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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> One year on
Post Info TOPIC: One year on
orchidlover


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1036
Date:
One year on
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Last year I was so morose about my life. I was trapped in a dead end job with a supervisior who I can only describe as vicious.

I felt like I would never leave the house I lived in and the alcoholics and addcits were acting out day and night.

Of course since I neither drank or acted out they picked on me religously. Whatever the issue I was somehow to blame and I certainly stepped up to the plate.

Surrendering was not an option for me.  I railed, resented and raged all the time.

Money was really really tight for me.  I could not pay my bills at all.  I barely scraped by.

One year on not much has changed.  I have left the deadend job with the vicious, mean, nasty supervisor.

I have left the house which was full to the brim with addicts, alcoholics and others who spent all day enmeshed with each other.

Over time like many addcits they added more and more to the pot.  That reminded me of the ex A who at the end had people over day and night. He hated them all and put on a great great face of partying to the end.

I still have a dead end job.  I am working retail right now which of course doesn't pay the bills but I am not at the mercy of my own self hate any more.

I know none of this is for ever these days.  I know that every day I make progress.  I feel isolated and alone but even that isnt' for ever.

I can get through the holidays and make it to next year without being overloaded with fear, self loathing and rage.

Every day things get better there are just times when I don't see that they do.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
Debilyn


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I am so glad to hear you and your fur family are not there anymore! Pm me would ya and catch me up.

Hey you have survived soooo much.

hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Doozy


Senior Member

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Posts: 288
Date:
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Maresie,

I feel so happy when I read your posts. I think they help inspire me and remind me how far I've come too. I am so happy for you that you've done so much hard work and made tough decisions, but moved out of that place and are making it on your own. That living situation sounded just toxic and maybe your job was too. Now you've made changes and sounds like there's even more ahead. I like that you're also recognizing that this too will change. I'm very happy for you. :)

Doozy

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Michelle814


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I think its so inspiring how many people have spoken about how not much else has changed around them.. but they have changed and so everything has changed. I feel those changes. I used to stress and freak out over so much at work, at home, with friends.. and now I see that:

a. I have no control b. its usually not my business and c. I'm not always right.

This has brought me great serenity. Though nothing much has changed around me.. same job, same AH, same alcoholic friends, same controlling Mom. I have changed. I feel much more compassion for others. I accept people for who they are. We are all on our own journey. Thanks for sharing, Maresie!

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
stephaniej


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Michelle, I am totally putting "a. I have no control b. it's usually not my business and c. I'm not always right" in my Al Anon journal for daily reminders.  Thanks!



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orchidlover


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1036
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I have some control over self care.

I would not exactly say the job in retail is a great environment but it beats having a vicious mean supervisor who is out to get you.

I am working really hard on having a better attitude and not feeling sorry for myself.  Of course that is pretty hard on the holidays (especially with little money).

Maresie.



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orchid lover
Michelle814


~*Service Worker*~

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cool, stephaniej, i have put so many quotes from people on here in my journal, too. I made a journal!! woohoo. hahah I must be growing.

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Dear Maresie

This was truly an inspiring post.  Your hard work, dedication to recovery, your living one day at a time, sharing, letting go has resulted in such powerful . 

 Loved your uplifting message.

Thank you. 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> One year on