The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband truly wants to get better. He knows his life has become unmanageable, however, even though he wants to get counseling (and has first appt already set up), to figure out why he's so angry, he doesn't see why he needs to go back to rehab. He wants to instead do the counseling, keep meeting with our pastor on a weekly basis and continue to apply what he learned in rehab the first time (back in Aug). He believes he'll only hear the same things over again if he goes back to rehab, so that's the only part he's not agreeing too.
Now, part of me understands what he's saying about rehab. Continue to apply what he learned the first time and continue to live in the real world to battle this disease head-on or spend 30 more days in rehab going over what he already knows he needs to do.
We are separated and will remain so. I have to see change and longer than a few months to feel comfortable living with him again but I guess my question is if you have completed rehab once, is it necessary to do it again if you know what you need to do by following the 12 steps and going to AA meetings on a regular basis? I'm just curious what others think. Regardless of what he does, like I said above, I do have to see some change and feel comfortable longer than 3 months (how long he went before relapsing first time out of rehab), to live with him again.
Many of the successful members of AA have never been to rehab. In fact when AA was first founded there were no rehabs (only hospitals where alcoholics were medically detoxed)
I think that Rehabs provide a save haven to recover for a short time. True they hear the same message but get MORE practice each time they attend. I always felt safer when my partner was "safe"in rehab I knew where he was and that he was being cared for.
I believe your partner could talk it over with the counselor and together make a decision for what is the right path for him
This is going to sound flip and my intention is to be supportive, what I hear you say when it comes to him having another stay in rehab is blah blah blah. Don't tell me show me. A good action of really meaning what he says is doing what ever is necessary to deal with his issues even if that means going back to rehab. I didn't notice you say anything about aa meetings for him or alanon meetings for you. 90 meetings in 90 days is usually the standard for aa. getting a sponsor and so on. This is much more than just a one shot deal on getting sober. He doesn't know what he might hear the second time around that would make a life changing moment. Until he decides to work a program of recovery then its all talk. That's just my opinion and feelings on the matter. He's going to stay sober or not the reality is what are you going to do for your own recovery. It's not always easy you deserve to have a great support team in your corner as well. Hugs p;) take what you like and leave the rest.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha Lost...hope that little cutie of your's eyes are doing perfect.
As for the big one he's got choices...things he will resist and things he will accept. What does he really want; Alcohol free sobriety one day at a time so he can keep his life in spite of what you want? He is going to have to want it bad only for himself just like every other recovering alcoholic who I know in the program. Puska's question..."...what are you going to do?" is the most important; regardless of rehab or not. MIP is one of the things you are willing to do...what else?
It's up to him but my AH just got out of rehab and it was his fourth time.. yes, fourth.. and he said that he still learned and even better is he struggled with his anxieties and worries so that he was forced to deal with them head on in a safe environment with counselors on call. I think my husband benefited from his fourth stay in treatment, as he did the 1st-3rd.. whos to say which time is the charm. Good luck to you and no matter what he does.. keep coming back.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I am going to Al-Anon and he is going to AA (which I mentioned above). When we go back home, we will remain separated and I'll continue Al-Anon there as well. I know I can't control what he does. That's why I want to remain separated. I just didn't know if he went back, what else he would gain. I do believe he'll learn something, but it's his choice and out of my control.
Oh, and Jerry F, his eyes seem to be doing well! We'll see for sure on Thursday.
Opps sorry LM .. reading on the phone, I couldn't refer back to the original post. Yes, it boils down to all about his choices and again for me when it comes to my situation I want to see action I don't want to hear words. I believe what I see not what I am told. My actions are to continue going to meetings what does or doesn't happen on the other side of the street is on the other person.
Hugs, keep coming back, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I think the real question is, as others have noted, whether his current plan is enough to keep him on the path of sobriety. If it is, then he'll stay sober. If not, then he won't. If he thinks the current plan will work, the answer will be clear to him soon enough. And most likely clear to you as well. If he decides to stay out of rehab, he can go to three AA meetings per day if he feels the need for intensive support. So it's certainly possible. I know it's so tempting to want to make sure he follows the likeliest plan and has the best chance of recovery. But it's out of your hands -- as it always has been. It was so hard for me to learn that. I still try to resist it (and I still am powerless). I hope you can keep on taking good care of yourself.
Hi, My hubby never went to rehab, only to court ordered AA. After 11 years, he is still in AA. Like the others have said, it is all out of your control. You can only "hope" he will choose wisely, but remember, his HP is in true control. So? What are you going to do? Make your life the best you can have.
I'm quickly realizing that it is truly out of my control. I am leaving it up to my HP for my AH to get the help he needs. Thanks all for your comments.
a lot of people in AA won't date anybody who hasn't done a fourth step and has five years of continious sobriety, which means, no using for five years and also attending meetings and working with a sponsor for the same five years.
I knew where he was and that he was being cared for.