Rough Evening - Al-Anon Family Group

debbiems · Veteran Member

Rough Evening

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

HI
It is lovely to hear that your son has that relationship with you.
I used to work with the courts as a Nurse for those doing court ordered rehab. I had to write the reports and stand up and for the client in front of the magistrate.
It is so much easier when the client tells the truth. It let me know what to expect from the urine drug screens also.
I do hope he tells his PO (that is not the job I did but I did work closely with the PO's), because it is better to help someone when they know the full story.

debbiems · Veteran Member

thanks Lynda, I am not good at boundries, so I am always second guessing myself as what I am to do and not to do

debbiems · Veteran Member

So I was hoping to wait and see how he does in aftercare that he starts on Wednesday but how I feel right now is that I am going to have to call his PO. It turns out that he has taken change off of his brothers dresser, he lost something when he got out of the car. Well the something that he lost was a "bag of Weed", I am so upset I don't think I can go to bed, I just wish that he would go pass out.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sad you guys are going thru this.

When mine was 22 I had to take a breath and send him out the door.

It was the hardest thing to do.

They are young adults, we have to give them a chance to grow up and figure it out for themselves. If we rescue them, allow them to be in our homes when they are stealing from us, we are saying what are doing is ok.

Myself I would not call his p.o. He will call attention to himself.

It is hard and every situation is different. Did you sit down and discuss the rules of him living at home? Did you set up boundaries and consequences?

Did he look into going back to school? What are his interests. That can be a huge key. Thank goodness mine got into the outdoors and is a fisherman.

If you son is into something, you may want to try encouraging that. From my experience I have seen that work wonders.

they need to know what life offers. fishing, motorcycles, scuba diving, gardening, cooking, HO railroading.

Horses, fixing up an old car.....

Hugs, glad you are here. I am so glad he knew he could call you.

debilyn

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

For me, I would not call his PO. When I was new in the program I remember someone telling me to put a hula hoop on the floor and stand in the middle of it. Everything inside the hula hoop is my business and everthing outside is none of my business.

I thought you handled the situation beautifully supporting your son telling him you loved him and thanking him for trusting you for calling to pick you up. For me progress in relationships begins when I allowed the person the dignity and respect to out their own secrets to family members or others. When I would catch them or report their behavior it would widen the gap of distrust and distance the relationship between us.

There are quite a few Alanon slogans for which I hung on to throughout this process. Some of my favorites are Keep the focus on yourself, Let Go and Let God, and Expect a Miracle.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

In support,

Tommye

debbiems · Veteran Member

Thank you all for the support. My husband and I did not set up any boundries when he got out of treatment. We are going to sit down this evening and let him know the rules of the house. Which as I had mentioned setting boundries is very hard for me, but I know if I want any peace I have to, for me.

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