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Hi. I've been on here before about a year and a half ago...things with my son were not good and then started to get better. They were really on the upswing...long story so I'll just leave it at that.
He is now 19 years old. He graduated from High School (a great day)...and was really making choiced to get his life going with a good job. Things weren't perfect, but they were better and of course nothing is ever perfect anyway.
Without going into details can someone tell me if someone who drinks alcohol every night for 5 or 6 nights in a row can be moody during the day even to the point of being touchy when asked a simple question or challenged on what their plan is for a job and school? Is there mood swings and anger? My son has never been into drugs...tried pot not sure about other drugs but he's very open with me that he is NOT into them cause they affect him so badly..alcohol is his choice of drug I guess...but I am wondering how it affects a person who drinks 6 nights, sobers up in the day and goes out and drinks again. He's been moody and threw banana's across the room because of it. He hasnt' been like this for a long time...and I am not sure...there is anger because of a recent disappointment...more to this story...but looking for this question to be answered.
PS: Forgot to mention that things have recently taken a turn for the worse and my son has been out drinking with the wrong people and influences for the past 6 nights or so....they were getting much better for some time...but because of a disappointment for him...a couple in a row actually, he is losing steam and seeming to give up...thus...I suspect that is why he's ran to alcohol. Not sure if this is a bump in the road or if he's made a conscious effort to live his life in a bottle now. I pray not...I feel there is so much more for him in life..>I just hope he can find the strength to continue to persevere.
I was thinking about the term "functioning alcoholic" Maybe the term is sometimes used because there is always a degree of disfunction with excessive Alcohol use.
Brain function, after stoping alcohol use, can still be improving at a yerar sober. So maybe the question is not if, but at what rate the decline happens.
Mood swings and anger are certainly associated with alcoholism.
Visit us often and please think about working the steps. Face to face meetings and a sponsor can help you with this situation, which is certainly not your choice or fault.
Thank you, Bill, for taking the time to answer my question.
Yes..I've heard of functioning alcoholic before. It saddens me that he has chosen this alcohol as his coping mechanism. You see, he was working a good job at his cousins business for a while...then he got another job and this went good for about 3 weeks and then it started to go bad...my son stuck it out for about another 5 or so...and just couldn't deal with the guy that was abusing him to the point of tears almost. My son went into this job enthusiastic, to learn, to grow, to become very good at what he was doing...this guy found fault in my son no matter what, um, just like his dad always did to him. This guy was making comments to my son that were insinuations that he was "gay." I'm just stating what happened. My son is not gay for sure, but this was not a professional man that my son was working with and my son after a while couldn't take it. He wasn't strong enough to stand up to the guy or to even go to the boss. He kept saying that it wouldn't do any good and that he's tried to talk to the guy but he won't change and continues finding fault in all the work he does. I know my son is a good, hard worker. He puts in %110 percent and has had compliments by other guys, but worked 90% of the time with the guy that was beating the snot out of him verbally...soooooo
....since then, he told me that he would rather be without a cell phone and car than work in conditions like that. I don't blame him...but even so, my son was too insecure to really take the good strong advise I gave him and sit down to talk to the boss and maybe the guy...now, my son is turning to the bottle for feeling like a failure again.
Anyway...I did wright down the time of the next Al-Anon meeting in my area...will try to go, feel a little nervous and unsure, but know I need knowlege to understand how I could maybe help stop my son or at least cope better so I don't die of a broken heart....
My younger sister was the classic alcoholic, drank, loved it and always drank to excess. I think it took a while for her to get to drinking daily as she does now.
there are many different kinds of alcoholism. The hallmark I believe is they don't stop when things go awry in their life.
Aloha Christie and great question that needs to have the answer out in front of us on a daily basis...for me anyways so that I don't forget again. Alcohol is a mind, mood, physically and spiritually altering chemical. Follow that up with your own research...use the net and/or the library so that you know what the chemical does and does to everything it touches including the family. It is a chemical depressant and much much more.
Alcoholism is a compulsion for the mind and allergy of the body. The compulsion exists even in the presence of pain and turmoil and often because alcohol is anesthetic the drinker will drink to ease pain even when pain is because of the drinking. Alcoholism runs itself and that is partly why is is named...cunning, powerful and baffling. When the alcoholic or anyone drinks they become "less than" which is not a desirable condition even for the alcoholic and becoming less than is frustrating and maddening and then quitting drinking isn't the most usual thought/idea of the alcoholic...the problems he has stem from something else and not the drinking.
Alcoholism is progressive...the disease always gets worse; never better unless the drinking is arrested by total abstinence and sober support is participated in.
Sober doesn't often mean alcohol free although sobriety is often used within the context of being "alcohol free". I have often heard the fellowship from time to time speak of their alcoholic "dry drunking" or acting in a non-sober way while abstaining from alcohol. Even non-drinkers can be seen acting non-sober...poor mental and behavioral practices...as I use to picture it in the past. Reality gets warped and decisions and choices are made using that warped reality and the consequences are not sane like. The last word of the 2nd step is sanity which for me has to precede sobriety.
Alcoholism unless it is totally arrested (my own personal experiences...I am a double - Al-Anon/AA) runs itself. Once the alcoholic is "turned on" and starts the practice/habit of focused drinking the compulsion to drink again doesn't need an active decision. The alcoholic will drink again and again and again until they either get and stay sober or go insane and/or die. Alcoholism is a fatal disease and the chemical is not only listed as a drug and also as a poison..."intoxification comes from the word poisoning". This all is from my experiences and my education on the subject which I have been blessed to get elsewise I would have never been around to read your post.
