I am 5 months pregnant and Fiance drinking everyday, what to do????? - Al-Anon Family Group

annonymous · Newbie

I am 5 months pregnant and Fiance drinking everyday, what to do?????

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Please find meetings for yourself you need support from people who understand . You cannot reason with a alcoholic , until he says what hes doing is causing him a problem it ISN"T its causing you a problem and our program will help. You are not the reason he drinks , nothing you do will cause him to drink or stop . Your expecting a baby try and stay focused on your own needs at this time take care of you and baby . Louise

annonymous · Newbie

Thank you Louise.. I am a very strong person and try to just ignore it and focus on my baby, but it is sometimes really hard.. But thank you for your advice

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Try to find a Face2Face meeting asap. There you will find others who know what you are going through and can give you support and hugs in person when you need it. You can also find literature to learn about alcoholism and how it affects the drinkers family.

Of course keep coming here, too. There are a bunch of really loving people here to support you as well, and meetings twice a day as well in the chat room.

Here's a big (((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))). Try to focus on you and that new baby and make plans to not have to depend on him when the big day comes. Alcoholics usually are not too good at big changes and responsibility. LOL I have gone through three pregnancies, two with an active Alcoholic/addict. The last has never seen her daddy drink/use. I would try to set up a plan for support now. If he comes through in support, that's great. If not, you have a plan already in place.

Anyway, that is my suggestion based on my own experience. You are free to take what you need and leave the rest. LOL

Love in recovery,

annonymous · Newbie

Thank you Jen, I really appreciate it. Just one thing. He says he forces himself to drink everyday, because of his stress at work. Is that where alcoholism starts?

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi anonymous,

Re: Drinking daily due to stress. I would call that an excuse. Alcoholics have a million of em. If he's drinking everyday he has gone well beyond the beginning.

Please take the time to read some of the older posts. You'll be sure to see things you relate to. You can use the "search" if you'd like to be specific.

I hope you find a meeting in your area. The sooner the better.

Christy

annonymous · Newbie

I agree with you. I will do so thank you Christy.

Bargee · Veteran Member

Hi annonymous,

I feel your pain. I am due in 7 weeks and I know how hard it is

danni · Senior Member

Hi and Welcome! I am so glad you found us here. When I first went to Al Anon meetings (face to face), I was relieved to learn I didn't need to decide if my husband was an alcoholic or not. All I needed to know, and believe me this I DID know, was that his drinking was bothering me. This took a lot of pressure of me. If your fiance's drinking is bothering you, then you have a right to and deserve understanding and support. I highly encourage both you and Bargee to get to a face to face Al Anon meeting as soon as possible. My kids are 2 and 5 (and yes, my AH still does drink sometimes), and my early times with my babies were so stressful without any support, information, and understanding regarding my husband's drinking. I am grateful, however, that I was ready and sought out help from Al Anon while my children were still little, so I can enjoy this magical time of their lives with them without having to obsess on my husband's drinking. His choice to drink or not does not have to dictate whether i can enjoy my children or my life. Keep coming back. Congratulations on your baby!

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon face to face meetings and literature. It's worked a miracle on me and if that can happen it can happen for anyone.. remember there is happiness whether the alcholic is drinking or not!!! First thing I heard in Al-Anon that made my jaw drop.

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

do you have the book Getting them Sober. I think its a great resource for being around an alcoholic.

Maresie.

BThom61 · Newbie

Sorry to hear about your Fiance. You really need to give him an ultimatum. Life will not get better until he gets help. I know this my husband has gotten worse in the last 3 yrs. We have been together for almost eight. He won't get help, and I just keep praying God will heal him. You have an unborn baby to think about. Do you want baby to see this type of life. I was strong enough to walk away the first time. My first husband was always drinking and doing drugs, he became abusive. I left him because I did not want to raise my kids this way. Now I feel stupid, because I married another man who is an alcoholic. We don't have kids together, but he has helped me raise my youngest two. They do not like the life we have now. His kids and my older kids, and grandchildren do not like to be around him anymore either. Please for your baby, get away from him. Don't live an unhappy life, and do not bring your child into this type of home. The children are the ones who suffer the most. If he won't get help, there is nothing you can do to stop him. Please think about you and your baby. God will provide what you need to survive. My way out is coming soon.

BThom61 · Newbie

No it not. He choices to drink, it's just one of many excuses they have. Along with the lies that come with it. And the blaming others for the problems they made. It's all a part of the sickness.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Annonymous,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and say that I am so glad you are here. Please know that we are encouraged to refrain from giving advice, only speak from our experience, strength and hope.

For me the best thing I could do while I was pregnant was to go to face to face alanon meetings to begin to learn and understand the tools of the program. What was so helpful was to have a place for one hour where I was teachable, willing to listen to the members who have had similar experiences as I had. When I became part of the fellowship, talked to them after the meeting I established lifelines, people whom I can call when my anxiety levels surged. The wisdom in the face to face room is amazing. I do so hope you will consider going to six or more meetings as close together as possible before making a decision as to whether or not Alanon is right for you.

I am so glad you found us here. Please keep coming back and sharing from your heart.

In support,

Tommye

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome to MIP. I hope you are able to find local Al-anon face to face meetings and in time find an sponsor that is what helped me to get back on track. I am sending you love and support!

grantmeserenity · Member

It sounds like you're in the right place! :)

My first face-to-face al-anon meeting was when I was 5 months pregnant. My fiance had relapsed after a bout of sobriety/rehab and I was a wreck. I had all sorts of guilt about being stressed while pregnant, not taking care of myself, etc. and formed resentments towards him for causing me to stress. I went through a particularly trying incident with him involving drugs and police and decided to give this program a try.

I remember walking in 30 minutes early and just sobbing, crying, not going into details but just sobbing. After just two hours, mostly of just listening, I was smiling. I actually found myself singing to the radio on the way home, which was a little startling... Of course it's not magic, it's work. But it works if you work it!

Take care of you and that little one :) It doesn't matter if your A is fulfilling your fatherhood expectations- your baby has you and you're doing a great job!

Keep coming back!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.