The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I find that God (my HP) has fed me enough information at the right time. Originally when I thought I wanted all of the information about last year, I wasn't ready and God sure did know better than me.
It was one of those things of I did get tired of being spoon fed, in this case ripping off the bandage would have done a lot more harm than good as the scab wasn't close to healing and it would have taken the stitches with it. At the time I was so tired of coming to accept what was going on to get hit with something else and it all felt like the world kept caving in on me. I was still much to close to what was going on.
The information is not earth shattering, it reminds me that I should not be complacent in my own recovery. It also reminds me to see the reality of what did happen, see the situation from a non-judgement, observational position vs the star of the show with all of the drama that goes with it. It is part of history now and just like bad things that have happened in history it bares not repeating that particular espisode. I don't feel the need to punish myself or other parties involved. Is it bad I still have fantasies about the truck burning?? No people involved though .. lol.
Ironically I've seen the information through out the process and I knew what it meant however I didn't "know" what it meant. Now I "know" and I know what I know, and I think that is enough at this point. Whatever else I don't know .. I'm going to let God keep that.
Thanks .. hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
"It was one of those things of I did get tired of being spoon fed, in this case ripping off the bandage would have done a lot more harm than good as the scab wasn't close to healing and it would have taken the stitches with it. At the time I was so tired of coming to accept what was going on to get hit with something else and it all felt like the world kept caving in on me. I was still much to close to what was going on. "
This morning in C2C I read about (essentially) when in doubt don't. Had I been given a magic mirror on June 11 for what the next 7 weeks would hold I would have walked away.
Where I am today is a place that I have never been before and I'm so thankful. I also have to keep working on me. "Whatever else I don't know .. I'm going to let God keep that." I'm working on this too. I always knew I was a control freak, just never understood how much so until now.
If your fantasy still involves the truck burning but no one in it isn't that different from before? :)
No people involved though .. lol.