The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well...I don't know what to say. I just know that the grieving process is in full swing. I have managed to get through my first Christmas w/o my DAD.
So far I have cried, got angry, etc. I guess I am definitely going through it.
I hope time heals me. I am nervous about my mental health & chose not to go down to the service on Friday. Too much to handle at this stage in my life. Like I said before, I was expecting to see my DAD in the spring or summer but look what expectations get ya sometimes. I am kind of pessimistic right now but I am trying to act as if I am OK. Yesterday, I had a Christmas hangover. It was very interesting because I didn't even drink?
On Saturday, backing up a little. I went to a small party & there was a lot of alchohol. I didn't drink at all but I was actually tempted. I wish I was able to drink a glass of wine but because of my situation, taking meds., husband & mother are recovering alcholics & my mom is what she calls a WINO. Go figure. Maybe I shouldn't drink anyway even to celebrate, huh? sparkling grape apple cider is pretty good anyway.
Later Saturday I got home & got a call from a lady who basically calls me her sponsor, I think I still am. She asked me & I said yes a while ago. But anyway. She said that I have helped her so much that she felt that she should help me. Really that she wanted to. Also, I picked up my mail & there was a sympathy card from MY sponsor. It surprised me because I didn't know what it was because she had already sent me a Christmas card--talk about a different kind of feeling. And, my sponsor works for Hallmark, isn't that interesting?
Anyhow, today is Tues. I am doing OK but I feel kinda different like never before. I am able to see myself in a different light & am definitely in recovery. I have been attending a lot of meetings lately AA & Alanon. I even went to AA on Christmas night. There I go going backwards again. I know I am OK. I need to share even if it is difficult.
I posted on FB a picture of my DAD as my profile pic. It looked so great. My DAD also wrote a poem that I posted on there--it made me feel better. My sister said that she might read it at the grave site. I think it is a great idea. I am just so grateful to have my family to support me even if I just need to say HI. I am kind of needy but I guess that is something normal I think.
Life goes on...I will grieve but I will be OK. I have to remind myself that daily right now.
By the way, my DAD didn't have a real good friend for many years. He was always w/ his wife for 36 years. I could have never lived like that but He was my dad. That's the way he was. He did have two chiuhuas(sp) that he loved dearly. Ginger & Sugar. Just wanted to say that.
More will go on & I will deal w/ it as time goes by--one day at a time. It seems to go better that way.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
