The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I will be spending Christmas at my daughter's and she has invited her brother for dinner, my son who is an active A. I have been working the Al-Anon program and doing well with detaching. It will be a difficult situation for me if he shows up and has obviously been drinking. I will want to leave and distance myself from the situation but I don't want to upset my daughter or the grandchildren. Will I be running away instead of facing the facts? I am feeling very anxious and not sure what would be the best way to handle this.
Aloha Rose and this sounds like a job for sponsor lady...or topic in one of your meetings; here is also good because of all of the old timers and ESH.
Just for me I'd look at the fear I was feeling about the future and get back into the moment. I'd also go with the recovery awareness that I learned that Fear is the absence of Love and then go with Love..."The complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly what/who they are" (Al-Anon lesson on the definition of love)...Of course a booster shot of steps, slogans and traditions and the Serenity Prayer and Mostly I'll go find the hem of my HP's cloak and just hold on and tag along with HP.
You don't know what the future holds and you can practice acceptance, grace, tolerance, mercy and margin in the now. If he doesn't drink or isn't drunk will you still walk on eggshells and be edgy and will you also fell guilty for not trusting and some shame? If he does drink will he be doing something out of the normal for him and will it just be in the short period of time that you will be there. Will go go prepared to fight or flight or just have a good time for the short period of time you will be with others ...and him.
Al-Anon has a slogan which for me helps me in my most favorite slogan..."Don't React" and that one is "Think"...openmindedly and slowly while holding on to the hemline of my HP cloak.
Just a little ESH from a fellow family member. Have a very Merry Christmas starting now. (((((hugs)))))
Jerry - thank you for responding. I love what you said about "hanging on to the hem of my HP's cloak". I will go with love, not fear, and enjoy the precious time spent with my family.
You're right - no use worrying about what "may" happen. I need to control my emotions and not react which takes a lot of work for me.
Rose if you have our daily reader ODAT go to page on july 14th , everything you need to know to get thru the day is on that page and if you have the detachment pamphlet take it with you and keep it in your purse . He is what he is Rose just love him and ask HP to help you with acceptance . enjoy the day Louise
Update - My son didn't call or show up at my daughter's Christmas Eve like he promised. He has been staying at his Dad's house and his father made the mistake of giving our son some money towards the dinner we were planning on having at a local restaurant after church services. He spent the money on whiskey and his father found him passed out Christmas morning with the empty bottle next to him. I was still at my daughter's house so he called and told her what happened. He ended up taking him to the ER at the local hospital. As of now, I have no idea whether he was admitted or not. Neither his sister or myself want to be involved anymore as we both know we need to let go. This is the 3rd time he has been hospitalized in as many months and we are tired & also cannot help being angry, although we do recognize this is a disease and not who he really is. Unfortunately, his Dad still believes he can just quit if he really wants to and wants no part of Al-Anon. I keep repeating the Serenity Prayer and reading from my Al-Anon book. Praying that God takes care of my son and that he finally surrenders and seeks sobriety.
So sorry you are dealing with this at the moment. Sending you love and support.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Rose, I am thinking of you, you are in my prayers. I too have an A son. I walk on eggs alot, but am determined to work the Al-Anon program a lot harder than I have been.
I feel your pain Rose, in support, God Bless You.
Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
He is what he is Rose just love him and ask HP to help you with acceptance . enjoy the day Louise