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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> update.....
Post Info TOPIC: update.....
kris10


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update.....
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Had to send the man I love to jail this morning hardest thing I've EVER had to do.... So yesterday after the cops told him to leave he ended up coming back around 8 at night... I had my little brother here so he only grabed some clothes and left... He then went to his mothers home, cusing her out looking threw his things for some keys.. (for her house that he is not welcome in) She ended up calling the cops but he took off before she got off the phone with them so they didn't come... He then came to my home AGAIN saying he needed these keys... I wouldn't let him in but talked to him threw the door... I don't have these keys and I tried to explain to him that if he were to go back to his mothers home he would end up in jail anyways... He told me he had no where to go and no friends and he was just going to get these keys and go sleep on the floor at her house... He didn't care if he ended up in jail and he would take that chance because he just had nowhere to go... He would not even try to call any friends so this was him trying to manipulate me to get me to let him stay... He wasn't in his mind so I wasn't comfortable letting him in... AS MUCH AS I WANTED TO.... I'm not physically scared of him but I was not letting him in because my son and I did not need to be around that...  So, he sat outside my house for an hour in the cold and I told him I had to call the cops then because I didn't have these keys and he was not going to leave... He agreed and waited outside to talk to the police... They told him he had to leave and I did tell them he was talking about jumping off a bridge. (again manipulating me to let him in) he told me he didn't have any friends and his mom didn't care and noone cared and he had nowhere to go so he might as well jump off a bridge... The cops talked to him about this but he is an adult and didn't want to go to the hospital so they told him to leave and to only come back to get the rest of his things in the day time and that's it....SOOO... 7 am (he knows when I wake up) I get a knocking on my window... It's him.. I'm in full panic mode... He is telling me he thinks he is getting hypothermia and he cant even sleep because he is soo cold... Did he sleep outside all night?? I don't know... He asks to come in for a few hours to warm up... Of course I start bawling my eyes out and want to bring him in and hug him and warm him up.... But he is still not in his right mind and I am not letting him in the house.... I say I love you and I want to let you in but you are scaring me... I shut the door and go call the cops.... I'm shaking and ready to vomit... They come and I hear him telling them that I told him his mom is on his way to pick him up with the rest of his things.... They know this isn't true... I watch the man I love to death get hand cuffed and took away..... They tell me if this keeps up I will have to get an ofp.... I bawl my eyes out.....Call his mother and let her know what happen....

Hardest thing I've ever had to do..... Worst day ever.... BUT I did it in love even though I don't think he will see that right now... I feel horrible... I know I did the right thing but I keep thinking the what ifs.... But HE has choices too and he chose to do what he has been doing.... I had to take care of myself and my son and in the worst way I'm still taking care of him... Im at a little peice ring now knowing that he is safe and has a warm place to sleep.... Because of course it would start snowing lastnight while I knew my bf was probably out on the streets....ugh... Right now I'm going to get some rest.......



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Kristen

pinkchip


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Good job. Not sure what's left to love of him at the moment but I empathize. He has no friends because of his own choices. He has to learn to grow up, make adult friends...stop manipulating people. You made the right decisions because otherwise, he would jsut stay sick.

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danni


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I am amazed and inspired by your strength and resolve. I am sending you so much support today. I cannot express enough how much I admire your courage. Now hug your son and know you are teaching him more than you can imagine. xo

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Pushka


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Hugs Kristen,

So sorry you are going through all this right now it will get better and you did what you needed to do in your own best interests.

Hugs p :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jackie11


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You loved him enough to let him go. You loved him enough to be strong. This kind of pain is searing. Be gentle with you. You have come so far. Remember how you said when in doubt write it out, keep doing that. I also encourage you to go back and read your posts from when you first came here.

Hugs, sending you strength and encouragement. May you hear and see just what you need to hear and see in order to move forward, one minute, one 1/2 hour, one hour, one day at a time.



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Debilyn


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Wow I am so impressed with your strength and conviction. You KNOW you are doing the right thing for you all!!!

I really really am so proud of you. Maybe he will learn drugs, are NOT worth living in the cold!

There are shelters all over. There are places to get free blankets, coats, boots, sleeping bags etc.

He has to want to survive enough to do it for himself.  This is him learning there are consequences for doing dope.

I KNOW it is not easy for you. I am amazed by you. I tell you girl when you set your mind to something you are unstoppable! I hope you stay here always and share your journey!! One day at a time.

You are showing how much you love your son. He sees what you are doing. That is such a strong lesson for him. He no matter what will know mom has his back. Believe me raising a boy we have to face some scarey things sometimes. Bad cops, bad boys shooting darts at them...ugh.

Your A will be ok. Maybe if he is a heroin user, he will get on the methadone program and get into recovery. I hope so!!!

hugs to his mom too! She is amazing too! lots of love to you,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Mattie


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These are the consequences of all his choices.  For the first time he is really feeling them instead of passing them on to other people.  I devoutly hope he decides that recovery does not look so awful after all.  But good for you for protecting yourself and him from dysfunction.  Letting him see what his choices have produced is a kindness, even though he keeps saying (in effect) "Hide the consequences from me!"



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canadianguy


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Tough stuff Kris, and you've received some great feedback... I particularly like what Mattie said - these are indeed the consequences of his choices...

 

 

 

He says: "blah, blah, blah"

He wants: YOU to save him, give him a soft landing, etc....

THE solution is: For him to get sober

 

 

 

Take care

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Michelle814


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proud of you, kris. do something nice for yourself and your son. you deserve it.

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
kris10


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He's out already today.... Hopefully his and my HP will help us tonight..... trying to stay calm.. Thanks everyone for all the support...

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Kristen

Lindaoakford


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I know that feeling.... the sick and crying and fumbling and stuff

You are amazing.

On behalf of your son who may not know the words... thanks mum!!!!


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Linda - a work in progress
orchidlover


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what a tremendous imposition.  I helped the ex A out for a long long time after I left him, paid for his housing, food, clothes, all kinds of stuff.  He kept on using and using and using. 

I got to a place of cutting him off and suddenly I was the wicked horrible witch in his life the one who had caused him to be homeless in the first place.  I was ready for it then.  He couldn't do the banging on the door stuff because I did indeed have a restraining order in the works.  I don't doubt he would have and could have if I wasn't willing to put that in place.  Right now I do not engage with him in any way.  He tried the calling a few months ago I would not even say hallo.

I did not get to any of that overnight.  I raged, grieved, worried about him for a long long time. For the longest time I felt absolutely responsible for him and feared for his life in so many ways.  Needless to say he certainly survived quite well without me.  I don't doubt he still blames me and feels I owe him.  Now I don't feel that way and that's the crutch of the issue getting to feel like I'm not the person who has to save him from himself.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
kris10


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Wow..... Yup and WHY do we feel respinsible for another adults lives??? Geez just thinking that is an aha moment for me right there.... Doesnt take the pain away but still...

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Kristen

Doozy


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Hi kristen, so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sending you support and hope for the future. I hope you will keep reaching out to your family and friends to get through this. I am impressed with how you are protecting your son. Wishing you well in this tough time!

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youfoundme


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Kristen, you know I support all you have done, and your decisions and great job taking care of you and your sweet son! HUGS

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
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