The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How has my self esteem grown since coming to Al-Anon?
I have learned, with the help of my higher power and my lovely friends at Al-Anon how to admit my flaws, humbly ask God to remove my short comings, and at the same time remember all I have to offer the world and all the good qualities that I possess.
I was a confident person before Al-Anon, or so it seemed. I thought I was very right and I became very righteous and very controlling due to these illusions. In the same breath I would have days where I just plain hated myself. I was too this or too that and just never good enough. Because of my controlling, judgemental attitude I was the biggest judge... over me! This is why I am at the top of the list of those to make ammends to (as read in C2C i think?) I put so much pressure on me to be perfect, to be smarter, to be prettier, to be more successful, to have a the perfect husband. It was overwhelming.
Now I can accept myself just the way I am because I have accepted that my HP loved me just as I was then and will love me as I continue to change. My HP just wants a relationship with me; nothing more, nothing less. But if I can gain self awareness leading to acceptance and then self confidence along the way of saving my sanity and changing myself for the better, it will only bring my HP and me closer.
When I think about the mistakes I made in the past I keep it simple.. and I do not beat myself up. I did not know then what I have come to learn now. It would be like blaming the six year old Michelle for throwing a temper tantrum over not getting what she wanted from Santa. Six year old Michelle did not know then what ten year old Michelle learned. I cannot blame pre-Al-Anon Michelle for her short comings but I can be grateful that pre-Al-Anon Michelle was directed to Al-Anon and her whole world changed. Every single missed step, tripped over stone, stepped on crack down that path of mistakes and rejoices and bliss and pain has led me to this point. I can stay in the moment, I can be serene just where I am. I can appreciate all I have overcome. I can love myself... and in loving myself I am brought near to my higher power who i am still getting to know, one day at a time.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
You posted in another post about a coworker and how you changed your perspective and I thought that was so very very cool!!!! I'm sure the coworker might just be scratching their head wondering about the difference
I certainly felt very righteous and rageful around the ex A. Now when I meet people who push my buttons I can step aside very gracefully. I know when I am being taunted and how and when to detach. I think that gives one a great sense of acceptance.
I am so glad you have come so far in the program. I appreicate your share, wisdom and insight.
