The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband binge drinks. he just got out of hospital after being Formed 1 from the emerge doc. that means he has to stay in the hospital for 72 hours to be mentally assest, he gets out and immediately buys a big bottle of boose, he has alot of mental and physical issues. i am end the end of my rope trying to help him, hes' not trying himself. At the moment he's in Detox, but I think the next step will be the street, i can't keep taking him back and pretending that all will be well. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I am so sorry that you are deaing with the dreadful pain for living with alcoholism. You are correct, we are powerless over others and unless the other person wants help we cannot help them'
It is important to remember we did not cause this, cannot control it and cannot cure it. because we have lived with this disease we need to seek recovery for OURSELVES. I suggest you keep coming here and also searchout face to face meetings in your community. Look in the white pages for the listing.
It is also suggested that you make no major life changes for the first 6 months in program That is because we gain more peace and clarity so that our choies become clear,
Your husband is in the right place , I pray he continues to seek help.
I have a friend that awhile back gave me the best advice i could have ever got.. At the time i wasnt ready to accept it but i knew it was true.. This friend of mine is a heroin addict and she is now 9 months sober!!! In a desparate moment to help my Abf get clean i asked her whats the best way or the one thing anyone did to helped her to get clean.. Her answer was.. "nothing". She said " everyone left me to sit in my own crap that i caused and I had to pick myself up because there was no other option." I know now that this was the best advice I had ever got... Easier said than done but we've all sure tried alot if other things to help them...
Welcome to MIP. I am so glad you found us here. I do so hope you will stick around and get to know us awhile. I am sure you will find that there are quite a few of us here who understand your problems as few others could.
For me I have found that I cant help someone who doesnt want my help for it is not welcomed nor wanted. The only thing I can do or change in this scenerio is get help for myself. It is quite painful watching someone self destruct. That is why the face to face meetings of alanon helped me tremendously. I needed the comfort, support, and tools of the program to remain strong while I watch my loved ones spiral.
The expression that God has no grandchildren comes to mind here for me. I have to remember that the God of my understanding comes to my aid when I ask for help. He has my greater good in mind for me and for my loved ones. If I can relate that idea to the alcoholics that are struggling with their disease, the best thing I can do is to take care of myself as they are go bottoms up.
Nothing changes unless something changes. The gift of the program is taking my hands off others and changing the things I can within me. In closing, the 5 G's paraphrased from our Alanon literature come to mind here. They are:
Get off of their back
Get out of the way
Get on with your life
Get to meetings
Give it to God
Keep coming back and posting. I am so glad you are here.
(((Deb))), you've gotten some great ESH (experience, strength and hope) already. Loving an alcoholic/addict is such a hard thing to do. It can make us crazy if we let it. I'm very glad you found this board. It has been a lifesaver for me. I hope you will read some of the other posts and replies on here. There is so much to be learned. Please keep coming back, you are not alone.
Welcome Deb, Often people only get motivated to change once things have gotten so bad that they have no choice, as Kris' friend suggested. Trying to bring about that change in someone else before they are ready only interferes with the process, and causes frustration for you, because it is like trying to draw blood from a stone. Hard as it is, you will feel better if you let go. Hand his problem over to him and his HP. Doing so doesn't mean you have to stop caring about him, but it frees you to take care of yourself first. Sending you support, and keep coming back.
Welcome Deb!!! You deserve peace, happiness, and health. No situation is hopeless, remember, as long as the alcoholic/addict is breathing there is hope.. That being said.. what about you??? The good news is.. there is hope for YOU!!! Here on the boards, face to face meetings, Al-Anon literature. These comments are alot to soak up right now. I suggest you keep coming back and take the ideas you hear one at a time and see what you like. You are not in this alone, for everyone on here can relate!!!
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
For some people detox is the beginning. Some people do get to a place of really low bottom but for some of them it is the impetus to recover.
For those of us who "watch" and deal with the issues it is very hard.
Focusing on ourselves at such times is very hard to do. It always feels like a crisis is imminent.
I am glad you are here. I hope you choose to stick around for a while. Keep posting, go to the chat room. Let yourself have some kind of a reprieve even if its only for half an hour.
