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someone once read to me a reading on manipulation .. It went along the lines of "Why does the alcoholic outmaneuver and manipulate us at every turn ? Because we still think we can control its affects."
This morning I am in the middle of crazy family dynamics .. Watching the roles .. in my resentments .. but seeing the spiritual awareness as it is ..
In step 1 there is a reading that says what we Don't admit in step 1 is just as important as what we do admit .. We do not admit we are failures ..
Why do we not admit we are failures ?? Thinking back on my whole life never having recognised the alcoholism (elephant) in the middle of the room, I felt like a failure for Every failed attempt to control this disease .. I never Knew the elephant was in the room And furthermore many don't .. I Always thought the elephant was right there and that people knew and were choosing not to look ..
Wow .. I didn't even know how big that elephant was and I have the steps and have had for near several years now ..
My Main survival mechanism and character defect is obssession .. When I'm obssessing it's always on the bad, usually in the past and usually in the present .. I am Constantly trying to find the cure for alcoholism .. I was recognising that in my thinking I was planning my Next reaction for when the alcoholic comes to visit .. what I would say to him .. what I would do which is Exactly why I will Fail and he will manipulate and outmaneuver me .. What I Finally realise I am doing is figuring out Cures .. I will do this and then he/they will do this .. It won't work Because there is no cure But I will be left Again Feeling like a failure for my failed attempts !!
With my family, Same thing .. I used to sit and plan my Next action .. What I would say; what they would do then and so forth .. My family has always outmaneuvered me too/His too because I am constantly looking for the next attempt to Control this disease ..(my next thought, plan of action, behavior; theirs, etc.. which is why it is so absolutely important for me to begin to think more of living Just One day at a time with no planning .. Being in the moment .. (which thank God is also a process not an event) it's ok if I can't do it Just yet; I'm seeing it, therefore, I know the Awareness will progress to Acceptance, and then Action .. I can breath easier now ..
Until I redirect my focus in the form of healthy boundaries for me .. what do I choose to accept what do I not and Fully Accept and Surrender my Every attempt when attempting to focus on them will fail; I will be fully affected by the affects of this disease .. This is A piece in Why Acceptance is the key to serenity ..
Alcoholism is Rampant .. At home; on the streets; in the schools; at work .. Everywhere we go .. Many many of our failures stem from having attempted to find the cure and failed .. This is why Much of our Guilt stems from our failed attempts to control, cause, change, cure, this disease ..
For what it's worth, I truly wanted to share this because I'm seeing it on a spiritual level and grateful to pass it on .. If it helps One person; that's enough .. I feel inspired to share it, so I'm not judging it; I'm just listening to higher power and throwing it out here ..
I Still have shares I need to share on my alcoholic today because I am grieving but this recognition definitely helps me to rethink my obssessions .. I definitely cannot control the Insideous Selfish affects of this disease in the past .. so what in our Good Gods name makes me think I will be able to control it tomorrow .. The only way to control the effects on ME is to attend a meeting today .. Set healthy boundaries and Stop trying to prepare for outcomes .. I Need to prepare Me so that I will be in better shape mentally emotionally and spiritually to be prepared to handle better whatever comes my way ..
Please do have a Safe and Wonderful New Year .. That happens to be my next share .. ((hugs))
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Saturday 31st of December 2011 12:42:41 PM
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Saturday 31st of December 2011 12:44:44 PM
I love this share and your awareness! I have a big white elephant knock knack in my living room to remind me of many things I have learned this last year. Acceptance is hard, but so rewarding when you can. Letting things go to your Hp that you cant control saved me. I try to read the serenity prayer anytime I feel the need to communicate with 1 of my a's. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I love the elephants we have the pink elephant at our house. LOL. Between me and a couple of friends who truly understand the saying is the pink elephant knocked today.
Great share, .. great awareness and it really does get better if we get out of our own way and allow the healing that the program promises to actually happen.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It's So great how this program works .. Rereading my share and both your replies I discovered Three things ..
One .. I have Always defined myself as just plain Negative by nature .. I'm Finally seeing that wasn't necessarily the case .. What I see is that it's even normal to Obssess on Only the bad and Especially the negative because that Is the disease .. So, my thinking negative I'm recognising was Really all part still of searching for the cure .. what a relief to see this because what I can change is how long I choose to stay in my mind searching the cure that doesn't exist .. It will be useful to remember this is letting go and letting God ..
Two .. what I also recognise is it's Also Unknowingly another reason many of my non drinking relatives (my mother) is so negative .. She has absolutely no idea she's even searching for cures or why she has herself always felt like a failure .. It will help me to have a better understanding of her making it easier at times to detach .. Not get so sucked in when she gets so mad because a Piece of her anger and frustration stems from her calling herself a failure for failing to control literally things that are truly beyond her control .. She's also angry at others who also have not yet found the cure .. the same way I have been ..
Three .. Suddenly I Love Elephants And I am going to buy me one and Keep it in my living room !! lol Sending you both love back .. Thanks so much for Always being here .. of course I do have one other share I'm going to try to leave but it's the process of working through my grief .. I've recognised things on my alcoholic as well .. my expectations of our relationship, etc.. i'm a work in progress but Regardless of how negative my shares may read, please know I am So Grateful to say I am making more progress .. The answer is definitely coming here and to meetings ..
but wow . I even also recognise how Abusive this disease can be .. She Also called Us failures for not finding the cure .. I do realise though she has had no idea she's done this .. what a crazy message to carry to our children, loved ones .. No wonder we all feel crazy made with .. and no wonder why many of us come in confused with our higher powers and believing we are supposed to be so powerful ..
My controlling attitude that I posses and every day have to give to God is directly from my mother. She has all the same character defects that I posses. The difference is I see them and am working through them while she is in denial. But that is her and this is me. MeTwo2, I absolutely love your share and it is so exciting to read someone's epiphanies and realizations and growth. i can't explain how much I love it, its like re-reading all of my own epiphanies, realizations, and growths all over again. I have a new one daily, it seems. You get it, just keep doing what is best for you.. and I agree, I want an elephant now too haha. Happy NYE please be safe.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
thanks for your share. I just realised that the two white elephants I have in my lounge room (given to me by my grandmother ..) could symbolise myself and my husband. The only difference, at times, is that he puts alcohol in his mouth & I don't. And at other times I love beyond the disease. Early days for me. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
This is a great share and I actually find it fascinating how you are learning the same things I learned in AA but in a different way. This is all about you letting go and letting God and living in the moment. You cannot enjoy today while you are so busy projecting and planning for this and that and trying to run damage control all the time.
Thanks to everyone; I picked up a Virus on my computer and was never able (until right now) to get back on and read these responses .. These shares are so great .. I think Now I want a Whole Herd of elephants .. lol but I think one is enough for me .. I love these epiphanys myself .. I am So grateful for So much in this program .. God is good .. I have another epiphany to share .. Going to post ..
