The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've lost so many people that I cared for in the past year it seems....my best grade school pal, my uncle, then a month ago my mom who was my mom, my dad and my best friend. There isn't five minutes that pass that I don't think about her. Everyone keeps saying it'll get easier with time, and every day gets harder and harder. As the holiday approaches I cling to the same HP that I am soooo angry at right now. Then I find out my best friend, my sponsee, was also diagnosed with cancer last week!!!! I am sooooo beat down, so empty, so angry and so confused....Why would HP take everyone that means so much to me?
I start counseling tomorrow....Im praying they can help me find my way back....I miss my mom so much, she is everywhere I turn...inside, outside, her house, my house, the mail, the phone, pictures.
My reason for coming here tonight? My best friend goes in tomorrow for a biopsy...she has a mass on her liver....I've been praying and praying but I think God is mad a me for some reason, why else take the people that made my life complete? So Im asking that you put her on your prayer list. I cant imagine life without her in it and Im feeling like I'm loosing my mind from all of this....if only mom were here, she'd know what to do or say, how to help make it better, less painful....I need her back, I pray for that too.
I know Im rambling....so tired, so weary and so sad....please just keep my friend in your prayers...She is an amazing lady, full of faith and trust and doesnt deserve this.
thank you...
shellyj
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
(((shelly))) I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. I understand the terrible grief of losing your mother. My Mom died over ten years ago and I still miss her every day. I don't think the grief ever goes away (at least for me) but it does get a little easier with time. It's been a tough year for me too. Three close friends died and another recently diagnosed with cancer. I also felt angry with my HP. Why would he take such good, caring people who were such an important part of so many lives? I still don't have an answer for that. But eventually I realized that there are things beyond my understanding. And that HP always has a reason even if I don't understand what that reason is. I'm glad to hear you will be getting counseling, I hope it will be some help and comfort to you. I will keep you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers. Shelly, I know this is a tough time for you, but please remember to take care of yourself.
I'm not trying to sound flip about things, however trust me when I say that the God of my understanding has many things on His plate to say Shelly I'm going to take time out to make sure you loose everyone you care about. (I've had similar conversations with myself about things and give myself a good whoop in the butt when needed).
I'm sooooooo sorry for the deep grief and anxiety you are currently feeling and I will put your friend and you in our prayer circle. Life is not easy at times. The losses we have through life are devestating. Be gentle with yourself, please know .. HP is never out to get someone, I don't believe that's what the God of my understanding truly wants for me or has time to focus on with other people in my life as well. I'm so glad you are getting yourself counseling and are trying to find healthy ways to deal with the pain.
Pain is a great motivator of change. While your mom may not be with you physically, I really do believe people who leave us we carry with us always. They have become my angles who are always with me. It doesn't stop me from wishing from time to time that they were with me physically to hug. Life is bigger than just me. Giving it to the God of my understanding to help me see the bigger picture, the bigger plan, and I know I can get mad at the God of my understanding as well. He understands my limited sight.
You aren't alone though ever, and through your counseling, meetings and the people around you HP is always with you.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so sorry for your loss and know how difficult it is to accept the finality of it all. Be very gentle with yourself, try to rest, accepting Life on Life's term takes time.
Try to take care of yourself, Live One Day at a Time, Rest and know HP will restore you to serenity and peace.
In my thoughts and prayers.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 19th of December 2011 07:52:14 AM
I am so sorry you are dealing with such painful and difficult feelings right now. When I read and hear about so many mother/daughter relationships gone wrong, I can't help but feel that though it is so painful to feel what you are feeling, how beautiful it is that you and your mom loved each other so much. What a success, despite the pain and the loss. I am thinking about you and sending you support as you work through this. hugs
((((Shellyj))))...it isn't about you Sis...It's about the first admission coming into the steps. "Admitted we were powerless..." I've blamed my HP in the past including using all the "french" and screaming I could muster at that time and what my HP returned to me was the opportunity to hold peace instead of resentments. Life isn't about pissing me off though I thought at one time that it was. Life just is and what makes it easier to live is acceptance. "Acceptance is the solution to all my problems"...Dr.Paul for page 449 of the 3rd Edition of the BB. I was given that by an Al-Anon member decades ago and it helped to save my mind. Its yours...work on it. (((((hugs)))))
I dont believe in a punishing God , loosing people we love is always hard and we always look for answers to the question WHY ? When I am faced with those things I try and get out old photo albums and do a trip down memory lane , remembering the good times and usually end up grateful that they were in my life . Grieving takes time feel it and heal . Am thinking of you today . A dear friend who died suddenly always told me that nothing happens in Gods world by mistake , that was difficult for me and occasionally still is but I choose to believe her Louise
-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 19th of December 2011 10:26:44 PM
