The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone, I posted several days ago about a major melt down I had concerning my grandson and told you I would be back to share my story...Well here goes.
My 19 year old grandson lives with me and has a big problem with drinking one night he had been drinking and was out of control and I wouldn't let him leave he was not going to drive period things kinda went from bad to worse and I ended up having a grand old hissy fit my husband and one of my grandsons friends kept him from leaving, I felt so bad about the way I acted I have been in alanon and I really know better. I was looking for something I had no idea what, a few days later it came to me go back to miracles in progress so I did I have been lurking here reading and listening and learning.
I was still obsessing about grandson couldn't eat couldn't sleep basically couldn't funtion at all. He was gone said he didn't want to live here anymore so I was sitting here imagining everything that could happen and making it ten times worse. One night when I was doing this I had a full blown panic attack it was scarey. I was praying constantley asking hp to show me what I need to do and please give me peace. After the panic attack it came to me I can sit here and worry and imagine all sorts of horriable things or I can go to bed and read a good book the outcome will be the same. I have no control over what happens. Things have been calmer since then. Grandson has called he is doing ok.
I'm a fixer always have been give me anything broken or messed up and I'll do my level best to fix it, that is a huge issue for me I can't fix everything.
I only hope I can get back in the program and live my life.
You know I think its pretty normal to be anxious when someone is out there destroying themselves and behaving destructively. Who wouldn't be concerned. To get to the point of being able to detach is very difficult in the middle of chaos, confusion and the inevitable crisis. Its like lifting a 300 lb weight without scratch. That's why I think it is so important to be daily lifting the 5 lb weights metaphorically, learning to let go, to not obess to not catastrophize.
I also think no matter how resilient, skilled and proficient you are in a program having a person/relative around who is acting in this manner is really upsetting. There is really nothing wrong with being upset and traumatized it is how far we let ourselves go in that reaction. I know I went full hog when I lived around the ex A, every day was a catasrophe. When I got to the point of confronting him " Every single b...eep day..." that was huge for me. I really got it through that I didn't have it to stop everything for his latest. I also got ironically to some point of detaching.
I've been over responsible for everyone all day every day. I want everyone to like me. Of course I had to fix everything as a child because our lives were total abject catastrophe day in day out. I wanted some of my needs met and in order to get them I had to fix things. That was perfectly normal for a child with few skills to do.
I am so glad you are here and taking care of yourself.
I completely concur with the above statements about it being hard to watch someone just out and out go out of their way to implode themselves especially when it means that they are so close to us. None of us want that for our loved ones. It's hard to watch our dreams for loved ones go up in flames.
Nothing changes, .. nothing changes I find myself saying that a LOT!! LOL!!
Hugs and welcome back,
P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Well you did the right thing by coming here to keep your sanity. I owe my sanity to my HP and Al-Anon, plain and simple. If i dealt with my every day issues on my own I'd be a goner. Haha.
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Glad you returned and shared. Alanon and MIP did help to restore me to sanity.
I agree living with this disease in a child is horrible. Sharing, using the tools, meetings, living one day at a time focused on yourself ,will enable you to find some peace,sleep and still care for your loved one