You haven't caused is alcoholism, You cannot control his alcoholism and you cannot and willnot be able to cure his alcoholism. You can though take action of the suggestions on how to help yourself while he is deciding to do what he's doing. Like reaching out for help here and looking for solutions. All of my solutions have come from the meeting rooms of Al-Anon and the other program; the literature; the Sponsorship and membership support and of course my HP who set it all out in front of me and invited me in.
Keep coming back and sharing yourself with us. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 11th of December 2011 07:02:20 PM
I feel for your pain. I to have a child that is struggling, he is 22 now and about 6 weeks out of treatment. It seems very hard for him to leave his "friends". But he did tell me after he drank this last time, he feels very angry at himself and because I didn't fight with him, he couldn't blame me for his drinking because I didn't play his game. I am now going to Alanon meetings for myself not for him. Good Luck, keep coming back
Thank you for your answers. I really value all answers here especially because it seems logical to hear from people who have experienced it first hand. As you said you are AA and Al-Anon...so that is something I take to heart coming from someone who knows.
I appreciate the suggestions you have put out there for me. I think the hardest part is watching my son dig himself in deeper when I know that if he stops now he can prevent a huge load of future problems. He just doens't seem to get it, doesn't want to, or doesn't care.
Alcoholism is scary to me...I know horrible things can happen and my son just thinks he's invincible and that he can do it and be ok. Or does he? He's heard from me and has knowleged of what it can do, but is he "testing" it by thinking he can defeat it? Does he think he can drink all he wants and prove everyone wrong and just "quit" when he feels like it?
My dad was/is an alcoholic, but not a professed on. He admits to drinking but never thought he had a problem. He IS better now...changed. He remarried a year after he and my mother divorced and they are still together...he is a deacon in his church and well liked in the community...my dad has a changed life...still has a drink now and again, but never gets wasted and out of control (that I know of). If he did...I know his wife would NOT tolerate it and would be gone or making him leave.
My dad's dad was an alcoholic also...he died because of it...either liver or kidney issues...can't remember.
The hard part is waiting for the lightbulb to go on and I know that it could be years or never....and with some grace from God, maybe it could be tomorrow or next week.
I will be checking in here...and will look for the knowledge and experiences of others to help guide me and at least give me some sort of realization of the matter I have here. I thought my son was done with that after he graduated...he was doing well...still went out and drank, I didn't like it...but I kept thinking at least it's not every night and he's working hard...60 hours a week...and was doing well..until of course the issue with the other worker. It was really a double whammy...two in a row disappointments and i am certain he is feeling like a failure and helpless.
My hope was that my son would turn to the faith he was starting to practice to find strength...instead when the going got touch he went to drinking instead. It was/is quite devastating to me. Today I told him that the drinking will only add to his problems not make them go away. He didn't seem to want to believe that...or care.
He just has to find it in him to get the strength to pull away from the alcohol or it will just get worse for him he really doesn't need worse. He's only 19 and his life is twice as bad as what mine was at age 19...maybe even three times as bad. I just keep praying.
Do you mean you didn't fight with him when he'd continu his drinking? My son lives with me and to see him go out and LOOK for ways to be around people who drink just for the past 6 nights in a row is killing me. It's the first I've seen him be so irrisponsible out of high school. When he was in school...he made some really bad choices during the last couple years...was with a group that was all about sucking as much booze as they could for as long as they could get away with it. He really did pull himself together and was on the up-swing for sure....now it's killing me to watch him.
I still hope this is a bump in the road...MAYBE he will pull it together. But I guess I am not that naive to think that he wouldn't do this again. I just want him to find a way to cope with disappointments better...not only disappointments...but successes too. I don't want success to be a reason for him to drink a case of beer in one night just like I don't want disappointments to be a reason to drink a case of beer either. Ugh...this really stinks.
Remember the 3 C's: You didn't Cause it- You can't Control it- and You can't Cure it!
I have a brother in high school and my mother is in shoes similar to yours. I see her pain and I have sympathy for you. You are in the right place.
Face to face meetings do have a lot to offer and I'm glad you looked up times. Someone recommended for me to go to 6 meetings before I decided if it was for me or not. it took me a while to go, but I can tell you it has given me serenity I didn't know could exist.
He was home yesterday at about 4 p.m. - I thought he was going to finally stay home this night...it was Sunday so what is there to do on Sunday nights? He ate dinner here, he watched the football game with me, he was in his room playing his video game and even went to the store to get himself some more food. It was about 10:45 p.m. when I heard him leave. :( WHERE DO THEY GO??????
I heard him on the phone earlier talking to someone saying that "It's hard to find anything going on during the week days..." Well, no kidding...people are WORKING or studying for school!!!
I'm just angry right now!! He doesn't tell me...and I don't know what city or town he's in...who he's with...etc...when I hear sirens I don't know if they are him in some accident or found unconscious somewhere. It's like living in a sort of "hell."
I tried to ask him what changed since last Monday when he quit his job to make him feel that he needed to be out EVERY SINGLE night for the past 6 nights...he really didn't answer me. I tried to tell him that he has to get focused.
TODAY is the day he needed to be home to get an early start...get to the college to seek help and guidance with classes, a career choice, and financial aid..AND to fill out the mimimum wage job apps sitting on the table for 3 days now. :(
It's a wonder I'm not dead from anxiety yet.
I am considering the meetings...will be hard...but will probably do me good...if for support alone.
