Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> momma bear syndrom.....grrrrr
Post Info TOPIC: momma bear syndrom.....grrrrr
kris10


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 166
Date:
momma bear syndrom.....grrrrr
Permalink  

I have been doing good at not reacting lately if I do say so myself... But there is a line you just DON'T cross with a mother... Lastnight it was the usual "can I have a cigarette" I say no and he takes them anyways when I fall asleep for 2 seconds.... Not worth my breath.... I say no you can't take the car I need to go get gas and don't want to drive my son to school in the morning on E..... He waits till I go to bed for the night to take it..... Again, pissed but I bite my tongue.... But this morning you messed with the wrong momma bears cub!!!

I have one son.. He is 6 years old... For the most part it has always only been me and him up until I met my Abf a little over a year and a half ago... My son is one of my best friends!!! So this morning my son was looking in his "home made" piggy bank... He has 12 dollars saved up!!! (remember he is 6 so this is huge!) He looks in there to find NOTHING... Right before school and he is now horribly upset and ready to cry.... The kicker here is that even at 6 he knows who took his money.... He says that maybe he took it for groceries..... I don't say anything because my son is too young to know what is really happening.... I calm him down and tell him I will have the money back in there for him.... It was money he earned doing little jobs around the house and (he even says) "my tooth fairy money"..... Gosh just about brings me to tears even after the fact...... So, I get my son to school..... All is fine there because he knows I will get his money back for him.... (I will personally put it back in there, and find a new hiding spot)..... Gosh I just had to stop and think..... MY SON SHOULDN"T HAVE TO HIDE HIS MONEY IN HIS OWN HOUSE.... Anyways, I come home, flip on the light in the bedroom to my sleeping Abf and say, "What kind of person steals money from a kid??" then I answer my own quesion cuz he is not saying anything (which means he did it) I say," A 'xxxx' LOSER THATS WHO"..... And you know what??? I'm sorry this is not the "RIGHT" way to do things but I DON'T feel bad one bit... You just don't mess with a momma bears cub and not expect the claws to come out.... I'm seriously ready to throw all his crap in the river at this moment....Or maybe steal something from HIM.... I won't because I know how that turns out.... BUT I will tell him HE needs to find a way to pay my son back and tell him he is sorry......

Enough is too close to being enough.....



-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 12th of December 2011 12:39:53 PM

__________________

Kristen

Jackie11


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 609
Date:
Permalink  

Your baby cub is your baby cub, and you are right he shouldn't have to hide his money in his own house

Sometimes we have these moments, and they help provide clarity...

Hugs!!!!



__________________
likemyheart


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
Date:
Permalink  

That straw didn't break the camel's back???? what a strong back that camel has!

__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
rrib


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 256
Date:
Permalink  

kris10 wrote:And you know what??? I'm sorry this is not the "RIGHT" way to do things but I DON'T feel bad one bit...

 It is always 'right' to stand up for yourself and children. Good for you.



__________________
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

That's what I'm thinking too LMH, .. Kris I PM'd you. Hugs P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
kris10


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 166
Date:
Permalink  

Yes pushka i got your pm... My son did say this morning "he should have asked me mom".... Not sure if the camels back is broke... Right now i am too angry to do anything and horribly sick with a cold so im laying in my sons room to get some rest... I had to ask myself what I needed right at this moment and the answer was rest to get this horrible cold to go away... Right now FOR ME I dont need a huge fight.. Worst part is... Hes stole thousands of dollars from ME.. But 12 bucks from my son set me off... I hid MY car keys, no cash in the house now, and my smokes are under my pillow right next to my head.... He can figure what hes going to do with himself today.... Also put a lock in my phone.... We dont touch his stufff cuz he would have a huge tantrum... He doesnt need to touch our stuff either...

__________________

Kristen

hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Good Job Kris 

You are a Great Loving  Mom



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
GreenerGrass


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 149
Date:
Permalink  

Sounds like a deal breaker to me.

__________________
youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1221
Date:
Permalink  

Boundaries help and I hid keys, and money at one time too. Working on your self helps so very much. You go girl!

__________________

-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Many years ago kids were 6 and 7 I think. A came over to our home. I am not an arguer or fighter.

He said something about wanting to take the kids. I said they won't want to go with you as they are afraid of your drinking and drugs. He got mad, tossed MY coffee table broke things. I grabbed my babies dog and cats and ran next door.(the kids were in bed)

Got a restraining order and we did not see him for ten years. NO way was I going to put up with him ever around my kids. I didn't want them to be afraid. But my son was so scared he kept telling me he saw him parked watching him. He ran home once and barricaded himself in his room!

rrrrrr just from that one night. ONE Night. The damage the A's disease does to kids is unforgiveable. I was in NO way going to put up with it. My kids needed to know I was strong and would protect them from Everything, and Everyone I needed to.

Kids need that so badly. Talk does not matter. Once they see things, they know the truth.

Do we want our kids thinking this behavior is ok in their home? If we allow the A  around we are saying yes to this. They will not feel protected by us and they will feel whatever the crime was is ok.

This is my experience with my own kids and hundreds of others.

No one should have to hide their money, pain meds, phone etc from anyone in their "home."  We don't want our kids thinking this is how home is.

If we choose to stay with a person with this disease, there is no use getting mad. As this is what they do. Us allowing them in our homes is saying to them its ok.

I know you are doing your best, and are sick right now. Hope when your head clears things will become more apparent to you.

Hugs hugs,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 741
Date:
Permalink  

Kris I am not sure if this post was before or after the one where you said he put single on facebook.
I am really hoping this is an earlier one

I have no idea how to say this so I will just say it with the sense of love in my heart and fingers. Please.. your 6 year old understands more than you think he does. He sounds like a smart kid. Please have a look at the picture. Read what you are putting here and remove yourself from it. Think that it is a friend telling you about a neighbour and what she knows is going on in someones house. How would you react? What would you say? I think it would be something empathetic to the woman, and wishing her courage to get her kid out of that environment.

I am not suggesting you leave and never see your partner again, we all hope and wait for them to 'get it' and life will be wonderful and thats not a put down to you are anyone or me..... I would just encourage you to look at other ways to be with him if that is what you want to do. A way that offers a healthy alternative to you adn your son.

I do hope I have not said something that upset you.... as I said, I don't really know how to say it to you. I just know, that for me, as a child, and even now.... my family says I was too young to know what was going on.. and it frustrates me to no end.. if it didn't affect me.... can they tell me why I am here.... can they tell me why my bio is true..... it affected me for sure. I didn't have the words to explain it is all. For me, it was normal life... and thats the sad bit.

Many people here may relate to growing up like that.. maybe even you can I am not sure.
Take what you like and leave the rest and if I have offended, feel free to let me know so I can modify my behaviour and learn.


__________________

Linda - a work in progress
kris10


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 166
Date:
Permalink  

I am not offended....It is all the truth...

__________________

Kristen

Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

First thing first Kristen, .. take care of yourself and get well that makes everything so much easier to look at with a clear head.

Hugs P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> momma bear syndrom.....grrrrr