Hi, I was a widow, worked full time going to college full time with two preteens.

I know how you feel! yikes. I went to a woman's group,that helped me lots.

Also with all that, you still need to play. Every week end the kids and I would do day trips and occasionally overnight. Just simple stuff you can find around where ya live.

Fish hatchery, driving up to the snow, that was scarey for me but they loved it, to the beach, out to go snoopen in thrift stores. It rejuvenated us.

Also your kids can also help with the house. It will make them feel more of a part of things, more of a family. Ignore what they say, watch what they do.

I grew up and every saturday before we could play we had to do chores. It was fun as mother and daddy would do them with us. Felt good to get my room cleaned or clean the kitchen and it made my parents happy.

I sat down and made a poster board of chores. dishes sweep, laundry,folding etc. and the kids picked which ones to do. And like folding cloths, have them pick a movie to watch while ya do it together, get a pizza. Make it fun.

No dishes left in bedrooms, things have to be put away when you are finished. All this little stuff helps.

I am not kidding, our little house was always tidy and clean. the kids were proud of their rooms. If they left them messy I didn't care it was their room. sometimes they did.

there is NO reason you should do it all. People need to learn to share the load. then when they have their homes they will do the same. Makes the family closer.

I had to help my friend wash her windows before her mom would let her go out. was great.

until adults we always helped clean each others homes!

I think when we make this stuff a group effort, its good for us. then we get jobs and are the same.

You work hard! I am sure your kids get all their needs met. Maybe, if you can afford it, they can get five bucks on Friday if they do all their chores. They get a sense of a good job, you get paid. Also they can learn to save if they want. Or if they want something special, have them do something big like wash the car or wash windows. I wanted these shoes when I was like 11. I am almost 60 and still remember them.

My mother paid half if I paid half. Was so cool.

So thats what worked for our families.  I was honest, told my kids we were in this together. Hey when I redid my house I paid their cars off or helped them buy one!

You know what? Neither will take money from me today. they are 35 and 36!

Hey they griped and groaned and pouted. Ignore it, its their job to be obnoxious sometimes! lol

you are going thru so much stress! There is NO reason all of them cannot help. Your two year old would love to. Just get a feather duster.lol I used to always get my friends kids those when they were little. they loved being part of it all.

If you can afford it, find a high school kid, ya go to the career dept. They list kids who want/need jobs. have one come once a week to do dishes wash whatever.

This is how we take care of US. I also made meals with Mother so I learned how to cook. I am a great cook to as are my two brothers. one is a chef!

I learned to make a huge lasagna, spegettie whatever and then we just stick it in the microwave and have a salad.take turns cooking together or have like good quality foods on hand so the 9 and 15 year old can just warm burritos up and make a fruit salad or whatever. They all have a night a week that is their turn to cook! Even the 2 year old!

I am up here alone. I wish I had three kids! my body won't keep up though.

shoot find someone like me to come in and help. I would do it for free just to feel needed and get a meal.

anyway its hard to learn to love YOU again. the disease takes our focus and kills our life. We can bring it back and even better.

Sure there will be hard times, that is life. Also you will have to learn its ok to buy you stuff, do stuff for you. If you are like me and many others, we felt guilty buying ourselves underwear even! Your kids learn from you!

Its also an exciting time. Not all bad! Christmas I do not do.But when we did, I gave my kids money and or they had some for their thing. I went one or two nights on the super sale things, got their named brand cloths. Gottem neat magazines, little perfumes, food they never got that was special. they loved their huge stockings the best. I went around and found the neatest little things.

they loved their elle magazine and science stuff. Make it fun. We went and got our own tree, made popcorn and cranberries to hang on it. then our great dane at the popcorn off...haha

Once the ferrets climbed ours and opened allthe presents...never a dull moment.

anyway making it joyful and fun is part of it too Its OK to be happy!

my love to you and your kiddos! debilyn

sheesh- darn it- yu aint super woman so dont try to be. i have been single mum for 16 years. you just cant do it all and sometimes you got to say- it is what it is- i am what i am. christmas- just do the minimum in- focus on the spiritual not on the material. one year i got a candle out and some prayer books and made a little alter and this was my son and I 's place to go and pray for those less fortunate then ourselves- it helped get me through. Christmas is a difficult time for so many people- people in grief- who have lost their children or partners....you have got your chidren ans this is the most precious and special thing in the world. this is the gift. and let me tell yu- after 16 years of the same crap- you always get by...i dont know how- truly, but you do. stop panicking- you will be just fine- you have strong forces behind you and you may not know or be aware that they are there- but they are-. your HP,,,is looking- guiding and caring.....this is as sure as eggs. yu can afford to chill out over some of the problems- hand some over to your HP and solutions will find their way to you- try it. as long as you carry on doing the work and trying to do the right thing- then the bigger issues such as survival will be taken care of.

there is more to it all then we can see, im sure of that.

yeah and the idea of free things...(sorry i wrote my post first and then went on to read Deblyns reply...should have done it first).....christmas i got by- by making things- collecting holly- making play dough decorations etc...baking some biscuits. i still feel tat the only thing i have control of in my life is to whether to look to the positives...i have to look to the positives..because if i didnt i could so easily go on anti depressants and be depressed. there are facets to everything- everything is multi dimensional- so dont get hung up on the one outlook or perception.,,,,it all an illusion anyway.

Sending you lots of support this morning!  Easy does it.  When I am feeling overwhelmed, I ask myself, "How important is it?".  Sometimes it is ok to just turn the tv on for the kids, leave the house a mess, and address whatever it is that REALLY needs to get done in that moment.  Lately, what really needs to get done is for me to take a few minutes off, relax, and regroup. Whatever really needs to get done eventually does get done, regardless of how much I worry or put pressure on myself.  Hugs.

Hi rehprof, the best thing someone said to me was give from your overflow not from your reserve. For me as a single Mom and a doer, meant I had to conserve for myself so that I could have some overflow again. I am a single Mom with 2 kids and my oldest is 13, she helps me clean house and take care of her little sister. I don't feel guilty for it, we have worked out a trade off and she is a great kid and knows I will do what I can for her and she has learned to help me clean house, do dishes, laundry and make dinner not all at once. I have learned that my perfectionism was going to kill me if I didn't let her learn how to do things and even to let her do it her own way. It has been great for me this last year and she is on honor roll, plays sports and sings and plays guitar with a Christian youth band. I don't think it has hurt her at all giving her responsiblities and together we get done what needs to get done and not perfectly. I am hoping you can make it to a meeting and find some relax time for your soul! Do something for yourself and dump the guilt for doing it, you are worth it. I am sending you love and support.