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Such a funny thing to trigger a memory, however it does. Something I have to be very aware in myself is not comparing what I do to other people. Really what my mom thought, thank you for the gift of "what other people think of me is none of my business." It has given me such great freedom in my relationship with my mom. Gift wrapping is one of those things. LOL.
My mom is a perfect gift wrapper. She's someone who can make her own homemade bows, the ends always match and it looks like something out of a Martha Stewart Christmas magazine. It was always extremely intimidating as a child to watch her do this. Ask her how she did and this was always her way never to take the time to show me because she was in too much of a hurry. Or if she did, it was fraught with so much stress for me, because I heard how I did it all wrong. It took all of the fun away from the experience and I felt ugly as I gave my gifts to people. I still have a difficult time with giving a wrapped present.
This was with everything from cleaning my room, bed making, cooking and so on. I didn't enjoy doing anything of that nature until I moved out (I still struggle however I'm coming to terms with it) because I never had to hear how I did it wrong. There was never time for her to show me how to do basic things and she lacked patience. I took that as silent code for I was to stupid to learn. I know now as an adult that's not true as a kid though it's hard not to key in on those things.
I have noticed even now if I tell my mom what we are having for dinner the first comment is oh that's a lot of starch, or oh that sounds awfuly salty. I'm learning to ignore those comments because as an adult I understand this is not about me. It's really her and what is bothering her AND the fact she has no inside voice. Everything she thinks comes out of her mouth .. lol .. it's made for some comical situations to which I respond .. filter mom .. your filter is turned off please turn it on.
So as I wrap gifts in my not so perfect way .. lol .. may be with bows or not with bows it will depend on what is within reach. My children will wrap their gifts and I am available for questions and will guide them the best I can. My daughter and I laugh over who can do the most unique gift wrap session. I will remember that just like my HP made me all of my gift wrapping will be unique and will be perfect to the person I give it to. After all who really remembers the outside wrapping they want what is given on the inside. I don't have to carry my insecurities about being perfect on to my kids or project them on anyone else else.
Merry Christmas, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you so much for sharing P! I was laughing as I read it... for so MANY reasons. Filters have been a reason topic of conversation lately around our home. My MIL and my Dad have both lost any sense of filters. I was at my daughter's orchestra concert at school and my MIL was sitting next to me. She is so highly critical of everyone and yet she herself is a mess. As we were listening to the kids play she commented on one of my daughters friends and said "she is not a very attractive child at all.".... I about fainted. I wanted to say to her "have you looked in the mirror lately??" but of course I did not. What a hateful thing to say. I do not understand why people feel the need to be so critical of others. Especially children. As we get older I guess our filters get thinner and thinner. I pray that mine does not!
Thanks for this thoughtful share. Brought to mind my issues with my mother - (whom I've posted about here rather frequently). I love her dearly, she's always been a good mother, and she has an IQ of about 1000 (perhaps this is why she feels justified in saying anything and everything that comes to mind without thinking of my feelings). Trying to keep a close relationship with her while refraining from reacting to her remarks is a constant struggle. I've learned I cannot allow myself to be too much by what anyone else thinks, even my mom. Happy holidays!
OH I NEEDED THIS--after being guilt-ridden about rushing my daughters through decorating cookies for Santa-mainly because I really hate doing it (I sound like a grinch, but sugar cookie cut outs annoy me to the core to make)...but I'd be happy giving Santa store bought cookies hahaha...
Thanks! I needed to take my own inventory today and SLOW down and be in the moment.
I had a good laugh and am going to use your line for a couple people, please use your filter, haha! I think I didn't have a filter for a very long time, but now thanks to Al-anon I am using my filter as well! Great share and Merry Christmas to you!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I am so sorry you had to deal with a perfectionist cold mother. One reason I cannot be around my younger sister is that she has continued the family pattern of idolizing one child (her oldest) and leaving out the younger one. I simply cannot bear to be around that.
I am so glad you managed to break the family patterns. I am glad you are here and have the willingness and courage to look at your past and move on from there.
thank you for reminding me that I too broke the family patterns and that is such a huge achievement to be proud of.
LOL I read this and thought to myself nothing I ever wrap is perfect!!! I even told my AH he didn't have to wrap any of my presents. He already was anxious for everything telling him to wrap my presents seemed like unnecssary cruelty.
I love that you and your daughter had a contest for most uniquely wrapped gift, it's those memories that matter not how perfectly that package is done!
hahaha...