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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> anyone been in the visitation situation where they felt trapped ??
Post Info TOPIC: anyone been in the visitation situation where they felt trapped ??
MeTwo2


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anyone been in the visitation situation where they felt trapped ??
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I've been sharing on my addict x partner slash father of my child .. Our daughter's been through So much already .. the abandonment of his going and becoming progressively sicker/more detached, etc.. his cold cut off .. he visits our daughter once a week but phonecalls in between are less n less for her .. he calls and leaves messages on my machine undoubtedly in front of others on his end saying things into my machine with a tone of aggression such as, "and I will be seeing my daughter on Sunday!" as if .. i've ever told him he couldn't .. if i call him for anything, he's cold and short .. he will wait til his brother n law and sister are in the background and yell, "You're not keeping me from my daughter, @$#!% .. " his family in turn that hears only him and only cares about hearing him will join in .. I can't get away from him because if he takes me to court, the courts follow the law (i spoke to them) .. he will get more time with her .. the man is on a legal alternative herb that has the same affects I swear of meth .. when he's running out of his herb, he's edging .. our daughter's birthday he came and created a crisis .. we were in the car with our daughter just running to pick up her christmas presents where we kept them to bring them home in the trunk; he was going to be my diversion so we could get them home without her seeing them ... he pitched such a fit for wanting to get his drug before the smokeshop closed and began yelling .. she cried .. i felt so trapped .. he didn't come out and say it in the open but that's what was going on .. I don't know how to see him .. i feel so awkward and vulnerable ..

this isn't my only share tonight but I just can't believe there's nothing I can do to keep her safer .. I thought of mediation but if he isn't willing to do that, which he isn't, then he has the choice to take me to court and could win .. this is my concern .. has anyone Ever been in this position and if so can you please share how you worked out the visitations ?? I'm so confused .. there are a million things and situations i could share but am too tired to type .. it's been a nightmare .. i've Never been able to have more than a week away from him at a time .. I begin to feel better and then it's time for him to come back .. just hoping to read similar situations and solutions that worked .. feel like i'm at a loss ..



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MeTwo2


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when it comes to the court I spoke with a certain group that handles situations such as mine .. I do have an appointment coming up with an attorney to get legal advice or atleast to learn my rights .. Yet i was told as far as his drug i would have to prove it .. I can't .. just adding some clarity .. his family dynamics are whacked and i just think it would be so bad to have her in the middle of them .. ? Thanks for letting me share ..

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Pushka


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Hugs MeTwo,

Is anything documented through the law? Arrests? ANYTHING that would prove that there is an issue? Personally, I would try and find a way to do a full background check, there are things that he has probably NOT told you about, at least you would know. I think it's great that you are going to the lawyer to get some legal advice. SAVE those messages is another thing because right there in my mind there might be enough to show there is aggression on his part. I would share those with the lawyer.

Hugs P :)

I am praying for you and your situation. It has to be so hard, you are not alone and there are others I'm sure who have been in similar situations.

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Breakingfree


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Could you be doing something in another room during visitation? Is visitation court ordered? I don't have enough info to understand your situation, but for me I was so fearful of losing my girls I wasn't seeing the facts with my exah. He didn't want to be strapped with the responsibility of the kids fulltime. What we had worked out prior to my filing for divorce is the schedule we stayed on. Getting legal advice is priceless. Sending you love and support!
.

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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MeTwo2


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thanks .. actually he's got a criminal record from his past,. He had gotten himself into trouble before he moved here how many years ago and then he was involved in a drug situation 4 years ago .. the problem is i was told that wouldn't be used against him .. He also left a message at one point on my greeting Filled with aggression .. That I will attempt to let him listen to .. We spoke today briefly and I asked him why he wouldn't consider going through mediation even for 3 months to give us time to move forward, etc .. He began to say not doin that .. etc.. that was while he was letting me know he wouldn't be seeing her this weekend because newyears falls on a Saturday night this week .. what makes me sick in all this is i can't believe i Still have feelings for this man .. drives me nuts but as far as visitation goes and all feeling aside .. I would really like to break away from all of this .. it's so ugly and i have really given away alot of myself ..

