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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Sicker Than I Thought
Post Info TOPIC: Sicker Than I Thought
debbiems


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Sicker Than I Thought
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So I am sicker than I thought. Now that I know I can not control my 22 yrs old AS. I am trying to control the way my husband deals with him. What in the heck is my problem. I never thought I was a control freak, wow I am alot sicker than I thought I was. So I am trying to take a good look at myself and see where this comes from. I was married for 12 yrs to my ex (my kids dad) who was and I guess is an active Alcoholic. When the kids were little I divorced their dad. I was young and could not deal with all the craziness, talk about a control freak I couldn't even go to the grocery store alone,  wear makeup "because that was asking for it" etc..... I looked to for a way out and took it. I figured at the time he was doing the same to me so I did exactly what he was accusing me of for so many years...Which is a horrible mistake two wrongs do not make a right and so there has been many years of living with guilt. I know I was right in getting out, but the way I went about it was so wrong. From that moment on I think I had to show myself and everyone else that I did the right thing and I was going to prove it come hell or high water. Took control of my life, my kids and everything else around. Picked up moved to another State. My family said how "stronge " I was . I think now, no thats when it all started, then my youngest son started acting out and I covered for him so many times. Knowing now that just prolonged all of this. I met a wonderful man who treats my sons as his and now I am trying to control how he interacts with them....... Not happy with myself at all.



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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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I don't know your situation but my experience is a step parents job is to support the biological parent. Not to discipline on their own.

Kids do not ask for a step parent,nor get to pick them. Its better for them to learn to accept them as a friend who supports their parent.

The number one cause for divorce after the first marriage is the kids.

People really can be hurt wondering why didn't the absent parent love them?

They may without us knowing it blame themselves.

Maybe it is more not you controlling but your need to have him support you not make it up on his own. I know I would have resented a step person trying to discipline me.

anyway please do not be hard on yourself! Love you!! You sure are doing your best. This is a very hard time. Looking at empty nest syndrome is awful.

I am going thru it again as my son has fallen in love for the first time and she is a lady. Its real. I am happy for him and her, but miss him terribly...ugh.

Hugs, one day at a time. Praying for you!

debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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orchidlover


~*Service Worker*~

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I was once married to someone controlling too. He was absolutely unbearable to be with.  Of course he was so out of control himself that he had to project it all over someone else.

I am so glad you are willing to look at this issue.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
pineapple


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(((debbiems))) ¨..two wrongs do not make a right and so there has been many years of living with guilt.¨ Please quit feeling guilty, it does you (or anyone else) no good. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You now have awareness and that is the first step in making changes. Try to focus on you, the one person you can control. Please keep coming back. It took a long time to get to the place where you are now. It will take awhile to get back to that place where you ARE happy with yourself again. It can happen!

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debbiems


Veteran Member

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Posts: 47
Date:
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Thank you all for your thoughts! I do go to f2f meetings, right now 3 times a week, I am starting to read everything I can get my hands on. Funny that I have been struggling for years and yet I am now the last 2 weeks I have just started reaching out for help!
I pray everyone has a wonderful day! I am going too

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Pushka


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Hugs Debbie,

I'm so glad you are reaching out!! Have a wonderful day!!

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Michelle814


~*Service Worker*~

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Perhaps you should look in a mirror, tell yourself you forgive you, tell yourself you are wonderful and that you have done the best you could with what you had... perhaps you should tell yourself you love you and that you're beautiful. I don't know you but I feel all those things for you because my HP has blessed me with love and compassion for others. If you feel alright with you, debbiems, you're whole world will start to shift. Living in the present has been the most healthy change I have made in my life. I thank HP every day for Al-Anon because it taught me that the past is over and the future is undetermined.. but I have this moment and I have me.

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
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