Hey there.  Long story, try to be short.  Son is a lifer in military.  He was divorced, and rebounded quickly.  The new girl was murdered, he was a mess.  He deployed, and resorted to a dating service online,  Met a couple of girls.  One, we liked, a Lot.  Still too soon though, needed to heal.  Next one he moved in with, was to marry.  She, was an addict (so was the one who was murdered)...this one a professional whose profession gave her access to legal addictive drugs (like the one who was murdered).  He came home, told me to get passport for his impending wedding which we had bought tixs, package for (island destination).  I did.  He left for a game, didn't come back missing family barbeque, no phone call, gone all night and shows up to shower and head to catch plane right away.  Met a girl!  Went home, broke up, moved out and didn't tell us until it was done.  Came back, brought new 10 yr his jr girl over for us to meet.  Next visit, he proposed (2 months after they met...no maybe 6 weeks).  Me, I had both my parents living with me .  I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  Had surgery, chemo, radiation, almost died.  Inconvienent with fairy tale wedding son paid half for...open bar.  Now 2 years later they are expecting....and she still does not talk to me but rarely.  "I" offend her...she has a grudge.  For?  Never a phone call or card from her or her family during my treatment (the worst of ALL cancer treatments, high suicide rate b/c of it).  Never once felt like she cared and she lived locally.  She, appears spoiled and snobbish.  Brand new car when she was 16, now brand new nursery paid for by mommy and daddy and gma.  Son spends ALL time with them, oh maybe 5 % with this family.  He vacations with them...all bigs drinkers partiers.  We, church going fam, no cusing, smoking, drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling etc...calm peaceful home.  I am mending nicely considering, thank you.  Now, I was planning a shower for them, only to finally be told her side is and no one told me until tonight.  ???  Just like when they were married, a couples shower and all kinds of people and all my fam but hubs and I invited (day before I started treatment and was not yet SICK from all of it). 

Now, son says we need to sit down and hash all of this out.  Oh, we scrape to buy their gifts for bdays etc.  Not a happy birthday, go to hell or nothing from them in two years, but her Momma gets flowers....

I don't know if I want to sit down with them when they "come home" for Christmas.  I've sent cards, messages, hope you are having a good day...she does not acknowledge me and blocks me from seeing wedding pics etc.  (My take, my sickness rained on her fairy tale parade).  We were not mentioned on invitations even.

We have been there for him thick and thin throughout his career. 

I don't know what to think.  Told him how I felt, like bottom of food chain and the only family that matters is hers.  I've never had chance to get out of the gate...my home has been open.  She IS jealous of his past gf's etc.  And NONE of them are in his life...but are still friends of ours...pleasantly, no bridges burned.  .......

Oh my.  What to do.  They live out of state, barely acknowledge us.  I don't want their "gifts",,,,only a Christmas Miracle.  How do I help and yet keep boundaries?  Safe ones for me and not compromise my integrity?