encouragement - Al-Anon Family Group

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

encouragement

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple,

What works for me when I feel down and cannot see the gifts my HP has before me is to write a gratitude list. I cannot say how many times I have felt like my life had become a series of chores or tasks and all I was doing was waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

The good news is that Awareness is one of the three keys to turning things around. It is part of the 3 A's in Alanon. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

The action is where I begin the writing. Acceptance is where I acknowledge what I am feeling and know that feelings aren't facts. The gratitude list helps me move through the stinkin thinking and elevate my thoughts on all the good things my HP puts in my life on a daily basis.

I have heard a saying in the face to face rooms of alanon. "It is a pity we cant forget our troubles the same way we forget our blessings." The gratitude list reverses that quote and pulls us into the present moment where we can find our HP to help us through each day.

In support,

Tommye

rosielee · Senior Member

frigs...sorry mate- i feel the EXACT same way. i thought you were sunning it on some island- i feel same way today- self esteem plummetted to the depths- giving myself an extremely hard time. i do think going to bed and pulling covers over is the vry worst thing you can do- and im sure you will not do this- i feel like it- but thing is you get to feel worse. i knw this sounds corny- but exercise really helps and can lift you out of rock bottom gloom- force yourself to go out for a walk- youll feel 100% better. also housework- though its horrid- at least its moving

those endorphins have got to get moving again- this is what im doing today...im convinced- that after a morning sat around- by 2pm my son and I both get like it and have no motivation ........so exercise is the key. i also feel sad and alone too- this is when i start hitting the forums.... i dont know how to fix it. ive decided i must make myself to join a club or group around here- even if im tired...its got to be done- i need more social life thats for sure.

rosielee · Senior Member

well done tommye.....that gratitude is so important- combine that- and some exercise...lol. forget about the feeling on yur own bit- even those with GREAT partners feel like this too sometimes im sure........ ? you think?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Pineapple

Glad that you shared this because I found sharing, listening at meetings and connecting to others who are walking this painful road helps to lift my sadness. I know you do not have meetings in your community so coming here and "talking is essential". I also prepare gratitude lists in which I include all my assets and review them during the day. Prayer, reading the Courage to Change and just living One Day at A Time is also helpful.

It is the end of the year, the season to be jolly , I always find this a difficult time. Be gentle with yourself and if you need to curl up in bed and rest-- do so.

MAKE YOURSELF A SPECIAL TREAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOU

in MY THOUGHTS.

danni · Senior Member

Sending you lots of support this morning! I find reading certain pages of The Courage to Change or One Day at a Time very helpful when I am feeling like curling up in a ball. I have two small children, so staying in bed is not usually an option, and the readings and deep breathing help direct me to a more manageable state of mind. I also ask, How important is it? So many things I feel I have to do really can wait until I have more energy. The weight of the world and this family does not need to always rest soley on my shoulders. Easy does it! Big hug.

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you everyone for the support and encouragement. I do make a list in my head every night of things I am grateful for and thank God for them. I also read every morning from Courage to Change and One Day at a Time. Now that the rainy season is over I get plenty of exercise every day. But those things aren't working for me right now. I find myself bursting into tears at the smallest thing. danni, it's true the weight of the world does not rest on my shoulders. But lately the weight of this home does. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. I've let a lot slide because I can't do it all by myself. But there are certain things that do need to be done. hotrod, I do think maybe a day spent in my hammock with a good book might do me good. But I can't have that luxury right now. Right now is coffee harvest time. So I'm picking and cleaning coffee almost every day because if it's not picked when it's ripe it will just rot and go to waste. We need the income from selling our coffee so it has to be done. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed right now. I don't know. I'm hoping this sadness will pass. I did take some comfort from part of today's reading in CTC- ¨In my mind I picture my Higher Power's hands. One by one I place my problems and worries, my joy and my gratitude into those hands, and finally, I climb in too.¨ So that's what I've done. And will keep on doing. And I'll keep coming here, this board and all you folks are an important part of my life.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I too have been feeling this way and a gratitude list is definitely in order for me! Thanks for this post and being so vulnerable in your share, it helped me today! Sending you love and support!

