major surgeries.

He goes on and acquires another DUI (4th-2010) because I refused to come home or answer his phone calls because he's binge drinking again.

We break up, get back together, he starts drinking and being mean again, I leave the house, tell him I'm fed up and I want him gone by the time I get back from work.  He's still there when I get home, been drinking and driving all day- I have to call his "friend" to remove him from the property because he's getting violent.  He goes to jail later for probation violation because him and his friend have an altercation.

Break up, get back together.

Fast forward Xmas eve, he's drinking and riding a snowmachine and crashes into an ambulance-5 DUI.

His family (mom & stepdad are severe alcoholics) blame this DUI on me and the previous one (2010) and the probation violation on me.  Supposedly we were fighting and that's what made him ride off drunk on the snowmachine.  Untrue, we weren't fighting at all.  I was actually enjoying the night.

I refuse to be AB's 3rd party because I can't control him and I'm not going to jail for no one.

New Year's Eve-his family and his friend accuse me of trying to steal AB's property-i.e. vehicle, atv, etc. they come in the middle of the night and tow it off.  Family says they are going to sell all of his property and establish a trust for AB's son.  AB is flying off the handle hysterical because it is his all he has.

I don't want AB's stuff.  I have my own stuff (4 cars, atvs, house)-I don't need his junk.  I am financially stable, responsible- I don't need this stuff in my life.

Plus, the added stress is not good for maintaining my health.

As I have typed this, I see how insane this situation is.  Please - anyone- I need support.



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M
Breakingfree


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Hi there and I am glad you found MIP. It sounds like you are at a crossroads and I recommend face to face Al-Anon meetings, that is where I first found support and understanding. I am sending you love and support on your journey! Keep coming back.

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Michelle814


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pinksurvivor, welcome. You found the right board because this place is full of wisdom, courage, strength, and most of all... HOPE. For you! Please, post, read, keep coming back. If you have not already I suggest face 2 face al-anon meetings. Its wonderful you are becoming self aware of some of the patterns youve experienced. I have acquired so much self knowledge through al-anon. I hope to hear from you soon.

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
pinkchip


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pink - I think it's clear that you've been through a lot and you need support during your struggles. Breast cancer survivor groups and alanon would be healthy supports. Relationships with addicts and alcoholics would be unhealthy supports. I know that in the past, I tended to gravitate towards relationships when I feel scared and that set me up to be in a relationship out of fear and neediness. What happened when I did this? You tend to draw alchoholics and addicts because they are also needy and want to cling to someone. What I am saying is that I believe it will help you to get your support from healthy outlets for a bit such as alanon and breast cancer survivor groups and to not go looking for it in a man for a while. You clearly have tons of internal fortitude and lots going for you. Some work on yourself will have you better prepped to either be single if you choose or to find a more emotionally available and stable person next time.

For now, yeah, it hurts to break up for anyone. You have such a history of drama with this guy that you are almost used to it and expect it. But...the drama is not good for your mind, body, or soul. The 12 steps are meant to give you peace and serenity so it would not hurt you to work those steps with a sponsor as well.

Just hoping I can say anything that might help you cuz I know how lost I felt during times of breakups.

Mark

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Debilyn


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Well for me I would press charges for trespass and theft as that was criminal behavior. I refuse to allow creepy people take advantage of me. If they believe I will do nothing, they will do it again.

Part of my recovery was protecting ME. No one is allowed on my property with out permission. I have a locked gate and an attack pot bellied pig. haha People are afraid of him when really he is more afraid of them!

Anyway my strength in all things got better and better when I empowered myself.

Good for you for taking care of your responsibilities and I hope your health does wonderful!

love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
nmike


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Welcome to MIP! You are not alone and many have been in your shoes. As they say in the program, take it one day at a time. Meetings, reading the literature, talking to my sponsor, and working a recovery program have all helped me.

Keep coming back!

Nancy

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kris10


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When I was in your situation it helped me alot to read "the merry go round of denial". Just search for it on google and you will find it... You are right where you need to be!!

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Kristen

Michelle814


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just read that, kris10. thanks for sharing.

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
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