The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Biggest problems turned out to be self-worth (or lack thereof), fear, anger (fear of others' anger, inability to let myself feel angry), guilt (about my sister), and shame (feeling I don't deserve to be in program/getting help because other people have "real problems" that make mine seem minor).
I also put self-centered and selfish on the list, and was surprised to realize that I couldn't explain why, I "just feel" that I am those things. Which is making me start to question why I feel that way...
...anyway, I don't feel nearly as horrible as I thought I would post-inventory, and I'm kinda relieved. But also concerned I might have done it wrong, because that doesn't seem bad enough -- there are more serious defects like resentment and control issues (eg. things I would actually feel guilty about) that are in the Blueprint, but not on my list... since I couldn't come up with examples of these being problems in my life, they're not on my list, but then I look at my list and wonder if I'm being too easy on myself/in denial about defects that would make me feel guilty.
Still need to talk this over with my sponsor next week (or next few weeks... that was a LOT of writing!), but I'm glad to have gotten this far.
-- Edited by atheos on Saturday 31st of December 2011 01:28:38 AM
YYou can always revisit the step again later. Congrats on doing your step 4!!!
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
one of my issues with the steps is that the structure implies that they are sequential...you have to complete one step before the next...
for me, step 4 is something I continue cycle through -- wow...I thought I had my act together, went through some serious emotional pain this last month...and now my step 4 list is LONGER! as new experiences, losses and sorrows hit us on the head with learning...it makes sense to me to keep revisiting the steps...and not necessarily one before the other...
the fact that you are doing an inventory at all says you are well on your way ....and you can always revisit it...
I had to redo the 4th step a few times before I felt a working benefit. Each pass at it took a long time. I found attending step meetings extremely helpful. I find it helpful to cycle through step 4 routinely - it's helpful for me to be aware of what I'm feeling and why, and process issues as they arise.
I am also working on the blueprint. I like my free hand list better but the blueprint has brought some awareness. I have felt some benefits so far as I humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. I think I need for time to work on what is good about me.. remember that your inventory includes what you got on the shelves that is worth selling. Im sure you have so much. I think I need to work on that in depth because i can name many things i would like removed.. but what i would like to keep its hard for me to pin point at times. I know I have alot to offer, I just get stuck remembering what they are. I don't know myself as well as most people do. or maybe i do but i want to know myself more. Keep up the good work, atheos.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I've had the "Bud" experience also...have done 6 4ths and continue with the 10th on a daily basis...("continued to take personal inventory and when I was wrong promptly admitted it). The 4th is an SFM step...Searching - Fearless - Moral (the difference between good and bad). Behaviors are and were for me the moral evidence for how I treated myself and others and there were and still are the best evidence that cause me to keep myself in check.
Good work on the first attempt...this is where the courage to change the things I can arrives. In support. ((((hugs))))
PS...What Michelle posted is also right on...don't do only the bad because the step needs balance...good and bad. We're not all one sided. My second 4th attempt I did had more items in "bad" than in good and my sponsor refused to review it...told me "keep it and keep working on it"...I'm grateful for that.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 31st of December 2011 09:43:54 AM
THE STEPS ARE THE KEY TO RECOVERY AND THE BLUEPRINT IS A GREAT WAY TO WORK THE 4TH STEP. I DO REMEMBER THAT THAT BOOK DOES STRESS LISTING OUR ASSETS AS WELL
I, LIKE OUR GOOD FRIEND JERRY FOUND I AM NEVER FINISHED WORKING THE STEPS. AND EACH YEAR I DO A 4TH THRU 10 STEP BECAUSE, JUST LIKE THE PROVERBIAL PEELING OF THE ONION, REMOVING MY OUTER PROTECTIVE SKIN IS A PROCESS.
AS FOR WORKING THE STEPS IN ORDER--I KNOW THAT IN THE BEGINNING I COULD ONLY GIVE LIP SERVICE TO THE 1ST THREE STEPS AND THAT- I COULD WORK THE 1 OTH AND 11 TH STEP EVERY EVENING I DO BELIEVE THAT WAS THE BEGINING OF MY BEING RESTORED TO SANITY
Ii STILL USE BOTH STEPS DAILY AS WELL AS THE FIRST 3
.WE ARE ON THE 3RD STEP ON THE STEP WORK BOARD AND WILL MOVE TO THE 4TH NEXT SUNDAY
PLEASE JOIN US. IT IS VERY HELPFUL
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 31st of December 2011 09:55:18 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 31st of December 2011 09:56:18 AM
