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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Just at a Loss
Post Info TOPIC: Just at a Loss
Jozie


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Just at a Loss
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Yea Know... Sometimes Life Just SUCKS...

Last Night I Went to a Meeting because I had something On my Mind I was Hoping to release... (Which happened AFTER the meeting) but instead I found myself at a loss once more... Found out that a Dear Sweet Recovery Friend is Ill, and it seems that the Doctors don't give her Much Light to hang onto...

I think that is what Ticks me Off... The Doctors That I Have come in contact with the people that I love just don't seem to have a Heart... I mean if they are going to take a job to take care of People, and family's with illness, don't you think that a Little Compassion would go a LONG way... I mean Really... Its the 2wks before Christmas, and you hear... You have Cancer, Sorry NOTHING we can do, just live your life... Just has Me Ticked!

I have seen Miricles in my Life, Many times Over... I have Seen Cancer Patients with No Hope, give themselves to their HP and Come out the Otherside and have Many Precious years of Life left in them... I Mean Really...

I Guess this is a Little to close to home for me right now, after all our family has been thru these last couple months with the Loss of my MIL, There isn't a Day that i am Not Reminded of my Love for her, everywhere I turn the memorys are there... Everytime I want to pick up the phone and ask her advise, or everytime I walk in the market and see her favorite snack, I find myself cryin like a child, I miss Her More then I ever thought possible, and yet here I am...

I really tried last night to bring Cheer & Holiday to my home, I got Lights outside, and inside, My Guys got me a Tree, because they see i'm struggling too... Then hit a Meeting and the Wind just Knocked me on my Butt again... I know that HP has a Plan, & I know that she has Her Own HP to Love & Care for her, but it Still doesn't make my heart ache any Less...

Moments before I went to my meeting last night, I get a Call from my Sister, who is just Over the Moon... and she says "I have an Early Birthday Present & Christmas Present for you!" So I say Ok... She says... "Our Old Farm Home Just Burnt to the Ground!!!!" I was Speachless & just had to hang up...

Don't get me Wrong, It hurt everytime I past the place and seen what the person that bought the place did to it, but she wants to make a Holiday of the Only Place I EVER Felt at Home and be Happy it is in Rubble... And Lets not forget that she called me From a Bar Stool... Sometimes this Disease just drives me NUTS...

I have not Drank in over a year, and I can say after last nights two knocks to the Eye, I was seriously thinkin... "Why Not Numb out... Thats how its always been done before!" But I didn't, I DIdn't jump on the "Poor Me need a Drink Wagon!" the Thoughts was there, but I resisted...

I don't want to be the Old Me, I want to be a New & Improved me, but it seems everytime I start heading in that direction and start to think I'm getting my Balance back, Along comes another Wind Storm... Some Times I just wonder... What More? Whats Next?...

I do get up every morning and Thank My HP for the blessings in my life, big & Small, yet I still find myself in this "Funk"... Still Waiting for the shoe to drop, and it seems I don't have to wait long here lately... Just not sure how many more blows this year I can stand...

I Pray for Gods Will, I Pray for Ease, Balance & Grace... I Pray that My HP leads me & my life in a direction I can be Proud of And Accepting of... I just At times like this wonder!! WHY?

Thanks for Letting Me Share... & Thanks for Being here

With Love: Jozie



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Pushka


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Hugs Jozie,

I will put you and your friend in my prayer circle.

One of my favorite movies is "The Princess Bride" where Wesley is telling his "princess" that "life is pain. Anyone who says different is selling something." That has always meant to me that life IS painful, however we make what we make out of the pain. Is there anything more painful than the birthing process (without drugs .. lol)? So through the pain comes hope, hope of birthing the positive, hope of birthing new growth, and new beginnings.

I am so sorry this has been such a difficult time for you. You have a beautiful program full of all kinds of diversity from painful to painfully blessed (that's a good thing!!), you give me hope that no matter what I can get up the next day and face whatever HP brings before me. HP will take me through the day if I truly trust that it is His will, even when I don't understand it.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
hotrod


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Dear Jozie,
 
This is a difficult time of year for many. Having endured painful loss and the excruciating missing it is second nature to dread the next painful event. Asking "What Next" in fear and trembling is familiar to me.
 
Accepting Life on Life;s Terms was a very hard concept for me to incorporate into my soul. When I had been given that Blessing, I realized that Yes the other shoe will always drop. Life is painful, professionals and friends do not live up to my expectations that are OK
 
--It is up to me to live in the day in the moment with as much grace,happiness and love as possible.
 
I am sorry about your family home burning down I have a family members with strange sense of humor as well
 
Be gentle with yourself, Enjoy the tree that your guys purchased.
 
Sit with the glow of the lights and know HP has you in the Palm of His Hand.


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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GailMichelle


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~ Dear Jozie ~

I understand your sense of loss & frustration.  I'm sorry about your friend, too.

I have a few relatives in the medical profession.  They say that they see most doctors learn to be sort of robotic because they are trying to protect themselves.  Is this right?  Wrong?  I don't judge anymore.  But I can imagine how difficult their jobs are.  I've read where more medical schools are teaching future doctors to be more personable. 

Please don't let your light grow dim over this.  Let it shine.  You never know how many people you help with just a smile, an acknowledgement, a little helping hand. 

A  prayer for friend is on its way. 



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
Debilyn


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being overwhelmed is hard. Ya just want to stop your head from thinking, figuring things out, what to do, just whatever.

I think about trying some champayne then I don't, and I am not even A!We all need times to do nothing and be ok with that. I want to go to my bed, not answer phone or door. Just go to sleep. Not have the whole world on my shoulders for awhile.

When I felt that thing this morn I grabbed my broom and thought all i have to do is sweep. so I did then mopped brought wood in, made a honeymoon suite for Chance and Mazy, Skinny pigs....(c:

Jozy sometimes losing oneself in what we love can help us by bits. I forgot for awhile. Was nice. I am all the HALT stuff without the anger.

Hugs to you. I know you hurt. love,deb



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orchidlover


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I don't know what to say about your friend with cancer.  I know when I was in the hospital as a child (which as we all know is some time ago) they made a practice of not telling cancer patients they were terminal.  The relatives and the doctors would shield it from them.  And there would be this whole cloak of secrecy about what was wrong with them.  Without a doubt I'd say although it was never spoken all of them knew.  I'm not sure whether it is easier not to say or to spare everyone the news but really it is always there.  For some people knowing means that they can say goodbe to others.  I know a friend of mine with AIDS (who obviously died some time ago) was able to reconcile many many issues with others.  I have treasured knowing him for a long time and always felt that I couldn't exactly grieve that he wasn't around much longer because he did indeed bring so much to my life in a short time.  He was really so so sick during those last few months that his quality of life was very low.

I do very much understand how awful it is to deal with people who have the disease of alcholism and skewed perspectives on what is good news. I know many of them live seething in resentment and pass it on so well.  I've learned not to pick up the phone when I am vulnerable.  When I feel vulnerable I try to make time for myself rather than be open to all that is out there in the world. 

I know that Chritmas is a very very hard time for so many of us.  I am so glad you are here and reaching out to get the love and support you need.

Maresie.



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