I'm wondering though when i think of him .. how much of this is a bluff .. he doesn't have time/money now .. getting more time would make him need to pay attention, etc.. give up more time, etc.. sometimes i think about calling him on his bluff to reach an attorney in the first place .. I have no idea but i know he has thought of that .. I don't think he's bluffing in trying to take me to court for something but not sure what .. the legal is good .. it's hard for me to sit still in the meantime ..

Soo tired .. Geez sometimes i wonder if my head is Ever gonna be on here straight .. I know there are alot of spiritual awakenings in this program that just don't happen overnight .. it's such a process .. Thanks to you both .. I'l know more on wednesday ..

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rehprof


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Call in the troops!

Often abused women's groups have great resources about how to keep you and your kids safe, and are often "up" on the local laws, judges, cops, and officials who will be helpful. When things were crazy at my house -- I talked to the local sheriff about what to do.

in my state, mediation is mandatory when kids are involved..many states have similar requirements...so where visitation is an issue, he may not have a choice...your lawyer will know....

if your kids are in school...sometimes guidance counselors know of great resources too...my 9 year old is in a support group at school..which is just awesome...

try to get to a face-to-face meeting, too...

you will get through this, but know you don't have to figure this all out yourself...there are people out here to help you!!



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bud


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Lots of good support already posted.

Yes, consult a lawyer.

I agree to contact your local women's shelter for additional help. They will assist with safety for you and your daughter, also someone qualified to talk to your daughter to help her process her feelings.

In many states, a mandatory drug test prior to seeing the children can be imposed. Also the courts can order routine testing. (although, I know that there are many ways the tests can be manipulated to give a false positive.)

My exAH often becomes threatening and says horrible things- as he weaves an alternate reality in order to avoid the consequences from his decisions and behaviors. Underneath, I don't think his intention is to hurt anyone, but I also know that, for him, his disease is stronger than he is and I'd best protect myself if he does fall to an extreme that would be devastating to himself or my daughter and me. It's a tough balance- I'm sure I'm not getting it right all the time... maybe none of the time, but doing the best with the information that I have.

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MeTwo2


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Thanksfor the idea of the women's shelter .. actually i'm sure they've been through this Many times before .. As for drug tests .. he has them already court ordered .. However, legal substances such as the new alternative drug Spice do Not show up in the UAs so it's home free and yet the effects are very similar to a meth comedown .. My lawyer and i meet wednesday .. i will have an earfull for him when i finally get there .. i wish mediation were mandatory in this state too .. As for guidance counselors, we have a family therapist we've been seeing .. I went by myself last time and she's actually very good so far .. we'll see ..

Thanks so much for being here for support and the reminder the diseaes is stronger than him . it's stronger than all of us .. it's always whooped my tusch ..
Thank God for recovery

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likemyheart


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I would go for the domestic abuse people, they can give you great guidance. One thing I did was record him at his blustering for proof he was going to far. Might be a way to establish something with him where he has to treat you verbally with respect because he knows he is being recorded - tell him that from now on you are recording all conversations with him - you can tell him its what your lawyer advised, but if he knows he is being recorded my guess is he will stop the verbal bullying - mine did once I sent him one of the recording via email. Of course he claimed he was a different person back then and i was just being mean and spiteful and cruel and.... well, you get the idea - but since he knows i will record him he stopped. Good luck

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Pushka


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MMany States are outlawing spice. My husbands company is doing random drug tests and because it's outlawed here they are finding new ways to test for that and k2. So it will catch up to him at some point. Hugs. Good luck at the lawyers! P ;)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> anyone been in the visitation situation where they felt trapped ??