The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband was drunk tonight. He came in while I was sitting on the couch watching TV. He then started groping me and trying to stick his tounge down my shirt. It was really getting annoying. He kept saying they were his boobies and I was being disrespectful by not giving him "what was his". i just watched the video again and I suppose I could have gotten up and left. But I didn't want to, I was on the couch first and if I left he would have just followed me. Where would I have gone? I mostly just giggled and then I got stern. I told him I loved him but he could touch my boobies tomorrow when he was sober. Finally he got mad, left, and is back at the bar.
He's not typically like this. I took a short video of the ordeal from my laptop camera. When he is sober I will show him and he will tell me he is sorry. I would really like some feedback on how i could have handled the situation but I don't want to post it on youtube for people that aren't you to see.
That sounded good how you handled it...You're powerless over him and his alcoholism and his alcoholic thoughts and feelings and perceptions. You decided how you wanted things to go for you and you stated that and followed thru on it. ummmmm you didn't get in his (alcoholic's) way for wanting to get even more screwed up and you documented the situation for when his head might be on more straight. I've worked with married couples under the conditions of addiction and for me it looks like you've done really well. Keep practicing what you've learned and continue to pass it on to others. Thanks for the share.
I learned another thing in recovery that when my wife was acting the alcoholic/addict I addressed her as such...not as my wife. There is a very big difference.
I just got done reading the book The Delima of an Alcoholic Marriage, it's a great short read. What you have described fits for what it has to say. I would recommend it for a read though there are lots of good ideas regarding dealing with the A's when they are drunk as well as dealing with them when they are sober.
I agree, .. your body, your right to say no.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
This may be off the point of the thread but - I've decided that one of the hardline red flags I'm going to pay attention to in the future is the use of the word boobies! If a man is still in the "Beavis & Butthead" stage in life, no matter his age, I don't want anything to do with him.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Sounds like you handled things pretty well, all things considered - not an easy situation to get through...
For my two cents - "taking video of him acting drunk & obnoxious" and then 'confronting' him with it is kind of akin to "catching" them drinking, and/or going snooping for bottles and "outing" them.... I think you have to ask yourself what good can come of it.... If it's already tied to an expectation (i.e. an apology), then it is already a resentment/disappointment in waiting.....
The more we can focus on ourselves and our part - and the less we can focus on the A and their actions (where practical), the clearer our heads, and thus our outlook - tends to be...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I think your video taken is just many of the ways we try to get the Alcoholic to face what he is doing.
If I had a video all those years ago I might have done the same thing.
It may cause a number of reactions...shame...fear...and anger.
But it is unlikely to cause more than a short pause in his drinking behaviour.
As one learns through Al-Anon to allow the A to constantly get into trouble be it within family relationships, at work,financially, or legally .....it allows him to finally face consequences.
So one moves slowly to knowledge and improvements in one's own life.
