I think I have been here for ever 7 years I believe now.  I think it took a long time to get beyond the disease.  It is so insidious.  There are so many levels to it.  Right now I am back to working on people pleasing.

I no longer feel absolutely infused with anger but I am still angry periodically.  I am far less angry, sad, depressed these days.

I certainly feel like I have a long long way to go.

I do not have contact with my family of origin.  Their diseases are pretty hard to contend with.  I also know that in my dealing with alcoholics once I set boundaries they are no longer that interested in engaging.  They need people to en-mesh with.

Maresie.

I have never been to an alanon f2f meeting as there are none where I live. But through this board, and alanon literature I have learned so much that a change in me has been inevitable. Unfortunately my Q (qualifier) has continued drinking, even more than when I found this place. But thanks to the wisdom, love, and ESH of the folks here I am now able to TCOMF and that has made all the difference. Things have definitely changed since I've learned to accept, to detach, to let go and let God. I still have moments of anger, times of despair- but they are way less, and more easily managed now. Progress, not perfection.

Hi Jozie,

Great topic/question!

Have I changed?

Let's review....  on April 17, 2004, I almost literally crawled into a speaker meeting at an AA/Al-Anon conference.  I had my registration paid for by my now ex-wife who had paid my way at the suggestion of her then sponsor.

I was a broken person.  My life was full of fear and sorrow.  At this point I had been raised by an alcoholic father and had been married for 9 years to an alcoholic.  That marriage was ending and I really could not find to many reasons to live.  On several nights I actually loaded up one of my pistol's and held it to my head.  I was in so much pain and had absolutely no idea how to cope with it.  I was tired.  Tired of fighting to control someone else's drinking.  Tired of living in fear of divorce.  Tired of feeling ashamed because I could not end a marriage to a person who told me repeatedly she no longer loved me.

I went to that meeting, scared and ashamed.  I felt like a failure because I could not hold the idea of what my world was together. 

That first speaker meeting was an AA meeting.  What AA offered up to this non-alcoholic man was hope.  I heard a man tell his story, and was amazed and felt like he had been given some kind of miracle that he was alive after all he had been through.  And his life had been much more difficult than mine.  So I got hope, that I too could be given a miracle.

And at the end of the meeting we all gathered together in a circle, joined hands and said the Lord's Prayer.  I had a spiritual awakening.  When I walked out of that room, a member of Al-Anon grabbed me, told me where local Al-Anon meetings were and gave me a copy of "How Al-Anon Works" and told me to go home and read it and meet her at the next meeting on Tuesday.

So.... 7 years, 7 months and 14 days later am I different?  You bet I am.

I would be different anyway after all that time, but not necessarily any healthier if God hadn't guided me to Al-Anon.

I live my life with so little fear now it is amazing.  I have learned to leave people alone to a large extent.  I have learned to detach from the world so that I can truly contribute to and enjoy living in the world.

I am more outgoing.  I am more confident.  I am more giving.  I can actually tell people I love them, and mean it, without feeling self conscious about it.

Oh yeah, and I have a relationship with a loving, caring, funny Higher Power now. 

I feel so blessedly different and I have that Higher Power and all of you to thank for it.

Love you all,

David

I am still very much a work in progress but have made significant strides since I first joined these boards over 3 months ago and started integrating Alanon principles in my way of thinking. It is really liberating to know I don't have to try to control the uncontrollable (which never works anyway). I have also gained a lot by just sharing and hearing about the experiences others here are going through. While individual circumstances are different, there really is an amazingly common thread. It is great to have a place where I can share without being judged or told what I "should" or "have to" be doing. Just knowing I'm not alone has helped me change for the better.

Others have mentioned the anger, oh how I felt that. I was so angry that I had married someone who was an A. So angry that I was being treated the way I was.

I knew before I found Al-Anon that even if the drinking stopped there would still be issues. I realized that I needed to change me. He stopped drinking and I was angry. He started drinking again, and I was angry. I didn't want to feel that all the time.

My way of thinking is changing. How I relate to everyone in my life is changing. I am so very very thankful that I have been brought to this place and my F2F meetings!!