How to keep sane - Al-Anon Family Group

oldgraduate · Senior Member

How to keep sane

tired of trying · Veteran Member

Have to make it quick-but know YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!

stephaniej · Senior Member

My AH has also thrown the C word around many times, telling me I'm crazy for thinking or feeling something. I echo ToT...you are NOT crazy. For my AH, it is a way for him to deflect focus on HIS issues.

ladysoblue · Veteran Member

Hi OG, No, it doesn't sound to me at all that you are insane. Quite the opposite. By having anxiety attacks, your body is definitely letting you know that you are in turmoil. Part of you is wanting to remain close to your AH, and part of you is saying that it's scared to be hurt (physically or otherwise) again! This is very very normal. Listen to your own warning signs, for your instincts are there to protect you, even though your body doesn't always provide them in 'comfortable' ways.
Stay safe.

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I think its pretty normal to be resentful. You are not a saint. Rather than take it out on him why not get a sponsor.

I certainly changed a great deal when I got a sponsor. Ironically I lost a few sponsors along the way because I think they got tired of my ranting but it certainly helped me to set a distance from the A.

I also know that setting ultimatums with an A doesn't usually work unless you mean what you say. Of course all of us veer towards leaving and setting limits but setting effective limits is incredibly difficult around an alcoholic.

There is a saying in Al anon we don't go to the butchers to buy bread. If an alcoholic doesn't have a program they are pretty much unavailable on so many levels. Accepting that was so very difficult for me. I did a lot of testing out the premise and of course then resented that it was true.

The ex A always labelled me crazy, the problem, the issue, the person with all the issues. He could turn in one sentence from lauding me to saying I was the cause of all his ills. What I didn't pay that much attention to when I met him was that many alcoholics are irresponsible and he certainly was. I felt he had a reason to be (lol!).

Keep coming here, posting, think about getting into the program, getting a sponsor, working on yourself. Take the focus of him and his drinking and labelling you.

Maresie.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Physical abuse has NOTHING to do with being an addict. I invite you to find a womans support group for abused women. asap.

If a person has stepped over the line and physically abused you, they will kill you. It is fact.

It can happen all the easier if they are under the influence of something. No Al anon meeting will help with this. It is something we need to treat very seriously.

A person has no more right to physically abuse you than a person out in the street who makes him mad. It is a crime.

Please keep coming, but please give my invite serious thought. He has already broken the contract. What are you going to do?

We always advocate to people in your position to be prepared to get out fast. Have money, keys, emergency numbers,a place to go if you need to get out fast. Have a place outside the house to put this safe package. Keep keys in your purse and othe places too.

If you can make sure your car is ready to go. Park so you can.

hugs to you,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.