The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This past weekend was horrible...my wife has bottomed out with her depression. She was basically non-functional and I was a single parent all weekend, which was somehow made harder by the fact that she was physically there, watching me struggle with our 2 kids, but completely unable to help. The kids were acting up all day, no doubt aware that something was "wrong", so my job was made even harder. By the end of the weekend I was at the end of my rope, once again raising my voice to my kids and losing my temper. Simply put, a really bad day...and a continuation of a really bad few weeks. I found myself asking God, why? Why won't you make this better? Why are you letting us continue to suffer like this?
Today, my wife had her first day at an outpatient recovery program, to deal with her depression and alcoholism. We were both filled with anxiety, and in addition I had to travel to NY for a meeting with one of the corporate big wigs at my company. The meeting was difficult yet when it was over I was filled with a great sense of calm. I spoke to my wife on the phone shortly after that and while she admitted the day was hard, she said she felt hope for the first time in weeks.
Shortly after I got home, she went up to bed, emotionally drained from the day of treatment. The kids and I played a bit and then I put them to bed...I closed my son's door and then my daughter's, and then just stood in the hallway and listened to the silence for a few moments. My wife, sleeping peacefully in our bed, just down the hall. And our 2 amazing kids, drifting off. It felt really good, and I made sure to recognize the moment and the serenity that I felt, just as strongly as I felt the frustraton and anger of the day before.
Thank You for your beautiful expression of deep acceptance, faith, wisdom and courage.
Thiis life is truly a journey and we are here to learn many lessons. The lessons I had to learn were learned with grear pain early on until I understood Not My Will but Thine I heard that in you rshare today
Aloha Use to be...."...the courage to change the things I can..." such a powerful share and I can only imagine how much support and hope it will give a newcomer in the future. I remember the mountains and valley days and going from "grrrrr to grace to gratitude" all the while feeling my HP's hands upon my shoulders softly reminding me, "This too will in time pass". With practice that becomes a constant reality.
You've done real good, especially the part of bringing it here. Thanks soooo much. (((((hugs)))))
Sending love and support, life just is sometimes thanks for your share.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Why won't you make this better? Why are you letting us continue to suffer like this?
The kids and I played a bit and then I put them to bed...I closed my son's door and then my daughter's, and then just stood in the hallway and listened to the silence for a few moments. My wife, sleeping peacefully in our bed, just down the hall. And our 2 amazing kids, drifting off. It felt really good, and I made sure to recognize the moment and the serenity that I felt, just as strongly as I felt the frustraton and anger of the day before.
May you have more days like this. I appreciate you posts. I enjoy witnessing your growth! Keep it up.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I have been reallly low in depression...and wanted to share that I bought a day light (10,000 lux or bigger is therapeutic level) for $150 on Amazon. It has made a BIG difference in lifting some of that deep dark cloud that is with me...30 min a day...at just above eye level...I have mine on my table as I write this...
whats really cool is that it is not some mood altering med that sometimes just complicates things further....
Hi ((usedtobe))) Your post reminds me of a saying I keep on my fridge:
Do not ask, when sorrow comes, "Why me?" unless you ask the same for every moment of happiness that comes your way.
Although it sounds like it's been rough, I'm glad to hear you had at least a few moments of peace- and that you recognized them when they came! Here's to many more.
Denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
