The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got a call from the police this morning saying they got a call from a neighbor of a possible alcohol overdose at our address. I'm in another state so I called his mother to ask if she would go to the house and let them in. That is when I discovered my AH was with her, who knows where, and that he was the one that called 911. I called the police back to let them know he was ok but due to a potential emergency of an overdose, they decided not to wait and went inside to find him. While searching the house, they found a pot plant in the garage!!!!!!! 'xxx'? It was hidden in a cubby of the garage with other things stacked in front of it apparantly. No idea how long it's been there or how long it takes to grow. I've been gone a month with the kids now. I guess after he called 911 he freaked out and called his mom to come get him. So, police are searching for them because he has a warrant out for his arrest for the pot plant. I've been told by my AH's sister, he detoxing somewhere but she didn't know where. She said her mom evaded the question and she wasn't sure why and I told her about the pot, so she figured out quickly that must be why. What a mess. He's already got a DWI and a later charge for kicking a female officer after they went to the house for a wellness check. His lawyer said he could still keep him out of jail but with a lot of probation however, he also said "You'd better not 'xxxx' up again or your screwed!" I think we've reached that point. I'm trying to exercise to help calm my anxiety a little. I have anxiety med's but at this point with my stress level as high as it is, I don't like taking them everyday and it's getting to that point. God grant me the strength!
-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 20th of December 2011 12:40:02 PM
Those are the prayers that will really help you right now, LostMama, at least those prayers help me in times of crisis. I prayed for strength, hope, god's will. It helped me. Your HP is always waiting to be there for you. People here are always waiting with ESH to help you cope too. ((hugs))
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
At this point this is his mess. You didn't cause it, can't control it and won't cure it. Maybe this is what he needs to get himself on his road to recovery. What he is or is not doing at this point is on him. Now would be a good time to take the focus off of him and put it back on you.
I am so sorry you are having this kind of stress in your life. I find the best way to deal with this kind of stress is to just admit I am powerless over the effects of addiction and I have to let go and let God. To hang on does more harm than good for me. I can't, He can, I'll let Him. That is a strong mantra for me and it keeps me moving in a positive direction in my own healing without allowing my stinking thinking to get the best of me.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I know. I've actually been praying a lot for God to give me guidance on whether I need to put this protective order on him. He's made threats to come here and take them from me but he usually says this while drunk. We have eye surgery for my 5-month old son next week and I didn't want him showing up by chance. Now that cops have found a pot plant in our garage, this arrest warrant will probably keep him away for a while. I just knew if I went ahead with the protective order, he might go crazy enough to try and come anyway with a "How dare you do this to me?" attitude.
I have been through many a crisis with the now ex A. I think it goes with the territory. The bigger the mess the more they try to pull you in to fix it.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also so sorry you are in the inevitable what the hell is happening stuff. That is all so normal with an alcoholic on the last stretch of their disease. Some of them do indeed use that time to get sober, some don't. You are in the right place coming here and asking for help and support.
Thank you for the update. I'm so sorry you're being put through the wringer. I know it's no consolation but at least the more paperwork and police are involved w/your ex, the more this can help you as you create your safe space. At least that was told to me by some people in the social work field, and it's been proven pretty true.
Exercise is great. A former therapist once told me to do pushups when I felt really anxious. I swear for a while I looked like Linda Hamilton from The Terminator!"
I am sorry that this is happening. Please try to remember that primarily.. these things are happening to him... he has the DWI, he has the parole stuff, he has the pot plant, he has the warrant, he kicked the female officer, he is on the run, he is detoxing etc etc.
You are taking care of your children the best way you know how. You are doing ok. You have been gone for a month. It sounds like you still have close contact with him.
Keep your focus on you and your kids. He is doing what ever it is he will do. I understand your turmoil about the order. For me, and please remember this is only me, when I was faced with a crazy man, I decided not to put the order on because that paper can't stop a bullet, however... every time I had to go near the place the lived, to get my stuff or anything, I had two police officers with me. I took different ways to protect myself. Either way, it sounds to me like you need to have protection of some sort.
so... he is doing all of that.. what are you doing?
I'm not talking to him. The cops called me this morning. I guess they have my number on file since he has had several incidents with the cops since June. When they called me and told me they received a 911 call and needed to get in the house to check on him, I called his mom because she has a key to our house. Him, I am not talking to at this point because of his anger and hostility toward me. That's one reason his family is so pissed at me....
I know. I've actually been praying a lot for God to give me guidance on whether I need to put this protective order on him. He's made threats to come here and take them from me but he usually says this while drunk. We have eye surgery for my 5-month old son next week and I didn't want him showing up by chance. Now that cops have found a pot plant in our garage, this arrest warrant will probably keep him away for a while. I just knew if I went ahead with the protective order, he might go crazy enough to try and come anyway with a "How dare you do this to me?" attitude.
I was in a fortunate position with my ex as he threatened a LOT of different things. Thankfully only acted out once that was what got him into jail. He threatened a LOT of different things. I called his bluff and thankfully I won the poker hand in that regard .. he was a lot of talk and no action. He was to lazy to act on his threats or maybe to high.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm glad you've found this board. I'm sorry for what you're having to go through and this news, well, it's no wonder you're having trouble with anxiety. I hope that you are safe and taking good care of yourself and your child. I saw a suggestion here about exercise and I agree that's such a great way to deal with anxiety. Something else that helps me is yoga, meditation and massage. Taking an hour for a massage sometimes can make a huge difference. Even better than anti-anxiety meds!
Hang in there! I like what tired of trying said about how a crisis can turn into a true blessing. I think there are good things ahead for you. Best wishes ~ Doozy
