The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I ran across this message board today & thought I would post something. It's good to know there are other people experiencing the same things you are going through. My husband has a drinking problem & of course he thinks he doesn't. Every time I have brought it up it turns into my problem..I was brought up differently, his job is stressful, he just likes to "relax" on his days off, etc etc. The amount of alcohol has increased a lot over the past month. So now it's every night that I get to look forward to a drunk husband. Every night I worry/stress about what I'll say or do that will push a button in him & make him start an argument. I can't talk about this to my family & his family is on the opposite coast. Just feeling lost & alone..and tired and angry..so many things I'm feeling. I don't want to lose my husband or my marriage, but I can't live this way either. I just wish he would realize he has a problem
Welcome to MIP, HockeyGrl, You are not alone!!! The first thing I think you should hear are the three C's.. you did not cause it and you also can't control it or cure it. Those were epiphanies for me to hear. I hadn't realized that until Al-Anon. I suggest you find a face to face meeting in your area. What you are going through right now, though completely painful, does not have to be your whole world.. Al-Anon will show you that there is happiness; whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. Keep coming back and exploring this site. This site, f2f meetings, literature, and my sponsor and friends have changed my life. It works if you work it. Hope you keep posting.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Thank you Michelle!! I know you are right. It is so completely frustrating when you are made to feel like you are the problem, but the other person can't see that they are actually the problem. I will try & find a support group near me..I am sure it would help me at least not feel like I'm not alone in this.
You aren't alone. Something that helped me along with the 3 C's was the fact I couldn't get better until I took the focus off of other people and put it back on myself. My daughter (12 years old, my little yoda .. lol) said to me out of the blue before alanon. "Mom, doyou know when you point at someone else there are 3 fingers pointing back at you?" That really stuck with me and I started to realize right then that maybe everything that was going on, there was some of it that I needed to address in myself.
Ironically, as I become happier within myself, as I live my own life instead of obsessing over the "what if's", the "should's", and the "if only's" I'm finding out that I spent a WHOLE lot of time trying to control something that I am powerless over.
I do hope you will do as suggested and find an alanon program in your area and start going to meetings I found after the first meeting while all of my problems weren't solved I felt for the first time in a LONG time hopeful.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so sorry you are in this situation, and I totally understand and can relate to what you are going through. You are not alone. Al Anon meetings helped me tremendously living with my AH, and I hope you can find a meeting in your area. It works. A slogan I love is, Let it Begin with Me. I had to learn to help myself first in my situation. All of my "help" was just making things worse. I was a mess...frustrated, lonely, angry, and unable to share this with my family and friends. I'm glad you are here
Hi and welcome to MIP! I hope you are able to make it to face to face Al-anon meetings and gain some insight and maybe a sponsor to help you handle living with an active A without walking on eggshells or taking the blame personally. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you so much everyone for your replies & support! I appreciate it more than you know. There are times like tonight, when I feel especially alone in all this. The one thing that I am really tired of is, him starting arguments over something that I say which is completely harmless & he will twist it around into something else..like I have a hidden message in what I'm saying. I try to leave the argument, & then it becomes my problem again. It's sooo frustrating. I would love to have my husband back for an evening..with no alchohol..just the person I fell in love with :( Evenings are always the worst.
Hey HockeyGirl, I hear you on the twisting of words, soon you stop talking, start being too quiet and then he is mad at you because you don't talk to him anymore; accusing you of having boyfriends to talk to so you don't want to talk to him and the real truth is you don't talk anymore because you want to avoid the arguement which seems to come anyway BECAUSE you aren't talking to him to avoid an arguement! What a crazy-making way to live eh?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Hey hockey girl, you most certainly are not alone. That was the most comforting thing for me to also realise when I found this message board. I can realate to not wanting to say anything in case of starting an argument. I have been struggling with this myself, I find when I try to talk to abf its pointless as he is in so much denial and his family are too it gets into an argument, I then keep everything in where I don't want to say anything and then I totally go so far into myself I shut down, and abf wonders what's wrong with me?? I have decided to get myself to a f2f meeting and by a lot of others reccomendations to take the focus on him and to now put it on me. Which isn't easy for me, I really need to start looking after me now because I have fet as if I have been losing my mind. Just wanted to let you know your not alone, stick around and listen to others which has been helpful for me. And to share how you feel. I wish you well.
