Worst holiday season so far - Al-Anon Family Group

Sangyaa · Veteran Member

Worst holiday season so far

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Dearest Ellie, yes it is horrible. But for me living like that with no hope of it getting better was the worst.

So him being gone, in time I was soooo sooo much better. It was hell for a long time. With bouts of ok. Worked hard to heal. Things started dawning on me that I forgot. Life does not mean you have to have anyone yelling at you, blaming you, mean to you.

If you want to take a nap it is ok. If you need a pain pill you are not a druggy and it is ok. There is nothing wrong with you. The addicted addicts disease tears us apart piece by piece. Of course it gets worse, that is how the disease is.

It takes some people many times of leaving before they really push the boat away and do not go back. There are many things in life like that, trial runs. Learning what it will take to do it.

Its ok! Its worse when we give up and die, let the disease suck us dry, we get very very sick.

I can feel your great pain. Honey I am NOT sorry he and his disease are gone. Once away I could see he was no one I would want in my life. All he was, was pain. pain in the bum really.

My friend is affected by SAD too. I am so sorry you are too. It is very debilitating. She won't even let me come see her!

That is not helping you!

Most all of them break down and feel sorry for themselves. Just part of the disease,manipulation, poor poor pitiful me, pity pot bolony.

Its so hard for us to face, but I KNOW they have to feel the horridness of this disease or they will NEVER learn that it is better to be on a program of recovery than be using.

They have to get so sick of it they can work on recovery.

We steal that chance from them by staying and or by not using Al

Anon tools when we do.

I can feel your sickness. Its so apparent. PLease love yourself enough to get help. hugs,debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate and after almost 16 years I finally hit my bottom and had to leave to work on myself and not be distracted by my AH. It has been a hard, but better year since and Al-anon meetings and sponsor has made all the difference in my recovery. I have some self esteem finally and believe in myself and am learning to take good care of myself. This program has taught me boundaries and so many other great tools to deal with my codependency and other issues and the more I work the steps, the more I really see myself and it isn't all that bad. I am sending you love, courage and support on your journey!

never going back · Senior Member

Hi (((Ellie)))
Yep, I rode that same merry-go-round that you described for 33 years. When my mental, emotional, and physical health reached an all-time low, I finally said,"No more.". My bottom line is that I won't live with my AH unless he is trying to quit AND seeking support to do it (a year and a half of trying to do it on his own made me realize that wasn't working). Although I had threatened to leave many times, it wasn't until I made the commitment to myself to do it that he finally realized that I meant it, and at that point he began going to AA. We both knew that I was not just threatening to go, I was ready, my plans were made. I finally came to a point in my life where I knew that although living without him would be lonely and painful, living with him while he was drinking was worse. I hated him and myself, and I just couldn't go on living that way. Because of the tools I got from al-anon I was finally able to get my point across without screaming or crying or falling apart. And I think that's what made him realize that I would actually leave him; I was calm, rational, and NOT angry- that was a new way of behaving for me!
So, in answer to your question, yes, I'm still with him.........for today. I'm focusing on myself-eating right, exercising, getting plenty of rest, going out with friends. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I DO know that with the help of al-anon and my HP, I can get through it.
Don't know if this helps, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you today and hoping you find the answers you need.

Denise

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

i think its pretty normal to go back and forth. I set many many ultimatums for the ex A. There were lots of times when I could have left him, I had the money for a while, I had a job. The funny thing was when I did leave him I had nothing, no job, no money nothing. I think we are always looking for the right time, the right place.

Sometimes we have to make that. Slogging out of depression is really difficult. Sometimes it seems like the circumstances conspire to make it really really difficult. Sometimes it seems like impossible to go on. I no longer hang my hat on anyone I've learned humans will let me down. I have also learned that I have to make my own happiness and how I hate that!

You are in the right place reaching out for support. I can relate to feeling like it would be okay for a while and wanting to let go of al anon it is certainly a commitment to keep up. I do know I flip flop all over the place without constant support and care from others.

Maresie.

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

SANGYAA: It will probably get better for you but maybe it will get worse before it gets BETTER! I am now a firm believer in coming back to the program & MIP even if you don't think you need it--WE need you!

Remember this fact: don't give up until the miracle happens & we will save a seat for you!

Kathleen

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