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Hello all. First, our friends 7 yr old dgtr died last week and we are out of state, as we came for her funeral. In the process, things I had planned to put in place of what has come to be a painful time of the year for me and to ease that had to be cancelled.
My birthday is at THanksgiving time. This year, after surviving stage 4 cancer last year, I planned a Birthday Party for me, which I have never done! I was so looking forward to it! Part of what is painful about my birthday is that my oldest child who is now an A and is a servicemember never calls, notihng. Even when he has talked to me on my birthday, he's never said happy birthday. Every year, I send something to him and his new wife, even tho I struggle with whether to do that or not any longer.
So, I put measures in place to help me not be so hurt by it. Now, it is all gone. Furthermore, I miss him, and rarely get to see him. His new in laws are going to spend Thanksgiving with them, apparently their new tradiditon. I asked if they would consider spending time with us on Christmas, THat is not happening.
I just read, looking to see if there was news about my new future grandchild to read how excited dil is for her folks and grandma to come.
We are treated like subpar humans. This pain, but the pain is here with the loss of this dear little child that we loved too.....UGH!!!! Looking for extra strength, hope and comfort.
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I wanted to send you love and support for you this week and be the first to wish you a very Happy Birthday that you so deserve.
Please try to be gentle with yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I don't fully know your circumstances but I do hear your pain. I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday! Be good to yourself on that day - it's your day - and although we cannot control what others will do we can always choose to be good to ourselves!
This whole "painful time of year" thing can pick up and snowball if you don't change how you look at it. All the things you mentioned are legit and very painful. I very much empathize. However, after all that suffering you deserve to do some nice things for yourself rather than plan for mourning and sadness.
You can choose to start your day or your week over and make it great whenever you want. There is really no evidence that this Thankgiving will not be a great day for you. Do not plan for sadness cuz it is 10 times more likely that sadness is what you will have then.
These are just suggestions though...and trust me....I am not downplaying any of the realness or hurt you have been through.
Happy Birthday! I say do something nice for yourself regardless of your location and the current situation. If you can't get out and go for a pedicure, manicure, nice meal out, then maybe you can order yourself a gift online to arrive when you get back home. Make sure you do something frivolous to celebrate the fact that you are ALIVE. After all you have been through, you truly deserve it. And remember how others treat us is often more about them than it is about us. I have to really work on being the person that I want to be instead of the petty person who is always hurt by other's actions. I can get into that pattern. I am really working on being the type of person I would want to be around if I had the choice. Do that, and you won't care if they don't see your worth and value. You are worth it!
I hear you pain and am sorry you are having to go through this. I want to say Happy Birthday to you and I hope you do something nice for your special day! I too am distanced from my family and so I have started new traditions with my girls and my best friend after Thanksgiving when we could all get together and celebrate. I hope you are able to make it to extra meetings and find a new way to celebrate for you. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thanks for your responses, very much. I am Indeed so very grateful to be alive... I had the most wonderful day today and it will continue on my birthday with my hubby who is a very kind and gentle soul. Today is just what the dr ordered to help get me through the next days. It is not as easy to just replace things when you are in a foreign city. However, I was So Blessed today! I got down to the water, my first love. It is where I get air:) Tomorrow we will get together with our friends who just buried their only child. Now, I will have more to give them during this time. We all struggled to see this little one suffer as she did and there is no question, we Miss her and still can't believe she is gone.
No matter how I try, my oldest son is a part of me, of my flesh. Not making excuses, but it is sad that his inattentiveness to me on my birthday does smart, even THOUGH I work hard at not letting it affect me. Even Though I count my blessings.
So, Thankyou for your Birthday wishes! I will have a great day afterall, filled with doing the sorts of things I love to do!
