The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have still been attending weekly alanon meetings. I love my Monday home group! I am finding that I truly need to shop around to find the meetings that work for/speak to me. Unfortunately last week I was only able to attend one meeting - but it was kind of nice to miss it, and know how much I value alanon meetings in my life!
My AH over the last two months has continued to nix his AA meetings (recap: he went inpatient last June). I pray, for me. I pray for God to help me work on myself, to help me heal the pain and wounds I suffer in my marriage, and to help me be the best ME I can be for myself, my daughter, and my family. I am learning to TRUST in the path I am on (guided by God), and to trust that I will know, someday, whether or not I need to leave the situation I am in.
In recent weeks my AH (in a marriage counseling appmt) issued a veiled suicide threat. I had suggested that IF we cannot get it together to work toward a healthy partnership in marriage, then we need to be partners as parents for our daughter (and be unmarried). He threatened that if I leave, he won't partner with me to parent her - i.e. "I won't be around because I will kill myself." Deep breath.
He has been very subtly manipulative, and kind of erratic in healthy AND unhealthy behaviors. He will be pleasant one day (or one hour), and then trying to use that to get something from me the next. When I pick up on this, and decline, he gets angry, silent, resentful, hurtful. It's not me.
My goals: To practice Acceptance, and Boundaries. You see? If I first accept, and then define and strengthen my boundaries, I won't be accepting unacceptable behavior in the end! This was a bit of a revelation for me. My challenges lately have been that those in my life affected by this disease (i.e. my family) are very intelligent, manipulative people - they present as healthy, but underneath it all is the disease. For example, my AH can say in an appmt that I use alcoholism as an excuse and I categorize him (though I merely mentioned it as a factor in an hour of conversation) - really, he is running, sprinting from any accountability, and wants our couselor to not challenge him. I realize now that this has been my life: Subtle manipulation from my family. I need to continue to work on my reactions, and get the heck away from this.
Thank you for this program.
KL
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Part of the tools an addict will use is deflection especially where there is a situation where they may have to be held accountable. It really sounds like that's what is going on, it's all manipulation. I had just shared this recently, we aren't the only ones who control, .. while our motives maybe much more overt there are subtle ways we allow others to control us. Sometimes it's not so subtle however in the heat of the moment it's much softer than what I have used in the past. Compare it to listening to a piano or listening to someone bang on the drums. Both can be loud, however the drums drown out the piano, or in my world they do .. LOL! Anyway, all you can do is keep the focus on your issues let him spin the tail he needs to spin and keep coming back!!!
You are a great miracle in progress!! I'm so glad you posted today!!
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
