for a lovely weekend.

This weekend was a bit of a test for myself.  I went out on Sunday and left my husband at home.  Doesn't sound like much does it.  With my massive control issues, it was a biggie for me.

Everytime I have left him alone he has been stoned or done things that he knows I dislike.  Only recently (a couple of months ago as some of you may remember) was the first time I went out alone leaving him to his own devices.  You may remember I came home to the 'smell' in the house.  I went out another time and something else happened.

Saturday my husband participated in his professional sport and he won, which means he makes more money which is always nice.  This had several good parts to it.  Saturday night we had a quiet one at home.

Sunday was the day I was going out.  He had no plans.  He drove me and my friends to the restaurant I was going to and said he would pick us up.  On our way out he suggested he may go to 'town' which means his shop that he buys the herbal stuff from.  He said he wasn't sure but he would like soemthing for tonight.  I just said, well remember we have (my friend) staying over.  He just said he will see how it goes.

Most of the day I spent 'handing it over', deep breathing, calming myself down and putting a 'bubble of protection' around me.  Saying to myself, this is the separateness that makes us a couple as opposed to one being.

It worked.  He picked us up, he wasn't stoned. He wasn't drunk.  He hadn't gone to the shop.

Here is the next good thing.  I didn't go to his pot drawer and check up on him.  I just trusted what he told me.

I feel like I have exhaled after holding my breath.

My husband told me he hasn't smoked for two weeks.  I just said "oh ok" and nodded my head.  Moved on wtih the conversation.  Every day I assume he has smoked and go on accordingly.  If he has he has, if he hasn't he hasn't. 

Phew.  Thankyou universe. I really enjoyed my weekend