yes I'm still here.... - Al-Anon Family Group

kris10 · Senior Member

yes I'm still here....

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

you go girl

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sad it has come to this.

You are doing great on progress. I am glad you gave him a day, friday to pay it or he is out. We always need to be specific. See how well you are doing?!

Sending you lots of strength, debilyn

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

I've been wondering how you are, so glad you posted!!! You are doing awesome!! Are you feeling better?

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Kris,

Just keep coming back. I am so gald you posted again. It is good to see you.

Tommye

kris10 · Senior Member

I have had sooo many feelings lately... Up and down... Very drained.. Dont really have the ambition to do anything... I didnt set the day to be friday.. He just said that was the day he will get paid for this guitar thingy he had sold... But thats only 150 bucks, when he is now up to 710 that he owes me... I feel very stuck/ undecided and for lack of better words.... Pissed. I feel that he has no way of paying all this money but i feel guilty if i were to " kick him out with nowhere to go" then by the time he gets paid next month, then he owes me even more for december and then what if he does the same thing again.... The thing is... I do have the money right now that he could pay me off slowly and me or my son still wouldnt be going without anything. But its just the principal of the whole thing... I have always been smart in making sure that me and my son will be financially ok if it comes down to my A having to leave and so we can do it on our own... THAT I am thankful for... Just have to shake all this resentment that keeps adding up...

kris10 · Senior Member

Think i will check out this mornings meeting!!!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Inspiring Kris. I admire your sticking to your boundaries. The part about teaching him though....Do not expect him to learn squat until he is truly sober - This is all scrambling, irresponsible addict talk... He will continue acting crazy and childish until he has some really sobriety experience and has a dramatic shift in his psyche. Yeah...the consequences may help him get there, but most people will let a drug like heroin take them to institutions, insanity, or death.

I applaud you though for doing what is right for you and what is fair in living with another person.

Mark

kris10 · Senior Member

He is not used to having consiquences.. In the past either myself or his mother has " bailed" him our of the situations he gets himself into... I guess it all comes down to not enabling...

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

What remarkable self restraint you have.

I lived with the pleas of addicts in the last house I lived in. I found it so hard not to be diverted around it.

I also found it incredibly draining.

I am so glad you are taking care of yourself.

Maresie.

kris10 · Senior Member

No it is not easy... I feel like I'm being mean... Why should I feel like I'm being mean though?? These things are HIS responsibilities not mine.... I shouldn't have to feel bad about this...right? Like just now, started the laundry.. I only did my own and my sons this time... He didn't give me any bill money and that includes laundry money... But I feel bad for not doing any of his... Or like I'm being mean... Ha maybe that's why I'm not doing it, to be mean... I don't know but I do know that it is not my responsibility to do and pay for his laundry...right? I guess maybe the point I'm trying to get across to him is how much I do that ISN'T my job to do but I do it anyways.... I mean cmon now.. If you lived anywhere else on your own and didn't pay for rent/bills, you would be kicked out. No groceries, no heat, no electric, cable, internet, phone, laundry money... I think he's had it pretty damn good..... So why should it be any different when you are living with anyone else... If you don't pay it is NOT their responsalility to do it for you.... I could see if you are in a relationship and your partner told you they were having a hard time with money and asked you to cover some and they would pay you back BUT this is not the case when your partner just takes it upon themselves to think they can spend ALL of their money on drugs and expects you to just pay their way...... NO WAY

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

As you know I lived in a house with alcoholics/addicts. My room was right next to the washer. I put in a rule (which was already there) to have no laundry after 10:00 p.m.

Keep in mind most of the roommates did not work. They had all day to do laundry. I can't even count the number of times they tried to bend the rule. They always had an excuse.

Meantime I often did not get home till after 10:00 pm. If anyone had a great excuse to break the rule it was me. I chose not to.

Every single time I reinforced the rule I was called every name in the book.

Now they have a new rooommate with no boundaries. I can guarantee they could care less if he is bothered by the noise of the washing machine. I can guarantee they will go out of their way to do it when they please.

My experience is so many of them flaunt boundaries. there is no need to feel bad about holding them responsible.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.