rosielee · Senior Member

ah- pinney. im thinking of you honey!!! cleaning those coffe husks or whatever.

dont forget to stop for a moment and enjoy a small thing...like a view.
i find that in the space of just one day...i can feel depressed...and then go to quite content again.

the more you focus on this feeling of carrying the weight of this farm- or whatever it is- on yur own- this is only going to magnify for you....

it will get bigger and bigger and then you will be what you think you are...someone who needs the help as its too much. i can tell yu- the help comes at a price...sometimes its too much of a price. i know people who have good lives off of their husbands...but they get agro that i dont.

i have met this guy- he had money...and i suddenly saw him as the saviour....when i got to know him- he was nothing but a nightmare.....and then it made me think.....im OK as I am...we would all like the help i guess. but maybe this is just a pipe dream for human nature. maybe we think we would be better with a helping hand...but it is what it is and its what we do with one day is what counts

i do get how you feel thugh...im just trying to cheer you up (and failing-lol) change does happen and will happen- its just a slow process.

i- personally am trying to be more pro-active. im not saying this is what you should be...but i have spent an awful lot of years struggling being a single mum- im wondering- was there more i could have dne to help my situation back then? instead of thinking it was because i was on my own and without a husband. and if a nice man came along it would fix it all.....and i have spent a long time in suspended living....because i think ive been waiting for the solution to come to me. the sad fact...maybe i just need to try harder to attract more solutions in my life.

im not saying this is what you should do...im just saying...i think i think i felt needier than i needed to be and i was hotwired and programed t think that a good man was the solution to al my financial problems. maybe this comes from my mum- who married somone solely and entirely t get her out of her over draft...and she spent many years with this man...for his money..who was mentally slow.

what im saying is....maybe we are hotwired and programed towards certain responses and atitudes....but im not saying that what i ahve written applies to you in any way. and im not implying that you are like me...as i dont know. its just that instead of advice giving, ive shared my personal experience...and i hope i dont put my stuff on to you- everyone is different...my solution may not be yours

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Pineapple and thanks for the honesty which got you the responses, the ESH to widen you perspective. Being honest with the "other" is important for me also because otherwise I'm living with the person I have reasonable expectatiions of. Yes my sponsor use to teach me to kill all of my expectations and then I learned to to be able to express my thoughts and feelings with my alcoholic/addict and the "others" in my life who I had partnered with for mutual benefit expectations. I recently honestly mentioned to my current wife who is a program member that sometimes the loneliest place and time in my life is when I am next to her. It took a crises to bring me to the participation as often times it has in the past being the enabler I am however "this works when you work it" is a program philosophy and if I never share it she doesn't get the full picture of what's going on with the "other" in her life.

Amazing that after I said what I said...I changed; mind, body, spirit and emotions just as I've been told it would happen for years.

You're not alone and I do understand how difficult your situation is. Spend as much time as you can in your HP's hands and pray for the courage to change the things you can.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple,

I hear you feeling lonely, overwhelmed, frustrated and sad. I have been there, too. Sometimes still feel that way even with lots of program and my spouse in recovery. One thing that works for me is to not suppress the tears when they come. It seems there are times when they are necessary for cleansing my soul and if I suppress them, they just persist longer. If you can allow them to run their course, they may let up. I remember a time when I was about 1 1/2 or 2 years into recovery when it seemed like I cried for months on end for any reason and none at all. It passed and I only have those kinds of tears in small doses anymore. I think they had just built up over many years of stuffing my feelings until I couldn't feel anything. Then when recovery opened the gate, they all came flooding out for awhile.

Anyway, that's my experience. I hope it helps.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope you're feeling better already. I wish you lived just down the road; I'd come over and help you with those coffee beans!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.