The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is amazing to me how in a matter of a day or two I went from being, in my AH's eyes, so beautiful and sensational, to now he can barely stand being around me. He hasn't said that, but he has holed himself up, put on the headphones, and won't look me in the eye. When I was the center of his universe a few days ago, the progress for me was that I just enjoyed it for the day and did not have expectations that his mood would maintain. One day at a time. I feel like he is approaching his "I gotta get out of here and drink" mode, and this time I acknowledge to myself that I am powerless over his choices and feelings. It is up to me to make myself happy and ok. If he stays fine. If he needs a break, the children and I will be ok. I'm not sure what this mood today for him is about, but it is not my business. I remind myself that I don't really know what is best for him. He is entiteld to his process and journey without my interference. Phew!
Allow me to quote from the pamphlet, A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic, "The Alcoholics weapons; The first weapon is the ability to arouse anger or provoke loss of temper. If the family member or friend becomes angry and hostile this person has been completely destroyed insofar as ability to help the alcoholic is concerned. Consiously or unconciously the alcoholic is projecting an image of self-hatred against the other person. If it is met by angry, hostile attacks it is thereby verified and the alcoholic in his or her own mind justifies the former drinking and also now has an additional excuse to drink in the future.". --sounds like you are handeling the situation properly, keep up the good work, I know its not easy!
Its Not Easy by No Means to Accept them were they are, but for Me it truly is Nice to say... 'The "A" Is NOT My Business, How they Choose to be is Not My Problem" For Me that was A Tuffie, but i have to say, this Program Truly Works if You Work it, the Tools Alone are a True Blessing to have and Alot Easy to Remember :)
Keep up the Good Work & KEEP COMING BACK... One Day at a Time Friends in Recovery
i dont know if ths is any use- but my mum is bPDand one of the symptoms is a black and white- its a hero to zero thing. one minute im a hero....like if she sees me in my work uniform (years ago) she would say how perfect i am and how proud she was of me. and the very next day- that opinon would come crashing right down- the people around my mum are constanly in or out of favour...if you do what pleases her- then you arein. if you go against herando something wrong- because yo are human- then you are out.
she is getting better at the balance now, and is beginning to realise i have my failures - i wondering if your hubby has a touch of the same problem?
I do not know the situation well, but perhaps he is actually craving? He is trying hard to get over the cravings and work through them? Perhaps he has a little bit of guilt feeling like he wants a drink, he may be looking worried as opposed to angry?
I know for me, I tend to make everything about me. If he is not looking at me for some reason, then he must be upset with me. Perhaps he is going through his own stuff and being a male, he has gone to his cave.
Maybe this is the time to love him where he is and go give him a kiss and say that you love him and leave it at that. It is obvious you are loving him by not interfering, but I nkow when I am in that mood, I forget to tell my husband sometimes.
Just my thoughts. Take what you like and leave the rest
