crying for two days - Al-Anon Family Group

mrw60 · Newbie

crying for two days

Not Alone · Member

Hi and welcome.

I'm sorry to see what you are going through right now - I can't imagine. I'm sorry but I too am at the start of this journey and can't really offer advice. I just want to say that I will be thinking about you and wishing you the best during this time. You will get lots of good words of wisdom from the people here - it has been a lifeline for me lately!!

never going back · Senior Member

Hello and welcome to MIP
My gosh, younare carrying a tremendous load. You didn't say, but have you ever attended an al-anon meeting. It sounds like you could use someone to help ease your burden, for sure. Has your mom ever been in any kind of treatment program as a result of the hospitalizations?
My situation is different as the A in my life is my husband, but the basic principle is the same, I'd think. An alcoholic can't control their drinking and you can't control the alcoholic.
This is a great place to come for support, encouragement, or just to vent. Please keep coming back. Thinking of you and praying that you'll find some answers.

Hugs,
Denise

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Please find help for yourself you need support , this disease is running your mothers life at the moment and there is nothing you can do to make her stop .. staying home with her wont stop it ,threats wont stop it tears wont stop it , until she says enough and sees that she has a problem . we are not powerful enough to make anyone stop. an alcoholic will use any excuse to drink- blame others they are not big on taking responsibility for thier own behavior . Al-Anon members share thier own experiences with others offering suggestions so that you can cope with this disease . You have a right to a life love her and accept where shes at , she has a right to choose how she wants to live .

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

welcome.

I am sad for all you are going thru. It's very horrible to see it.

Abbyal is very right. We cannot do anything. As you can see what you have done so far has done zero good and only has made you all sicker.

It's very hard to face we can do nothing. Even if you handcuffed her to the bed. As soon as you released her she would start again. It has to totally their decision

My ex AH I loved and love very much. He is like your mom. Believe me I wish I could make him stop. It's hard to face, but you can either let her disease suck you dry and ruin your life, or you can go to meetings, come here, read literature, learn about the disease and learn to detach from her illness.

We have to learn to accept our A as is. Then we work on taking care of us.

"Getting Them Sober" By Toby Rice Drews volume one is a GREAT start for you. We rec. it a lot. It is my Al Anon Bible.

So I invite you to think about you for awhile, maybe you can get dad and sis to go to meetings too.

Ya might as well stop hunting for bottles. Its a waste of time and money. Just makes us crazy! hugs,debilyn

rosielee · Senior Member

my sympathys
all i can say is- despite your hurt and pain- yu deserve a life and to find somehappiness and someone elses drinking doesnt have rights to deprive you of this. it is a very sad situation- but if it was me- id be trying my hardest not to let it ruin my life any more than the years of damage that has already been done- she is lost to the drink and you have no control over this- and nothing to do with it- you are rightfully deserving of a life where you see to you - where somene else isnt sucking you under and making your drown. i know its hard...but she shouldnt be doing this to yu any more- yu are young and have your life ahead of you- which is yours by rights to live- and God wanted you t live it, shes ruined hers- dont let it ruin yours any more than it has done.

Jadie · Veteran Member

Hi there, welcome to MIP.

I would urge you to please try Al-anon, find yourself a meeting and run dont walk. It will calm your mind, still your fears, slow the roller coaster of emotions....Take a seat, listen to the shares of those who walk in the same shoes.....it can and does get better....for us.....whether the drinking continues or not. We can't, and don't have to, face this alone. I was in no way a meeting type person and came to Al-anon as a last resort but I did what was suggested.....(keep coming back.... take what you like & leave the rest, and much more)

I had closed my business for a year to try and fix and control the A, trying to ease my own fears. FEAR made me react in so many negative ways, the main one being enabling in order to keep the A alive..... I changed nothing about the drinking but made myself physically ill in the process. The drinking took more of a grip and I would happily have ended my own life to get away from it all. Insane.

When we are full of fear we REACT irrationally, the al-anon programme gives the tools to ACT in a more rational way.

Your Mum is in the grips of a disease, please don't take her actions and sayings personally, it's the disease talking......she loves you all but she's sick.

