Dilemma - Al-Anon Family Group

Guitar1 · Newbie

Dilemma

never going back · Senior Member

Hi Guitar1, and welcome!
So sorry for all you are going through right now. From my experience, until my AH made a commitment to quit drinking and sought help (AA in his case), I was unable to count on him for any kind of support in any given situation. Learning about alcoholism helped me to not take it personally, although it still wasn't easy to deal with.
I would encourage you to find a meeting, if you can. You don't have to worry about getting a sponsor right now. As a matter of fact, I think choosing the right sponsor is not something you should rush into. Also, read everything you can find on alcoholism and partners of A's. 'Getting Them Sober' is often recommended reading on this site. My personal bible has been 'Marriage on the Rocks' by Janet Woititz. Also, for me, this site has been a sanity saver on many occasions. The folks here 'get' me, and I have received so much support, information and encouragement from them
Know that you aren't alone. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing the best you can in a very difficult situation! Your post here shows that you realize there's a problem, and you are trying to work out the answer. That's the first step! You are trying to make life more manageable, not just for you, but for your daughter. I admire you greatly for that.

The best advice I can give is to listen to what the folks here have to say. They are a very wise group, and they know what you're going through better than anyone else can because they've been there, too.

Use what you can, and leave the rest.

And keep coming back!

Denise

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Guitar1,

Welcome to MIP. If you stick around, you will find MIP's members are very supportive.

I'm sorry for your situation. You've been given a lot to handle.

How about going to meetings again? You do not need a sponsor. I have been attending a weekly meeting since March and still haven't gotten a sponsor. But I get lots of support and can even call others if needed.

Also, have you considered obtaining support from Hospice. I checked online and found Hospice is in Canada too. Here's a link to get you started if interested: http://www.hospicedirectory.org/

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome! I am glad you came here to post at MIP. I hope you would consider attending Al-anon face to face meetings also. Sometimes going to an Alcoholic to get your needs met is like going to the hardware store for bread, it just doesn't get it done. It doesn't sound like you are weak at all dealing with all that you have going on it can't be easy. Go easy on yourself at this time and when in doubt don't make any decisions. Have you read the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, it was so very helpful to me. Keep coming back. I am sending you love and support!

nyc018 · Senior Member

Hi Guitar, welcome to MIP.

I'm so sorry about what you're going through. Like you, I thought my husband would curb his drinking once our child was born. Unfortunately that's precisely when it started to get worse (what wonderful timing, isn't it?) and it developed into full blown alcoholism by two years later.
I didn't know about Alanon two years ago and didn't know how to deal with it other than to yell at him. That only made things worse. But now that I do, I'm able to cope with this at a different level. You've gotten some very good suggestions above. I echo the suggestion of reading "Getting Them Sober." I found some instant relief from flipping through that book at some really low times.
I'm so very sorry about your father. I hope you can make it to meetings and keep coming back here. You'll find a wealth of comfort and support,
nyc

hawaiilover · Senior Member

Guitar,

Welcome to MIP! You came to the right place for your recovery. Good for you. This is a great start. You already known about face to face meetings. The greatest gift is going to meetings. Honestly, I can't make it without my meetings. Alcoholism is too much for me. Dealing with my Ah is challenging. I need to stay connected with like-minded people, who are experiencing similar circumstances and challenges. Thank God for Alanon.

As many have suggested some books. I've read them and have invaluable information for us all. Keep coming back and take one day at a time.

The program works if you work it.

Hawaii

danni · Senior Member

Welcome! I am so sorry to hear about your father, and I, too, was devestated when my husband's drinking returned after the births of our children (2 and 5). I try not to make any major decisions until I am calm, clear and ready. Al Anon meetings (face to face) have saved my sanity and my marriage and the best thing I have done as a parent is take care of myself by going. Again, I am so sorry about your father, and at times if your husband can't be there for you, please know that there is an entire community of kind and understanding people here for you. I am so glad you found us.

Guitar1 · Newbie

Thank you all so much for your love and support. I am going to try to find a meeting to go to. I also really appreciate the advice about not making any major decisions because my whole family wants me to divorce my husband and "do better for myself". I just can't see that being the right thing as when he's sober he is a good husband and father and he loves me and our daughter and we love him too. Thanks again for the words of encouragement!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.