The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So many months ago, during a heated "discussion" about my AH's drinking, I informed him in what I felt was a calm, non-judgmental way that I was not willing to buy beer for him. To his credit, he has respected this boundary, and has never asked me to pick up a 12-pack with the groceries, etc.
Now I'm wondering how others have handled the all-too-common situation of "honey, can you grab me a beer out of the fridge?" He only ever asks if I'm actually already in the kitchen. I'm not sure how to handle this one...your experiences are much appreciated!
I made it clear I would not contribute to his habit in any way, buying, transporting or condoning. Also when he is active I refuse to take on any of his responsibilities.
I made it clear I wouldn't purchase for my AH. He drinks straight from the bottle so this hasn't come up for me.
I think if I was asked to bring the bottle I would say no but is there anything else that I can bring you to drink, water, tea, etc. That way I'm not being rude but I'm also not providing something I have made clear I don't agree with.
My AH would never have dared ask me. He knows he would get the glare of death. If he said, "Would you get me a beer from the fridge?" I would have said "What do you think my attitude towards helping you drink is going to be, all things considering?" And that would have been the end of that conversation. But I can't say I've been a mild person about these things.
For me it was essential to stop being around when the ex A drank. So that meant if he drank I didn't follow through on his invites out. One of them was on my birthday.
I certainly bought beer, wine and champagne when I was clueless then I stopped and indeed I stopped drinking too.
Maresie, I also stopped drinking. It's never been something that's important to me, and as my AH's drinking escalated it became more and more important to me to totally distance myself from alcohol and the havoc it has brought to my life. It also became more and more important to me to show my children that adults do NOT need alcohol.