Keep coming back

Hugs

Jadie x

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

That sound like a true nightmare. Sorry you are going through this with you mom. I pray for her and the rest of your family. I hope you do get to alanon. I think it would help.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I see you have already received a warm welcome from the MIP family. I do so hope you will find comfort and support in face to face alanon meetings. For me they are a lifesaver as I have a father that is lives alone and is a daily drinker. Thinking of you and your family.

In support,

Tommye

danni · Senior Member

Welcome. I just want to offer my support and I hope you can find your way to an al anon meeting. They have helped me tremendously. All my best, Danni

danni · Senior Member

p.s. Hi, I'd like to add some more now that my little ones are off playing now. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds unbelievably painful and scary. I am so glad you have found us, and Al anon can help your whole family. Alcoholism is a family disease, and I suggest you learn as much about alcoholism as you can, attend meetingss, and keep coming back. My heart goes out to you and your entire family. Please know that there is a loving and supportive community here for you, and you are not alone. I will really be thinking about you, and again, I am so glad you are here. Sending you lots of love and support. When I feel totally overwhelmed and fearful, I try to remember, One day at a time...sometimes one hour at a time. That is all you need to manage and get through right now. Keep coming back. Take care.

tlynna · Member

mrw60, there is some GREAT support on this site. If you mom hasn't had a full physical by her doctor recently, I would encourage it, if you can get her there. My aunt occassionally drank here and there her entire life, but when her dementia (alzheimers) started to set in and continued to set in, it became super crazy, and included her smoking (she had quit over 20 years before). She also used to visit her doctors regularly for health issues she has to take medicine for, but then, it became a battle to get her to even these appointments. My aunt's dementia wasn't obvious at first, mostly the little signs that you read about in the literature, but then recognize in retrospect. Obviously I have no idea if any of this makes any sense with your mother, but thought I would throw it out there. Best wishes.

zeninator · Member

mrw60 wrote:
I don't know what to do. My mother is an alcoholic and I don't know how to help her. She's 68 years old, weighs less than 100lbs and when she goes on binges will kill a 12-pack in a couple of hours. ......................... my dad has said repeatedly he doesn't know what he would do without me to watch her when he's working and she's binging. When she's sober she's the best mom ever and I have never argued with her. When she's drunk I'm finding myself becoming more and more angry.........

Sounds a lot like my mom! Welcome to the roller coaster! Actually, I spent years helping my mom and it did actually work for a while and she's still much better... but that was at the expense of my own life. She now is back to drinking sometimes but not as bad as before. The only thing that ever worked in my experience, even if you're not a Christian, is acting like one towards that person. Be kind, understanding; act like it doesn't bother you. Do not be confrontational. Kindness seems to be what healed my mom somewhat because I used to be like you almost exactly and that just snowballed and made it worse. You basically have done all you can. The most I say to my own mother anymore is if she's real bad one day, I will extremely briefly mention that I know she's drinking and then leave it alone. That's usually enough to scare her straight for days-weeks. I'll just say like, "Gee, you seem to be slurring your words a lot today," and then totally leave it alone, IF I even say THAT much. I usually just leave the issue alone and offer kindness and understanding because I've been an alcoholic too and I know it isn't a choice and it's terrible and terribly sad to go through, even if it doesn't seem that way from the outside.

P.S. Here's the post I made about my own mom: http://alanon.activeboard.com/t46395019/mom-was-sober-for-months-not-anymore

P.P.S. You definitely have to try to learn in a situation like this to ACTUALLY make yourself to where things don't bother you in this world, at least not as much as they USED to. Living like this probably makes you feel uncomfortable about basically everything in your life if I had to guess. It's hard to do but you have to basically imagine a really tough athelete who suffers an injury in a game.... Goes out for a few minutes.... and comes right back because he's not going to let a little pain bother him or his game. A real tough pro who is almost impervious. It can seem heartless becoming this person at first but when it first works, it feels SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo good. Soooooooo good. You will never want to go back EVER.

-- Edited by zeninator on Friday 25th of November 2011 02:57:13 PM

-- Edited by zeninator on Friday 25th of November 2011 03:01:29 PM

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