The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He wasnt wanting to leave but he wa being very rude.. Name calling, blaming, and even telling my son that santa wasnt real... The cops got called.. Not by me. The made him leave. His mother came and got most of his things. Him and her are coming to get the rest soon.. She told me to set them outside.. Things are too heavy for her and i to walk up 2 flights of stairs to the parking lot...
So why do I feel sooo sad an just want everything to just be back to normal and everything good with him here???? My god im just broken...
You have taken a big, no, make that HUGE step. It will hurt for a while but you will heal and blossom the way you want to and should. You have given this a lot of thought and made a decision that you feel is right for you. That's what it's about - you.
The hurt will slowly fill with the joy and growth you will experience.
Give yourself some time and be gentle with you. You aren't broken, you hurt and of course you do. No one gets into a relationship going woo hooo let's break up! Or .. you be the addict and let me fix you each time you fall down, let's just repeat the cycle until it drives me to insane behavior! YIPPEEEE!! I truly don't think any of us got here with that on our minds consciously.
Once you have some time to really just be in the serenity of the no drama zone, I think you will find whatever answers you are looking for that have to do with your own healing. Let's face it, ... the past few days nothing has been "normal" at your house. It's been 911 waiting to happen and thankfully nothing major DID happen. He got some egg on his face because he's not being a grownup. I don't think I read he ever paid you the money he owed you, he's stealing from your kid, he's now mooching more. So please don't be hard on yourself. Someone said yes an addict has a disease however they are still responsible for their actions and the consequences of those actions. Let him just own his part in this situation and you keep your side of the street clean.
It's probably a blessing in disguise that the cops were called because at least nothing turned extraordinarily ugly and he just left on his own (with a little help granted) there was nothing thrown nothing broken.
Both you and your son need some time in a peaceful home.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hugs!!!! For the cub in regards to the no Santa statement I recommend Miracle on 34th St, I LOVE that movie and it's proven in court that Santa is real!!!
My son just told me " well he kis going to be on the naughty list this year".... Lol oh my little sweetheart!! I explained to him that our A is sick in his mind... And that all these things he heard were not ok but that our A is sick.. I dont think its apropriate to tell a 6 year old about the drugs... My son did say to him (that broke my heart) he said "i was going to buy you a christmas present with that." of course nothing was said to that so I asked A how that makes him feel an he just said it wasnt him that took the money.... That had to hurt..... And im kinda glad that he felt somthing out of that... He should..
So for now im trying to stay busy.... Not looking forward to staying the night "alone." this is where my anxiety sits in and all the sadness that my house is a little emptier... Change is extra hard for someone with panic disorder (me).... I will be praying...
I dont know where he is going to stay... He does not even own one peice if furnature.. Not even a bed... I just hope his mother sticks strong and really doesnt let him back there like she said... That just keeps him sick... But that is not up to me... I have to TRY to not obsess and think about what I need...
No... you are normal. Of course you want everything to be good with him there...... of course you do.. that is sooo natural. Don't beat yourself up about that. NO matter what the relationship or the breakup.. .this is a very hard and sad time...
The unfortunate thing is.. he is not able to make 'everything good'. When he is there, it is not good. We all want love and affection and romance and smiles and cuddles and help and support. You can get that. Now you have time to heal, and repair and find what you are looking for. Can't go to the hardware store for a loaf of bread.
You will be ok.
As far as the santa statement goes... you are gonna have a great time on Xmas Eve with the flour footprints and the little bells outside his door/window so he knows that for him, Santa is real this year, and that man that stole his money was wrong.
If you believe in the one universal energy, draw on that today/tonight, cos we are all adding our strength to it for ya, especially me!!!!!
The ex A eventually started stealing everything...from his friends, former employers the works. He could always justify it.
I know it is devastating to have everything fall apart. I do hope you have a copy of Getting them Sober. Alcoholics are notoriously hard to get rid of. As long as you have his stuff you are vulnerable.
Yes his mother came and got some stuff and they were suppose to come get the rest... He ditched out on her so some of his stuff is still here.. He did this on purpose because before the cops came he kept telling me he was goin to stay here until he found his own place and i wa going to have to deal with it... So i anticipate him knocking on the door tonight.. I am having my little brother stay the night... And when i say little i only mean younger... Hes 20 but towers over me now..... Just to give me piece of mind so i can get some sleep.... Thank god for brothers!!
The real kicker here is that my sons father was the one who called the cops because i text him what was going on.... He us no better for me but we are friends for my sons sake.... Just weird that he wa the one who called to help us when many of times i should have called the cops in him (in the past)
Wow did i call it or did i call it.. He just came back... Said threw the door that he wanted to get some things.... I KNOW that it would have been another fight and him not leaving if my brother wasnt here... He sure looked shocked and didnt know what to do when he saw i had him here with me... He kind of just stood there.. Got a bag for enough close for one day... So tomorrow i will be getting rid of the rest of his things that are here... He asked for a couple smokes... I gave him a whole pack ( i could have said no) but i gave it to him and said i didnt want it to be this way but he was getting mean and scaring me... He said thanks and walked out the door saying "well it couldnt get any worse now i have to find a street to sleep on" ( manipulation) he said have a good night .... I said you too and let him leave and locked the door... Feewwww..... Pretty damn proud of myself for that one!!!!! I kept calm and just said "ok" when i knew he was lying to me... Didnt make a big deal and kept myself pleasant... Because I am a nice person and he knows that... He knows HE MESSED UP.... Not to say i wont get the blame again and again... But for right now I have as much serinity as anyone could have in this situation.... Now for some sleep...zzzzzzz ( as i dont think he will come back with my brother here) either way, door is locked..
I'm sooo glad you had your brother there with you and that you had your plan laid out. Great way to keep your side the street clean!!!! Get some good sleep!!!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Wow, you are awesome! I'm imagining you wearing a Santa hat [ based on your pic here ] and telling your son, " Santa IS real " :)
Good on you for staying strong, and I can tell you from recent experience that having witnesses and cops involved is a reallllllly good thing in case your ex acts up down the line. You're in the midst of the drama now, things will slowly start to wind down from here.
Great idea to get ALL of his stuff out asap. Mine kept trying to use that as an excuse, and he was asking for things right down to dog tennis balls. Moving the stuff is a real pain but it feels good to clear the space, plus it's an almost mindless task when one's mind is reeling.
Nothing more to add that hasn't already been said...I'm patting you on the back! You'll get through this!
