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My BF has been going through a very bad time for about the past 3 weeks he has drank everyday to the point that everyone can tell. he has been verbally abusive to me. I have never once raised my voice to him or accused him of anything. i just listened. He called his sister rambling on and she called me and told me that she has decided to stop talking to him unless he gets help. He started going to mental health meetings Monday. 3hours a day but he leaves there and drinks. I told him that I don't want to be around him and that I don't deserve to feel threatened in my own home. I just checked his scooter he has two bottles of boot leg and a can of beer. He lost his ID so i don't know how he is getting it. I really just want to take it and throw it out. but he doesn't know that i have a key and i don't want him to....I really don't know what to do...Mental health said that he needs to be admitted to a rehab but he wont go.......I really feel like giving up. =(
(((Hoofnit))) There have been times I thought I would explode if I didn't get things out - so I came here to vent instead. Your situation is very familiar to me. I had to learn to detach from my qualifier when he was drinking. It took awhile to ¨get it¨, but I got to the point that when he is visibly under the influence I just walk away. Sometimes I go outside, other times I go to my room and lock the door. But I will not be around him when he is in that state. As far as throwing out the alcohol, you know he will just get more if he wants it. Rehab won't do him any good if he doesn't want it and choose it for himself. My Q is drinking even more than when I first found this board but I'm a much calmer, saner person for learning how to take care of myself first. Read the other posts and replies here, there is much to learn. I know others will also share their ESH with you. Feel free to vent anytime you need to. We're good listeners here. And, NO-you do not deserve to feel threatened in your own home. If you feel you are truly in danger I hope you will take appropriate action - call the police, leave the house, whatever you need to do to protect yourself.
I checked up on the ex A all the time when I was sick with worry about him. Checking up didn't do much for me.
I would really recommend the book Getting them Sober.
Taking the focus of an alcoholic who is actively acting out is a real big task. Nevertheless some of us can do it one moment at a time sometimes.
I knew all the ins and outs of the ex A's schedule, secrecy was huge for him. He got a great deal out of that I was obsessed with him. When I started to detach he was initially relieved because I stopped questioning, following, digging. Then he was annoyed, then he was astonished. Needless to say he did a lot to pull me back in and of course I went.
This board is a great place to vent. I came here daily for a long long time and spilled out my guts and got such great feedback and questions. Those questions helped me to detach more and bring the focus back to me.
For me I have found so much from Al-Anon f2f meetings, these boards, my sponsor, supportive friends who understand, and my own personal therapy. I like recommend the book How Al-Anon Works too. You're not alone. Everyone here can relate one way or another to your situation. Al-Anon works if you work it.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
This is a great place to vent. I know I feel much better afterward. Also what I found, is that some replies I got actually challenged my thinking also.
What I was wondering with your last comment "I really feel like giving up".. what is it exactly you want to give up on?
I do hope it is not yourself you want to give up on because there is so muchmore you can do here.
Do you want to give up putting up with the abuse? Do you want to give up on checking up on him? Do you want to give up on being frustrated? Do you want to stop worrying about him? Do you want to give up on your thoughts being posessed by what it is he does on a daily basis?
If it is these things you want to give up on, while at the same time not giving up on yourself or necessarily your relationship, then coming here to vent and learn and grow is the best place you can be.
I guess i feel like giving up on this lifestyle. Always wondering where is at and how much he is drinking what kind of mood will he be in when he gets home? And now i am consistently wondering about the future with him. It seems that he just repeats his life over and over and never moves forward. will he ever be able to hold a job? will ever be able to drive and not drink? will i ever be able to trust him to go some where alone and not drink? Every time i try to walk away from him when he has been drinking he gets mad and says that all i care about is myself. I have told him several times that I walk away because i love him to much to stand there and see him like that. But that just really makes him angry. I think we just got the house up at the barn I have been renting. I will now for sure today. But Im just wondering if he will get worse once we get our own place?
